The Legend Of The Shadow

[Lionking012]

Nice 2nd part. it seems to come along very well.. what happens when they do kill scar, does that rule out simba's part and nala coming back?

[KingKivuli]

a good writer never tells his tale before it is written

[SimbasMate]

Wow, this is going great so far, and It's keeping me to wanna read more! Great job on this so far, so descriptive and I love the plot and the desicion Kivuli is making! I can't wait for the next chapter!

[KingKivuli]

Mothers Care

Back at Priderock. Ashur was busy relaxing ontop of a small outcrop. He was not born of the pride. Sarabi found him abandond as a cub and took him in. Although she had treated like a son, Ashur knew full well Sarabi was not his real mother. He was younger than Kivuli and a bit older that Kokota. He and the two brothers were close friends. Always had been. A breif rumble of thunder echoed across the dust filled lands. It woke Ashur from a peaceful nap 'By the great kings' he moaned 'If its not Scar and the hyena's its the bad weather. Guess there is no rest for the wicked'

The adolesant stood up on his outcrop and looked down. Sarabi was going past with her hunting group. No doubt heading out for a useless food search. He began bounding down the rocks till he reached the floor, and began jogging along towards the group 'Sarabi!' He called out as he caught up and walked beside the lion queen 'Whats the point in going out for these hunts? Nothing is left' he inquired. Sarabi looked at Ashur as she walked along 'We have no chioce. We either do this, or we get punished' Ashur was starting to feel some of the hatred for Scar that Kivuli did

As the the lionessess made their way deep into the barren lands, Ashur asked Sarabi 'Do you know where Kivuli and Kokota are? I havnt seen them all day' Sarabi was busy signaling the lionesses when he asked the question. Once she had finsihed, Ashur got his reply 'They have gone to the graveyard to train' Now Ashur was just puzzled 'Train? For what? Are we going to war?' Sarabi was so focussed on trying to get food home, she forgot Ashur hadnt seen them at all 'Well something big is going to happen round here' she said 'Its best that Kivuli tells you. Until then keep you head down'

Ashur's face lit up 'Thanks Sarabi, your the best!' He went and gave Sarabi a loving nuzzle, before he started running to the graveyard. Sarabi's mother instints kicked in 'Wait Ashur!' The adolesent skidded to halt and looked back 'Yes Sarabi' She sighed. There was no stopping him 'Just take care of yourself ok?' Ashur just laughed 'Haha dont worry about me. Its everyone else that should be scared!' He took off once again. 'Take care Ashur' Sarabi said to herself as her eyes shifted to sky 'I dont want to lose you like I lost Simba and Mufasa'

[SimbasMate]

That was one heack of a third part, KK! I loved it, keep up the awesome work, and I can't wait for the next chapter!

[Lionking012]

Aww great third part
Omg almost pulled a tear outta me, when i read that last part. When sarabi looked into the sky..

[KiarasMate]

Nice new parts to the story KK> ^^ The plot development is moving along at a quick pace, which for me is fine, although you might want to draw out your scenes a tiny bit more. That's just a small suggestion though and it's working either way. ^^ Again though, be sure to re-read your posts. You'll find a few spelling mistakes here and there, as well as some missing words and such. Yeah, I'm a perfectionist I guess. lol. Also, the only one flaw I could think of was, in the second part, Kivuli and his brother go off to train in The Elephant Graveyard, but in the third part, Sarabi somehow knows where they are and what they ar up to. It doesn't really make sense to me, unless I missed something. You just might want to consider that fact. Sorry I'm being so critical but it's just to give you advice and to try and help with your story. I mean nothing by it my friend. ^^ I really am enjoying this story thus far and I look forward to reading more as you post it.

[KingKivuli]

noted KM ^^. I didnt think a more vivid description was need as we all know what the pridelands basically looked like

As for Sarabi, Kivuli did mention he would train. She would have also see the drection he was heading, plus she knos the brothers and their favorite spots, ie graveyard

[KingKivuli]

Graveyard Training

Meanwhile the brothers Kivuli and Kokota had arrived at the graveyard. On the way Kivuli had explained the plan to Kokota 'So let
me get this straight' said Kokota 'You want to train in order to get strong enough to beat Scar so you can be king, but if you
fail you want me to fight him?' Kivuli smiled at his brother 'Yep that about sums it up' Kokota took a deep breath in and then out again 'You know Kivuli, sometimes you come up with crazy plans. This time though you just went completely insane' Kivuli just laughed away 'Hahaha come on little brother, you know I don't do something unless I'm sure it will work, and I haven't let us down so far have I?' Kokota sighed 'I guess not. I suppose we can make it. We just have to try'

The two lions were standing on a small hill, overlooking the graveyard. It was the hyenas old home, but now they took over the
Pridelands, nothing existed in the silent pit of death. A chilling wind blew amongst the remains of the skulls and bodies of
animals that had been killed years ago. A small dust storm was picking up, scattering dirt across the area. The brothers headed down
the hill and into the empty land. Kivuli took the lead, Kokota followed behind. Even though the younger sibling came here alot, he
never ventured this far in before. After a few minutes, they reached their destination

It looked like they were standing at the bottom of a large pit. A pit that had walls made of nothing but bones. Kokota looked in
amazement. He stepped forward to look closer. There were piles of bones arranged, like someone was going to use them. Another few piles made of bones that had been completely shattered. The skeletal walls themselves had broken parts, amongst the many claw and bite marks. The scene shocked Kokota to the core. A fowl wind blew, sending a shiver down his spine. This place did not feel right. He felt like he was invading on someones territory.

