A TLK One Shot.

[FlipMode]

Okay so this is a little One Shot I wrote, the scene is that after Simba abandoned Kopa, he was found and raised by a new pride that were to use him as a way of ruling the Pride Lands, before disposing of him their selves. Kopa has learned of their intentions, and returned to Pride Rock to make amends with his father, and tell him of the danger. Any comments are welcome, if people like the idea, I may make a full fan-fiction out of this, and tell the complete story.

TLK: A One Shot

Kopa stopped and looked around; Pride Rock looked exactly as he could remember it from his days spent there as a cub. After 3 long years, the time had finally arrived, he was finally ready to step up and face the past, meeting again his father who had disowned him, left him for dead.

He watched the other Lions and lionesses leave the cove of Pride Rock, only Simba was left, he often sat on the edge of Pride Rock, and looked around in self accomplishment at his Kingdom, before starting the day. The sun had not yet risen completely, but it was enough to provide a luminous golden light throughout the openings in the cloudy sky. He watched his father for a moment and then said “Indeed it looks exactly like I remember it. You have been doing a fine job... Dad.”

Simba’s eyes opened wide in surprise at those last few words, the voice sounded so familiar to him, although it was now a fair bit deeper in sound than before. Simba turned his head slowly, to face the Lion who had spoken. That brown tuft of head on his forehead, that stance, it all looked so familiar to him. He paused for a second, finally acknowledging who the lion was. “Kopa?” and the teenaged Lion gave a silent nod in reply.

Simba extended his claws to prepare for defence but Kopa showed no signs of wanting to fight. Instead he simply said “I am not here to fight you, father.” Wh- ho- how can you still be alive?” Simba asked, descending his claws. “After our battle, you had left me for dead, but I was found by a new pride. I was taught how to fight and survive; indeed we had formulated a plan for vengeance.” Simba hesitated “Plan for vengeance? That is what this whole thing is about?” “No” Kopa replied.

“The pride that took me in, had planned for vengeance, but then something happened. And it changed me for the better. I have been on a huge adventure to get here, you have no idea what I went through.” The clouds had now parted, there was much more lighting in the sky. “We are running out of time, father. When the sky turns to light, the members of my pride will be here to attempt to over throw the kingdom. Rally together all the lionesses and lions.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Simba asked, showing slight remorse towards his son. “I had initially opted into the plans, but I learned a valuable lesson.” And Kopa walked towards the edge of Pride Rock, he looked into the distance besides the father who he had been taught to despise. “Haukna Mutata.” “It means now worries.” The two lions spoke in unison. “I don’t suppose a Warthog and a Meerkat, taught you that?” Simba sked.
“Indeed it was, but it was not the same friends, you have.” “You know I envy you farther, my whole life I have been taught the ways of a rouge warrior, now I see that friends, and acceptance into the pride is what I wanted.” Kopa frowned after finishing the sentence, knowing his time was nearly over. “Well it... it may not be too late! You could join us... Kiara will be happy to have a brother.” “Kiara ?” “Y-yeah, she is your sister, she was born shortly after... Well you know.” “I see, my replacement.” Silence fell between the two for a moment.

Kopa thought about accepting the offer, but the consequences would be too high, one way or another he would be hated by his origin pride, and by the Pride he had chosen to leave behind. “But I am afraid, father that it is too late. I have chosen to leave behind my pride, their plans for vengeance no longer interest me.” “Well where else would you go?” “No one knows what the future holds. But I can no longer stay here, a pride of outsiders will soon be here. I can not be here when they do.” Simba and Kopa turned to face each other. “Why? Why have you chosen to leave them then?” “I.. I wanted to make peace with my own father. Before I disappear forever... And this time I do mean forever.” “Why can’t you stay with us?” Simba asked his son. “I can’t... I can not face them, they would not react well to seeing me. This... This is the best for all of us.” “Fine I see how it is.” Simba replied with a stronger sense of remorse now, by this point his love and respect for his son had returned.

“I have to go now father.” The two lions hugged as light now engulfed the bright sky. “You are a great ruler for this kingdom... And a father I have always been proud to have.” Kopa spoke softly. “And you, you are the son I always wanted.” Simba replied. “Now I must go, I just wanted to make up with my own father.” “ I see” Said Simba. And with that, Kopa walked away from his father, descending pride rock. He glanced back at the figure of his father and uttered the words “Hakuna Mutatta?” Simba looked on at his son “Yeah, Hakuna Mutuata. My son” he said softly under his breath. And Kopa continued down the path, Simba watched his son, until he was out of view.

