The Beginning of it All: A TLK Fanfic.

[LilTiger]

[Yes, I love putting in the title, it's a what if or something xD]
Chapter 1:Birth of Mohatu:
Zuri laid in the cave with a small cub between her paws. Zuri was the queen of the wildlands.
Her mate, Kucha, was king of the wildlands. Kucha walked into teh cave and saw the buddle of fur between her paws. "What's that?", he asked in an unpleasent voice. He looked at it, like a test. "It's your cub silly!", Zuri said as she chuckled a little. Kucha's eyes closed a little. "He looks nothing like me!", Kucka shouted with maddness in his voice.

"Just because it doesn't look like Uhuru doesn't mean you can't love it...", Zuri exclaimed. "fine, but he won't be leader of our pride. Uhuru shall be leader no matter what happens!", Kucha said. Kucha nuzzled his mate, and gently licked the newborn's head. Uhuru came in the cave. "What are you going to call him?", Uhuru asked. Uhuru was a golden color cub. With a black head tuft and green eyes. "I'll call him Mohatu.", Zuri said as she nuzzled the newborn with affection. Uhuru had a feeling he wouldn't be loved by his mother anymore....

[LilTiger]

The Argument:
A couple months went by and Mohatu was a cub now. He was highstrong and spirited. Everyday for him was normal, but today would be different...
Mohatu pounced on the bug quietly. He rolled in the grass like it was a pool of water. Then, his brothr Uhuru showed up. "Hey sandy! Where's your friends?", Uhuru said evily. Mohatu growled. "Don't call me Sandy...", Mohatu said slowly. "Like I'll take orders from you, little brother!", Uhuru growled as he pinned Mohatu. "You'll never be a leader like me! I'll be the best king of the wildlands!", Uhuru exclaimed. "Atlest I'll be kind to my subjects and do anything for them!", Mohatu said as she tried to push Uhuru off of him, but couldn't. "You will never be strong, never!", Uhuru yelled.

Mohatu couldn't take his brother's bullying any longer. With all his strength, she shoved him off onto his back. Mohatu panted and growled. "How's weak now?!", Mohatu yelled. He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted his father to teach him strength and courage, but he was too busy with Uhuru. "Since I can't have dad teach me anything unlike you, I'm running away!", Mohatu yelled as he started to scurry off. "Where are you going?!", Uhuru yelled. "To somewhere better than here!", Mohatu replied as he continued to run off. Uhuru growled and ran to his father. ''Dad!", Uhuru shouted. "What is it?", Kucha asked. "Mohatu...ran..away...", Uhuru said as he started to pant. Kucha's eyes widened. "Where'd he go...?", Kucha asked. "To find some place better...", Uhuru finnaly said.

[kmay571]

I like this story so far.

[axx1000]

The Good: good cliffhanger, realistic

The Not-so-great: remember to look for spelling errors before you post, it didnt seem like you went anyware with the fact at the end of chapter 1

My opinion: It didnt fully grasp my attention and if it fails to in the next few chapters in going to have to put it down on the not-so-great section

[LilTiger]

He's a weakling:
Mohatu ran away from his pirde as quick as he could. Come on you stupid legs! Run faster!, he thought. He soon stopped far away from his pride and plopped to the ground. Ugh, I need to find a pride quickly. I'm hungry..., he thought. He saw a puddle and quickly crawled to it and got a drink Water..., he thought as he drank it. He then got enough strength and ran off. He smelled lions somewhere. Lions...? Lions!, he thought quickly. He ran to the scent, but bumped into a female cub. "Watch where you're going!", she exclaimed. "Sorry, I was running to the scent of lions...", he said softly. "Well, my pride is lions, heh.", she said with a laugh at the end.

"What?! Why the heck did he run off?!", Kucha exclaimed. "He was mad you weren't teaching him anything. So he ran away. That's what he told me.", Uhuru said. Kucha growled. "Stay with your mother. I'm bringing him home.", Kucha said as he ran off. Stupid cub! Ugh, why did we have to have him? He's so weak and not smart at all!, he thought. He soon caught his scent. I got you now!, he thought as the scent grew stronger.