Favorite TV Show Quotes

[FlipMode]

Spoiler: show

[SBCharlene]

Customer: Could I get some extra salt?
Squidward: We're all out.
Customer: Could'ya check?
Squidward: No.
*customer walks away offended*

[Nitro]

"I'll need to see the set list for sectionals, after all. I want them on my desk warm from the laminator at 5pm. If it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face." -Sue

[Lauren]

Jade: "Sweating is gross, so I don't do it."
Tori: "So you're just, like, cold-blooded?"
Rex: "Jade? Cold-blooded? What a surprise."
*Jade squirts sunscreen onto Rex's face*
Rex: "AHH! She got sunscreen in my eyes!"

Victorious (episode: Survival Of The Hottest)

[KopsTheTerminator]

Kyle: …But what if I do a bunchof chores around the house? Come on, you're being unfair!
Sheila (Kyle's mother): Alright. Fine, Kyle, you can go to the Raging (censored) concert if you clean out the garage, shovel the driveway and bring democracy to Cuba!
Kyle: What's Cuba?
Gerald (Kyle's father): A communist country run by a dictator named Fidel Castro.
Kyle: And do I have to shovel the whole driveway, or just the side the car is on?
Sheila: The whole thing.
Kyle: Hoh, geez.
*starts writing letter*
Kyle:
Dear Mr. Castro:
My name is Kyle. I am an eight-year-old American boy who lives in South Park.
*Fidel Castro is reading the letter*
Kyle: And if I had just one wish, just one wish in the whole world,
If I had one wish it'd be for Cuba to change.
Because I think that all the Cubans are in pain
All the joy in the world, from sea to shining sea
Doesn't mean a thing if Cubans aren't free
I just can't be very happy, that's certain
Not as long as your Cubans are hurtin'
Oh, won't you search your soul and find a way to change your mind?
That is my one and only wish.
*next day, Kyle and his parents are watching the TV news*
Reporter: Once again, this does marks the end of Communism in Cuba. Cuban dictator Fidel Castro claims he was finally convinced by a young boy's letter. Now the country is again open to American tourism. Plans can finally resume for Knott's Berry Farm Cuba.
Kyle: I did it! Now I can go to the Raging (censored)!
Sheila: No you can't!
Kyle: What??
Gerald: Kyle, your mother and I don't want you going to the Raging (censored) concert! We gave you a chore that we thought was impossible. You weren't supposed to actually do it.
Kyle: But I did! Ah, I brought -democracy to Cuba!
Sheila: We know, Kyle, but we just don't want you going to their concert.
Kyle: But that's not fair! You lied to me!
Gerald: Kyle, perhaps we handled this wrong, buh- but you need to understand that we don't want-
Kyle: What I understand is that you totally screwed me over!! So why should I have to listen to you?!
Gerald: Because we're your parents!
Kyle: Well I wish I didn't have any parents!
-South Park

LMFAO that was priceless XDD

[Nitro]

*Finn is on a date with Santana and Brittany*
Santana: Okay, Brittz, top 10 hottest boys at the school, go!
Brittany: Well Puck's really hot..
Santana: I know, did you see his abs? And he's probably the only guy who can rock a mohawk!
Brittany: And Finn's cute but not really hot.
Santana: His babyface makes me want to barf all over him. And his man boobs! Ugh, don't get me started on that.
Finn: Hey, I'm right here! And you guys are the ones who asked me out. Don't you think you could include me in your conversation?
Santana: Look Hudson, you're only here to pay for our dinner and then watch Brittany and I make out. Comprende?
Finn: ...

[Eli_Ayase]

Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.

Homer: Ooo, that's bad.

Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yoghurt!

Homer: That's good!

Old man: The frozen yoghurt is also cursed.

Homer: That's bad.

Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!

Homer: That's good!

Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...

Homer: *confused look*

Old man: That's bad.

Homer: Can I go now?

~ "The Simpsons" (I dunno which episode, I forgot >.>)

[Nitro]

(These quotes aren't funny but the title says "Favorite TV Show Quotes" not "Funniest TV Show Quotes")

Spoiler: show

Artie: What's going on between you and Santana?
Brittany: Nothing.
Artie: No, something's going on and something is always more than nothing.
Brittany: Why do you assume something's going on? I'm not cheating on you. Fooling around isn't cheating, it's just 2 friends talking with their tongues really close.
Artie: Who told you that?!
Brittany: Santana.
Artie: Can't you see she's manipulating you?
Brittany: Santana says manipulating isn't cheating either.
Artie: No, this isn't supposed to be working. It's not because I'm in a wheelchair but because I'm obsessed with Angry Birds and my mom cuts my hair (Brittany: I like your haircut) and you're a hot cheerleader who's popular while I'm a loser.
Brittany: But I love you Artie. And I love Santana too.
Artie: God, why are you so stupid?
Brittany: *upset* You were the only one in the entire school who hasn't called me that. *runs off*
And in the next scene, Santana pushes Artie and his wheelchair down the stairs. Thank you, Santana.

Spoiler: show

Santana: Brittany, I need to talk to you.
Brittany: What is it?
Santana: I've been thinking about...this. About what Ms. Holliday said and what you said, and what our song said. And...I love you.
Brittany:...Santana...
Santana: Please say you love me too.
Brittany: I do, I do love you. But I love Artie too and I don't want to break up with him.
Santana: After everything.... How could you? I did what you wanted, I came out to the school!
*Brittany tries to hug her but Santana pushes her away*
Santana: Don't touch me!

Spoiler: show

Brittany: Where were you today?
Santana: Making my shirt. See? It says B*tch. Legend has it that when I was born, I told the nurse she was fat.
Brittany: Well, I made you a new one.
Santana:....Brittany, that says Lebanese. I'm Hispanic. Wait, is that supposed to say lesbian?
Brittany: Oh, I misspelled it? But put it on!
Santana: No, Britt. I won't. I won't do anything for you.
Brittany: Why not?
Santana: Because I said I loved you, and you didn't say you loved me back.
Brittany: But I do love you. Obviously you don't love me as much as I love you or you'll put this shirt on and dance with me.

[Lauren]

Josh: "Please, Thorton. Drake didn't know he was dating Maria and he feels really bad about it."

*Josh punches Drake with his elbow*

Drake: "I-I feel really bad about it."

Josh: "And we brought you an amazing birthday present just to show you how sorry we are about what happened. Give him the present."

*Drake just stands still.*

Josh: "Give him the present."

*Drake just stands still again*

Josh: "Excuse me a second."

*Josh comes over to Drake's ear to make it look like he will whisper something in his ear*

Josh: "GIVE HIM THE PRESENT!!!"

*Drake tries to hold the gift but Josh makes him let go."

Thorton: "Abby Road ? ... Signed by all 4 Beatles?"

Josh: (Happily) "Ya-huh!"

Drake: (Sadly) "Uh-huh."

Thorton: "These are real autographs?"

Drake: "Yeah. All 4."

Thorton: "Oh my god! This is like the best birthday present I've ever gotten! This is insane. Thanks. Wow."

*Thorton leaves to go back inside his party but doesn't let Drake and Josh into the party after that*

Drake and Josh:

Drake and Josh (episode: Battle of Panthatar)

[SBCharlene]

Squidward: I'm not taking orders from a bubble!
Mr. Krabs: Of course you are! Or else I'll fill your life with misery and woe... Even if you quit.
Episode: Bubble Buddy

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SpongeBob: Wey, wook, wit's Windward!
*both laugh*
Windward's wolling to work!
Patrick: Where does Windward work? ..Wat the Wusty Wab?!
Episode: Club SpongeBob