Simba let out a sigh and turned around from the edge of pride rock. “Zazu!” he called into the cove. And out flew his most loyal companion, a blue hornbill, with an orange beak sprang to life and exited the cove. “Siyah?” the bird asked, awaiting instruction. “Gather all the lions and lionesses, we are going to need them” “Right away sir” and the hornbill spread his wings, flying into the distance.

[Azdgari]

Awww, rather heartwarming! And a nice story idea, Fip. I haven't seen this one done in this fashion before. A few things to look out for--each time there's a new speaker, there needs to be a new line. It makes it much easier for us readers. ^^ Also, look out for commas. There are a few sentences where you use 4 or 5 of them when you only need one or two.

A very cool story and a worthy addition to MLK's fanfiction library, Fip! Thanks for posting! ^^

[FlipMode]

[quote="Azdgari"]Awww, rather heartwarming! And a nice story idea, Fip. I haven't seen this one done in this fashion before. A few things to look out for--each time there's a new speaker, there needs to be a new line. It makes it much easier for us readers. ^^ Also, look out for commas. There are a few sentences where you use 4 or 5 of them when you only need one or two.

A very cool story and a worthy addition to MLK's fanfiction library, Fip! Thanks for posting! ^^[/quote]

Heh you know I am actually re taking my English exams at college this year, and my tutor told me the exact same thing about starting a new line for new speakers and not using too many commas :D. Thanks though Az, unless I keep being reminded I am never going to stop doing it har har. Glad you liked the idea of the plot as well.

[xLilacVixenx]

Lilac Vixen's Fan-Fiction Review

Story Plot/Idea Rating: 10/10

This is a very imaginative and clever take on Kopa's absence from the movie. The script was perfect, and it was overall enjoyable.


Punctuation Rating: 8 1/2 / 10

I would have given you a 9/10 rating, but I noticed a few punctuation errors. As Azdgari said, I saw some unnecessary commas, and some areas missing commas; especially where Kopa was talking directly to Simba. Nothing too bad...some here and there.

Grammer Rating: 10/10

I saw no flaws in the grammer. {Or at least in general}

Spelling Rating: 7/10

I am sorry to say that your spelling rating could have been higher if you wrote a little slower. There was one particular scene where I found countless errors. This could just be from real-life problems or you just need to have a spell check. Microsoft Word is an excellent program to check your work; just copy and paste it into Word and you can correct your errors. Oh, and it's spelled "Hakuna Matata". ;)

Layout Rating: 9/10

The layout was perfect and easy on the eyes of the readers, but as Azdgari stated, you need to space out the lines of the characters. Don't take it too hard, though; I do the exact same thing. If you seriously can't stop this habit, just make the words in bold so it's easier to distinguish who's talking.

My Opinion:

This story was enjoyable to read; not too long, not too hard on the eyes, but with an excellent and heartwarming plot. An interesting take of Kopa's absence, as stated above, and I found this sincerely clever. I found it harsh that Simba would actually disown his son, however. Who could do such a thing? All-in-all, I found this a very good read that's totally worth it. Great job, Flipmode. (;

Overall Rating: 10/10 {As judged by above ratings}

[FlipMode]

Thanks again for taking the time to review it, Lilac! :)

[xLilacVixenx]

[quote="FlipMode"]Thanks again for taking the time to review it, Lilac! [/quote]

No problem! It really was a great story. :3

[Arani]

Very very good! Gotta love Kopa. This was a very neat idea, good job!

[FlipMode]

Wow thanks for such a lovely reaction everyone! This was really just an idea I had and wrote as I went along, did not expect such comments but I am very appreciative for them. I do not know if I will expand this into a full story, but needless to say that I am definitely going to take the comments and criticism into consideration and write more fan fictions, thanks again for giving me a new hobby / interest :D

[atouchofgrace]

I like it very much. It's original. Most times people write about Kopa being killed and never coming back.
Good job!

[FlipMode]

Originally I was going to kill him off, but it just did not feel quite right >.<