by Carl » May 7th, 2016, 6:16 am
A mixture of accomplished because of how much I did today, excited and hopeful about my project, and hopeless about life. I'm feeling a lack of motivation at the same time as feeling determined to reach my goals--goals that I can't help doubting I'll ever reach. All I've ever known is working as hard as I can and getting nowhere and things don't seem too keen on changing.
I just wish I could be me.
Although sometimes I instead wish I could be someone else. Someone confident and outgoing who is mentally older than 14 and is comfortable with the form they have. Sometimes I just wish I could be more... dare I say it?... normal.
And it feels crappy to know I can't be either of those things.