the catfamily : bouncey's sorrow

[Azerane]

Yes but there's no need to be rude about it. At least with a correction of grammar it's more readable. Plus, I don't know how old she/he is, but I know I wasn't always good at writing stories either. But I can understand the plot.

[WildSimba]

There's a difference between being rude, and being honest.

[bouncey]

[quote="WildSimba"][quote="Azerane"]I have tried to be helpful and edit some of the grammar. It's not perfect but I gave it a go. The messy grammar simply makes a story hard to read and follow the flow of. Hopefully this will give you an idea and help you if you continue on with the story The part I have italicised is me butting in because I wasn't sure what word you were after. Also, if you're typing the story up in Word, using spell check can help to eliminate any errors you may have missed. I think firefox also has a spell check too?

This is a story of a purple-spotted cat, Bouncey. Bouncey was dreaming peacefully, and this is when our story begins! '' Mumm, I love Lazauza!'' She said, as she rubbed her belly. Bouncey grabbed her toast, but then she saw the bee hive, this was trouble! She climbed the big, red oak tree, she threw a walnut at it. BONG! BANG! The bee hive fell, and bust open.
''Uh, oh!'' Bouncey told herslef as she looked down. BUZZ! BUZZ! With the sound of bees in her ears she ran for dear life! She was cornered and she leaped in the river. Her dream was interrupted by vocies.
''Wake up, little therp (perhaps you meant twirp?)!''
''AHHHHHHH!'' Bouncey screamed.
''Wake up!'' The pink bouncey told her, then she left with Kody. Bouncey frowned.
''Fine, if she ruins my dreams then I'll ruin hers!'' But in order to ruin the pink bouncey's dream, Bouncey would need a lot of help. She went to her best friend, Blackie.
''Oh, it's you! Bouncey, what do you want? This better not be one of those adventures!'' She scoffed. Blackie hated adventures, since the treasure adventure was chaotic!
''No, it's not. I need help sneaking up on my sister'' Bouncey told Blackie.[/quote]

Fixing the grammer didn't really help with the organization of the story. WTF is even going on in it?[/quote]
umm , what did you just say ?

[bouncey]

[quote="Azerane"]Yes but there's no need to be rude about it. At least with a correction of grammar it's more readable. Plus, I don't know how old she/he is, but I know I wasn't always good at writing stories either. But I can understand the plot.[/quote]
she is in 6th grade , witch means she's 12.5.

[FlipMode]

[quote="WildSimba"]There's a difference between being rude, and being honest.[/quote]

Yes there is, but you however were being rude =P

Can we just let her tell her fan fic now please people? Like always if you have comments to make, you can make them but please do be considerate when suggesting improvements is all I am saying. If you do not like it, well no one is forcing you to read it.

[bouncey]

[quote="FlipMode"][quote="WildSimba"]There's a difference between being rude, and being honest.[/quote]

Yes there is, but you however were being rude =P

Can we just let her tell her fan fic now please people? Like always if you have comments to make, you can make them but please do be considerate when suggesting improvements is all I am saying. If you do not like it, well no one is forcing you to read it.[/quote]well said.

[Kopalover]

The story is about a cat having a dream and during the dream the main character is getting attacked by a swarm of bee's after knocking their beehive down. Another character wakes the main character up and they start talking. That is when I start not understanding.

I have a sister who tries to write stories and she has the same grammar level as you. Yet, she has a disability with writing. My sister is also the same age as you. So therefore, after reading the mess of stories she had made. I can read yours perfectly.

I like the story, but try and work on the grammar problem you have.

[bouncey]

ok.

[bouncey]

here's part 2 ! enjoy !

blackie hesitated. she knew it was wrong to get in some ones business. '' all right lets go.'' she sighed. the two made they're way into the air vent. they listened to the pink bouncey and kody talk. '' ha , ha , ha ! what love birds , huh blackie ? '' bouncey asked her friend. '' umm , bouncey , do you this every day ? '' blackie asked. '' yeah , why ? '' she replied. '' well , i just think this is wrong , but THAT'S JUST ME ! '' she whispered. just before anybody could talk , the air vent shook . '' woah , ahhhhhhhh ! '' they screamed. the air vent fell on the pink bouncey and kody. the pink bouncey got up . '' why you little....'' she yelled. '' suddenly , the pink bouncey's eyes where not Sapphire blue , they where now fire red ! '' umm , blackie lets run ! '' bouncey screamed. the two ran for they're life's with the pink bouncey behind them. but before any one was harmed , sarafina , the pink bouncey and bouncey's mother came in. '' time to get ready for school ! '' she told her daughter's.

[WildSimba]

Okay, aside from the grammer this chapter made a little more sense to me. The only thing I'd suggest besides working on your Grammer, and spelling, is working on setting a little bit more. Like, where are they, to where they're in an air vent?