by Carl » June 15th, 2016, 7:49 am
I know how selfish it is, but I really want to be someone's best friend or someone's boyfriend. I just want something special. Someone who puts me before their other friends, instead of the other way around. Someone I have inside jokes with that our other friends don't get. Someone who gets me and doesn't leave when I need someone to stay. Someone who sees me and treats me as who I am, not what I look like. I am awkward, yes, and I do value alone time, but I don't want to be alone as often as I am.
On the rare times I've found people like that in the past though, I always tried too hard to please them and never looked out for myself enough and ended up ruining everything trying to fix problems that I wasn't capable of fixing and hang on to what I couldn't. I'd probably do the same thing again if I ever find something like that again--assuming I don't just run from it like I've kinda been doing.
I suppose I should just be grateful for the friends I do have, because I do have more friends than I'd have ever dreamed, even if I don't really talk to them off of MLK much (or ever). And I am grateful to have them. Every friend I have means a lot to me, and I'm friends to some degree with most of the active users here and that's pretty neat. So I guess I shouldn't be so glum. Most of the time these days there's someone reasonable and/or fun in the chatbox so I don't really have any excuse for being alone anymore, I guess.