Kokota turned back on Kivuli 'Brother, should we stay here? It doesn't seem right' Kivuli looked puzzled at his brothers statement 'What are you on about?' Kivuli asked 'It feels like we don't belong here, and I don't want to meet the thing that caused this damage' Kivuli bent down to meet his brothers eye level 'You already know that thing brother' Kokota's face almost turned completely pale 'You are joking! Who is it?' He asked sheepishly. Kivuli walked over to the walls, where claw marks were in abundance. Drawing out his claws Kivuli held his paw against the marks. They fitted perfectly

Kokota gulped. His brother, who always seem so kind and gentle, caused this much damage 'By the kings Kivuli. How on earth did you do this?' He asked 'It wasn't easy' the elder lion replied 'It took me quite a while. I had a feeling a couple of weeks back that I would need to fight sometime. So every so often I came here and used the bones to get stronger. When I practiced my biting and clawing on the walls, my strength grew. When I thought I was strong enough I took a piece of bone...' Kivuli took a bone from his side, about three centimetres think and placed it under his paw '...and I tried to crush it in one go' Kivuli pressed down on the bone. Without any real effort, the bone shattered into pieces

Dumbfounded, Kokota summoned up words to speak 'I never knew you had so much strength. These bones are hard as rocks' Kokota tried to do it with a piece of bone. He could do it straight away. It took several attempts to make the bone crack, and when it did break it only snapped in two. Kivuli smiled 'Your stronger than you look too. I bet if we spend the rest of this day training we will get far' Kokota asked Kivuli a question in concern 'You have been doing this for weeks. How can we get enough done in less than a day?' Yet another smile left Kivuli's face 'Cause when I come here its for no longer than an hour, I didnt want to get caught. Now things have changed. We need to do this' Kokota joined Kivuli in a smile

The peace of the graveyard was disturbed. Something was moving across the top of the skeletal wall. Kivuli and Kokota stood close to each other. A figure was walking across the top of the wall. A shadow was cast over, so the figure could not be seem. Small loose bones clicked under his paws. Kivuli's eyes were fixed on his movements. Without warning the shadow figure jumped to pounce on the brothers. 'Kokota watch it!' Kivuli shoved his brother out the way to deal with the threat. As the pouncing beast was closing in on Kivuli, the gray lion feel on his belly, making the attacker miss him. When the attacker was overhead, Kivuli slammed his back up onto him. He flew back. Skidding across the floor, creating a dust cloud before slamming into the bone wall

As the dust settled Kivuli walked over to examine the aggressor. As the dust settled, and Kivuli got closer, the attacker was revealed.
'You have got to be kidding me' said Kivuli 'Its just you' Ashur jumped up and grinned 'Yep just me' he just burst out laughing 'You two should have seen your faces, it was priceless' Kivuli called to his brother 'Its ok bro, its just Ashur' Kokota walked over to greet his friend 'Ashur. Should have known better' Once the giggling lion calmed down, he finally asked Kivuli 'So mind telling me whats going on? Your training for something but what? And why did you not tell me?' Kivuli sighed. He told Ashur of his plan. 'Thats the plan' Kivuli said 'Sorry I didn't tell you Ashur. I didn't want more lives a risk than mine and my brothers'

Ashur just smiled at his cub hood friend 'Thanks for the concern, but you know me I can take care of myself' Ashur grinned. It looked so stupid, Kivuli laughed 'I guess your right. Ok. Here what we will do...' Kivuli laid out the plan for Ashur. When the three agreed, the training began. A mixture of claws and fangs tearing away at the walls. Heavy paws breaking increasingly stronger bones, shattering them. Finally, an important part, sparring. Each task increased the lions speed, strength and reflexes. It went on for hours. Evening came. All three had hit their peaks. The last challenge was a small contest to see who was the best. Each lion battled the others, using what they had learned. Kivuli came out ontop, then Kokota, then Ashur

After a hard days training, Kokota and Ashur collapsed exhasted. Kivuli walked over to a pile of rocks. Behind it was a bunch of rats.
He grabbed a few and gave them to his brother and friend before taking a couple himself. The hungrey lions feasted down. The rats were not fresh but still quite good, especially since they were hungry. The food didnt last that long, but the trio was satisfied. After
spending a while recovering the three got up. 'We best head back, its getting late. Come back here tomorrow ok?' The other two nodded in agreement before they all set off back home

[Lionking012]

This is turning out so great. When Kivuli showed kokota that it was him who had been training in the graveyard, it shocked me. Im speachless cant wait for more!