"Lost Rogue" by Australian Chaos (PG-13)

[KingKivuli]

wow.... just wow... i am impressed i really love this. i do read a good few of the fanfic on here when i can and i dont even comment on them XD but this story has me locked and begging inside for more. its just a shame your such a new member cause you just missed the fanfiction award which i think you could have won. keep up the good work

[Simbaholikov]

Wow.. absolutely amazing!
I started reading it, and couldn't stop reading, very nice work ^^
Keep it up

[AustralianChaos]

Alright, Chapter 5 is up...and it reveals quite a bit about our mysterious friend, and a few other characters, besides.

As it is, I have pretty much caught up. I just finished Chapter 6 last night, and after a final once-over to correct any spelling and grammar problems I find, I'll be posting it up tomorrow. After that, though, updates are going to slow down considerably, now that I've finally caught up.

Well, with Chapter 5, the story has hit a rather significant milestone. Any thoughts, comments, or perhaps some theories on what might happen later on in the story? I love seeing what reader think is going to happen!

[AustralianChaos]

Sorry to double-post, but Chapter 6 has been added, and I'm sure there are people out there who want to be notified of it (I think )

In any case, that chapter marks the unofficial end of "Part 1". The core part of the story has been set up, and now it's time to see how our rogue can cope with everything that has happened, and will happen, to him.

And thank you to everyone that has left some comment so far!
I know I should have said it ages ago, and several times over, but every time I went to post, I forgot. Your encouragement and help is very much appreciated, as I am one of those writers that thrives off feedback, whether it's positive, negative, or just critical (I definitely do NOT thrive off flames ), so it's thanks in no small part to you guys that the story is going as well as it is.

Sheesh, listen to me, I'm rambling on like that was the end of the story, and now that it's done, I'm leaving (neither of those things are happening, by the way, so don't panic).

But with Chapter 6, I have now caught up, and Chapter 7 is still in progress. I've also reached a part of my story that I have planned out in its entirity, so things will be going slow for the next 2 or 3 chapters, so bear with me.

[Simbaholikov]

Awesome, just awesome
I'm no critic, but I cannot place a fault with any of this, it's perfect ^^
The story is playing out nicely and I will be following this to the end, I look forward to more
Keep it up!

[YFWE]

Firstly, my apologies for missing the last few updates. I promise I didn't forget about your story nor was I avoiding it out of spite or something... had four papers to write this week, so my week's pretty much been shot, haha.

So yes, I'm finally caught up! It's definitely still going great, that's for sure. It seemed weird to me at first that Tanga would lose not only lose his memory from a leg mauling, but would also remember something such as the hyena attack but nothing else. The former, I suppose, is explainable in that he could have gotten a bump to the head during the attack, or heck, he might have lost his memory before the attack. Hard to say. The fact that he can remember the attack but nothing more would kinda back up the possibility of him losing his memory BEFORE the attack, but that seems a bit odd itself. I'm probably reading far too into this, but I guess that's kinda my calling card.

The storyline itself is great, though. I think it's a pretty novel idea, and you're certainly going at a great pace. As I've said on past comments on other fanfics around here, it's somewhat annoying when a writer kinda rushes through their story, but you're definitely not, and I love that. And the attention to detail is superb. Heck, you have detail to spare in some cases, even! Better to have too much than too little, eh?

Good luck with the next chapter. If it's anything like the first six, I definitely have a good feeling about it. Very, very captivating story you've got here. Well done.

[AustralianChaos]

YFWE, thanks for all that, you certainly know what you're talking about (I have a much harder time reviewing other people's work, so that's one thing you definitely have down better than me by a LONG way )

Now, I've re-read your post five times, and still can't quite make sense of which way you're swinging in the debate of "how Tanga lost his memory". Maybe it's just because it's midnight here in Australia, and I'm just about dead on my feet.

In any case, I'll clarify one point: Tanga did NOT suffer his memory loss from the hyena attack, and both the memory loss and the wound on his head are related. How is the real question, and one I cannot answer without spoiling pretty much everything this story's setting up.

And one last thing: anyone wanting a slightly better example of what Tanga looks like, and also a few hints on what we can expect from him as he heals, I've set up a character profile of him here. Not only will this help you understand what I can share about him to you, I use Tanga as my sort of alter-ego/fursona, and may end up using him if I ever decide to have a go at roleplaying.

Chapter 7 is coming along slowly at the moment, so I expect at least a few more days before I'm done with it.

[Mike]

Hey, I just took the time to read a random chapter to get an idea of what your writing is like, and I read chapter four ^.^ I thought it was quite good, I especially love your description of Simba. It's very nicely done. I think that you need to be a bit more careful of characterization and keeping true to the cannon character's personalities though. I thought, and this is my own opinion, that Kiara was well done, but Simba was more impatient and cruel than was realistic, especially with the derogatory use of "rogue" and blatant threats in front of his guest. I also think that Vitani would be more reserved and less willing to trust, certainly less willing to trust than Simba is. My last piece of feedback is that the chapter seemed to drag on slightly. You did a great job describing the character's interactions and feelings, but I don't think you needed to travel over the same ground quite so many times.

That's my feedback based on the one chapter I had the pleasure of reading so far ^.^ Hopefully I'll get around to the rest at some point.

[AustralianChaos]

Thanks, Mike!

With your issues, I'll start off on your issue of the chapter 'dragging on'.
I admit I probably repeat certain issues and phrases a few times. It's because I need to get a certain point across, but in the interests of avoiding month-long gaps between updates, I can't afford to go back every 5 minutes and check to see if the point has already been covered, or whether it has been covered thoroughly enough.
I can see where you're coming from, though, and I thank you for the advice.

Now for characterisation issues:
This one gives me a bit of a chuckle whenever some observant reader picks up on it (which has been about 5 times now ). Yes, Simba and Vitani are slightly out-of-character, Simba more so (since Vitani got such a small role in SP, I can probably get away with her a little more).
Anyway, whenever you decide to go back and read the earlier chapters, Chapter 2 in particular should explain Simba's rather harsh treatment of the rogue. Chapter 1 may help as well.

This story goes far deeper, and runs with far more complexity than ANY of you know at the moment. There are plenty of twists and turns still to come!
The trade-off, obviously, is that such a complex plot requires careful development, which is slowing me down ferociously.

[Mike]

Yup, I understand that you want to get the bones of the story down before you polish it, definitely a solid strategy ^.^ I still think that careful proofreading is important at all stages of the story though =3

I see that I've missed a few things that may have been explained earlier in terms of Simba's character lol. As to Vitani, she's something of a favorite of mine <3 I've spent a fair bit of time thinking about her personality, motivations and so on. I guess I've built a bit of persona for her myself =3 That's a personal thing for me though ^.^ You're right that her small roll gives you the creative license ^.^