Julie Skywalker wrote:Trying to explain loneliness to someone who doesn't understand it... this is extremely difficult.
Let me see if I can do this. This is just off of the top of my head; I could probably give a more thorough response, if necessary.
Loneliness is a feeling of insignificance and unimportance. It is a feeling of being left out, but not willingly. For that reason, loneliness is not synonymous with being alone.
From what I've noticed, there are two different types of loneliness, which are rather different in nature, but may easily coexist.
The first type of loneliness tends to correlate with a lack of human contact. It's like a physical loneliness. Think of it as the result of a lack of human interaction. It can be cured simply by going outside and talking to people, or even just being among people. Think of this as being "
I just need to talk to someone, I don't care who or what the subject is about."
But then there's the deeper form of loneliness, which may or may not coexist with the latter. It's an emotional loneliness. It's not just the desire for social interaction, but it's something deeper. It's more or less correlated with the desire for intimacy. Think of this as being "
It doesn't matter if I'm talking to someone or not; I don't have any sort of connection to the person I'm talking to."
Simply put, that's how it's possible to be lonely, while still in a group. You can be among people, but if you don't feel any connection to the people you're with, that's where the problem arises. On the flip side, it's possible to be emotionally fulfilled, but be physically lonely, such as in the case of a long distance relationship.
Loneliness isn't rational. It isn't something you can understand with logic alone. If you don't ever experience it, then you won't ever truly understand what it's like to live with, for any period of time.
It's not even one of those things that you can measure with physical symptoms, such as fear or anxiety. The only way to know if you're lonely is to ask yourself if you are.
If you say that you are lonely, then you are. It's that simple. You can't quantify it by saying things like "
I have a wife, kids, and five good friends to count on, so I can't be lonely." Conversely, if you don't feel lonely, then you aren't lonely, even if you haven't talked to another person in two weeks.
Anyone can feel lonely in any situation, and anyone can experience any situation without feeling lonely. It's just a feeling; it's not something concrete.
However, that being said, there are several situations in which most people probably would feel lonely:
- The death of a family member
- The loss of any sort of relationship
- The loss of any sort of potential relationship
- Being ignored
- Not receiving recognition from friends/family
- Living alone
- Working alone
Notice that there is a common pattern here. Loneliness tends to be a result of either the loss of an existing connection with another person, or the unfulfilled desire for a connection with another person.
If you lose contact with someone who matters to you, then you're probably going to be lonely because of it. Or, if you never have contact with someone who is important to you, but desire it, then you are lonely by definition.
So, what is loneliness? I think the best way to define it is as I did there. To consider what loneliness is, you have to consider what it
isn't.
You know that feeling that you get, when you don't feel lonely? That feeling of belonging to a group, that feeling of being important, and that feeling of having an impact on someone's life—that's exactly what loneliness
isn't. It's the exact opposite of that sense of being the center of the universe.
Loneliness is the feeling that no one really knows or cares who you are, what you do, how you feel, or what you think.
I find it very hard to believe that there is one person in this world who
hasn't experienced that. But there's one way to know for sure. There's a sad (and true) story that I have, but it's quick and short. If you don't feel anything when you're reading this, then you're not human.
Regulus's Story wrote:On my fireplace, there's an American flag that's folded up into a triangle. When I was growing up, it wasn't always there. It first appeared just over a decade ago, when my dad brought it home. I once asked my mom about it, and this is what she told me.
Back then, my dad used to perform funerals for deceased veterans. I don't know what exactly his job was called, but that was it.
As a military tradition, at the funeral of an American veteran, a flag is folded up and later given to the closest relative of the deceased person.
So, one day, my dad went to perform a funeral for a guy. No one showed up. Many of my dad's coworkers were about to leave and go home, but my dad did his job anyway. He said it didn't matter, the veteran deserved his funeral anyway, after his years of service.
When my dad folded the flag up, he had to give it to someone, because that was the tradition. But there was no one to give it to. The guy had no family. He had no friends who came to his funeral. There was literally no one there who knew him. So my dad took the flag, and that's why it sits on my fireplace.
It now sits there, as a reminder to me that no one is ever alone. I may not actually know the guy who died, but he has earned my respect. I will remember this story for the rest of my life, or until I get Alzheimer's. I'm not sure which.
That is the epitome of loneliness. Many people would say it's the fear of dying alone, but I disagree. Everyone dies alone. Loneliness, in its most extreme form, is the feeling that you get when you think, "
If I died today, no one would show up to my funeral."
by Tsuki » October 27th, 2013, 10:04 pm 
. But I really am going to try and not complain anymore. Maybe I should make a complain jar instead of a swear jar. Hey it might work 
.
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