my poem from the heart

[Cloverclaw]

My poem to my cousin

Our relationship is almost gone

You went to someone else

While I stayed in the shadows

What happened? Was it me? Or was it you?

I never see you anymore and we used to be so close

Together

But I’m now deep in the shadows not moving

Staying there where there is no light.

I’m losing myself more by saying “where are you cousin?”

But I guess you don’t hear me cause I’m to deep in the shadows

I dig deeper and deeper till there is nothing left of me.

Then you have to try and find me

And I die right there, you couldn’t get there quick enough

To save me.

[Mike]

You show good potential here =) A good theme worked out, a nice recurring darkness metaphor, and a well set atmosphere. I'd suggest adding other ways to express your feelings rather than simple darkness though, you could make a play on the seasons of the year: adding some spring/summer of how things used to be, then fall, and finally death in winter. I'm not saying use the word "fall" or anything, more the images associated with it. (eg "and I am lost like a leaf in the crisp autumn breeze")

[Cloverclaw]

Thanks and this describes my relationship with her because when i went over her house, all she would do is talk on the phone or scram at me so i stopped going and now she wants me back to hang out and i dont want to be abused like that again, so im going to put this poem in her locker and see what she said about it.

[Cloverclaw]

First read my poem and then read this one cause
This is what she replied with:



My favorite one thinks its almost gone

But, i think we need more of eachother

the both of us are constanly in a darkshadow

I know it wasnt me and it wasnt you

non-stop movement destroys us, our relationship

Some, how same way ima find a way

to get me and you out of this

darkness for good. so either of us say

"where are you cousin" i hear a vioce

yelling for help; and i am at search

you, im right here, here to help you

out of your depression and hell like misery...



Day by day i wounder if my favorite

Past time memories can surprise me

and come around in my present and future

i know somewhere down in a deep, deep

hole somewhere my favorite cousin is

drowning in her own depression, and a hell like

misery. i always told her just

scream and yell till i can find her so

i can help rise her spirits up... night by

night i hope and pray to god.

[Röckandi]

Niice!

[Cloverclaw]

Thanks.