Growing up

[Ushujaa]

Alright so this was my 18th birthday story, something that hit close to home, i know it's short but it stays to the point... it's a gift from me to all of you! enjoy...

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It was a clear night, the stars lit up the sky brightly. Ushujaa walked alongside his older brother atop Pride Rock. When will the sun rise. He thought. He anticipated tomorrow to be a big celebration for himself, at the same time he worried.

With the sunrise Ushujaa would be old enough to leave his pride. His older brother was the king of the lands they lived in and for his whole life, he had to live under his brother’s laws. At sunrise this would be no more. No longer would he have to abide by what his brother set in stone. No longer would he just be the king’s younger brother, living in the shadows cast before him. No, he would be able to be his own person.

Ushujaa knew this conversation would be filled with tensely strung words, he was worried for his brother’s reaction but it had to be done. Tomorrow would be the day he left, with his brother’s permission or not. As the two siblings reached the tip of the rock he looked at his brother when their eyes finally met, Ushujaa looked to the starry night.

He was lost, looking to the kings of the past for guidance in how to start this difficult conversation. “Look Simba, I know you’re trying to protect me by keeping me here in the Pride Lands but i need to do what’s right for me, I need to go out and see the world for myself!”

Simba, looked to his younger brother, wishing they could at least keep eye contact. He knew this would be difficult. He did not want to let Ushujaa go, even though they’re bond was forged under strenuous circumstances he had learned to love him. “ Listen Ushujaa, i know that with the rise of the great circle of life... You will be considered a cub no longer, and I can’t stop you from leaving these lands, as much as I'd like to.”

Simba put his paw around Ushujaa’s shoulder and they both looked to the starry night together. “You know that he’s watching over us, and he always will be...” Simba paused for a moment, as a tear ran down his face. “Please, just promise me you’ll visit every once and a while.” He looked down to the solid rock beneath his feet as the tears silently fell from his face.

Ushujaa put both his arms around his brother, tears falling from his eyes as well. “How could i not? I've got a lot to teach my little nephew.” he chuckled " and I've still got a lot to teach you too!

Simba let Ushujaa hold him tight for a moment, when they finally let go of each other they both laughed cheerfully and looked to the sun as it rose over the horizon. “Well, i think it’s time for me to hit the road.” Ushujaa looked back as he reached the bottom of pride rock, his eyes met with Simba’s one last time as if for a temporary goodbye. he knew he would return, but on his own terms. He was finally free, grown yet with still so much growing up to do...

[Harvs]

That's a very good story. Very heartfelt and touching. Glad I could be the first one to read another great work. A bit of helpful criticism though, watch your "I"s. You capitalize the "I'd"s and "I've"s but you don't seem to like capitalizing the "I"s. Just work on that for your reading audience.

[YFWE]

I think this was a nice little excerpt from what could potentially be a larger story (not to say that you have to write one as a result; just simply feels like it would normally fit in a larger piece.

While short, I still think it packs a bit of an emotional punch, particularly in the context of which it was written. Growing up is never easy to do, and it's even more difficult to say goodbye once that time comes. It's something I dread every day, in fact.

Aside from the occasional spelling or grammatical error, the writing itself was actually pretty good. You've definitely improved from the first fanfic I read from you. Pretty cool!

Once again, lovely. Happy birthday, Dean!

[Azdgari]

Very nicely done, Ushujaa! YFWE covered all I have to say critically. And as he said you've shown vast improvement since your last fanfic. This was a very enjoyable read for me. It touched on an issue very relevant to me and probably quite a few people here; the issue of growing up and the inexorable changes it brings with it. Keep it up, Ushujaa, I'd love to see more of this! ^^

[Ushujaa]

thank you all for your kind words, it's really good to know that i am improving, even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it...

[K0PA]

I no you will not no me but i just want to say that was a good storay iven if it was short.Not that i am critasising. i allso want to say god luck with your spaling. i have Dyslexia so i now how it fialls to not be abale to spal propali. so good luck and i hop you right more.