-putting my first horse down (my mom wouldnt let me see her after and i thought the vet had taken her into an enclosed arena put her there but instead he had just put her between two trailers and you could see her from the road when we drove away and i hyperventilated and had a panic attack and made my mom go back and i just sat with her for about a half hour petting her and hugging her and telling her how much i loved her)

-when my favorite lesson horse suddenly died (a year or so after my own horse)
-when i almost broke up wit my bf (dunno what was wrong with me)

-when my friend committed suicide

-when my dad married my stepmom and told me that he didnt want to see me anymore because he had his own family to take care of now (biological mom and dad are divorced and when he married my stepmom he got 3 new daughters)

now to add a little positive to these!
1) there's a belief in one native american culture that horses become the wind after they die and about a minute after they took Sugar (my horse) away, a huge gust of wind rocked the car i was sitting in and it stopped abruptly. then when i got out of the car, it blew once really hard around me (it was 80 degrees, no clouds, and had been extremely sunny and no wind at all what so ever previously in the day) and then just blew softly while i sat and laid with my horse after they put her down. then it stopped and picked up once again later that day when we went back to the barn we had been at. when we walked into the barn, another huge gust nearly blew me over and then it was quiet the rest of the day.
2) the day before Sierra (lesson horse) died, we went on a really relaxing trail ride and it was sunny and comfortable with beautiful sunset and then we just played afterward. no one ever had the kind of relationship with her that i did. i could get her to do anything i wanted and she was more than willing to do it. we played in a round pen and she would follow me and nuzzle me and canter around me (no one could ever get her to do that because she was so darn lazy) and she was just super super sweet that day, and then i came to see her when she was really sick the next day with what we had assumed was a really bad case of colic. she rested her head in my arms and just stayed close to me and then i found out the next day that she died.
3) we're still together and plan to be forever <3
4) she was a wonderful person who helped everyone around her

5) i still see my dad
