Whooping Out Loud - A Hyena's Story.

[thanigraphics]

I really hope you'll write a new chapter of your awesome fanfic....I'm missing the story mehh :p

[SimbasMate]

Absolutely love you writing, Thani. This is a great Fan Fiction indeed. ^^ I look forward to reading more when you get around to the next chapter. :]

[thanigraphics]

Then I have good news for you: Thani is writing the next chapter right now! I'm on msn cam with him and I told him you wrote this Makes him, and me very happy that his fanfic is read and loved so much!

[SimbasMate]

Awesome! Tell him I can't wait.

[thanigraphics]

I will! I can't wait as well

[Thani]

Chapter 14; Zira's will:

Several days had past, and the lionesses slowly got used to Zira and her habits. Zira proved to be a good leading element to the group. Yet the lionesses stuck to Busara's friendlier ways to adress them. One night Busara came to Zira to have a few words with her. Busara thought it over on how to adress Zira properly, in a way both the troop and Zira would accept it.

Zira knew the troop approved of her doings so far, as there was barely a complaint or gossiping to be heard. However she was slightly surprised at Busara's approach to her. "You have come to challenge me, don't you Busara?" Zira asked, as she was filled with slight mistrust. She knew Busara had power within the troop, maybe on par with Zira's own, or perhaps even more then herself.

"Zira, we need to talk.. About how to deal with eachother for the best results of our cooperation." Zira's tension eased immediatly, yet she remained stern. "What are your suggestions?" She asked to Busara. "You and I both hold high positions within the troop, yet I wonder how we could manage to fairly split the tasks amongst each other." Busara said, continuing: "We cannot lead, each going our own way."
Zira thought for a moment, also taking the chance to choose her words carefully. "Busara, I know your position. But like you said, we can't lead on the same parts together. I have a plan for the future, and that isn't roaming around the lands scavenging for food."

Zira decided to put some pressure on Busara to persuade her just incase Busara had other thoughts. "You may lead the troop, but I want the highest rank of all. Afterall, as I do know where we're supposed to go, and what to do, I demand full responsibility for it aswell." Busara remained silent and pondered for a while. "I see.. Zira wants to take-over my troop after all!" Busara thought to herself.. "Allright Zira, you can have that responsibility for now. But if you screw up, I have to take appropriate action, do you understand?" At this Zira glared at her, mistrust rising again. "Remain calm Zira.. You may not like competition, but this lioness still has the full support of the troop." Zira thought. "I will not fail your expectations at all" Zira replied, continuing: "Besides, you have more experience then I have, leading a troop." "We'll see how things will work out.." Busara said, and with that she left Zira alone. But Busara's mind wasn't eased at all.
She still felt a spur of defensive anger toward Zira's demands. "She might have proven herself successfull at coördinating hunts. But she lacks empathy like I have. If this Zira gets full control over the troop, she might use them for disastrous purposes, perhaps up to losing lives" Busara went over to see her troop-mates, and gathered them around. "Girls, for now, and from now on, Zira will be fully responsible for the things to come." At hearing this the lionesses gasped, and it was clear that there was fear in the air. "If Zira fails her responsibilities. I will take action as nessecary, and remove her from power. But I cannot do that alone" Busara spoke. "Don't worry Bus' we're on your side." one lioness spoke. "Besides, we barely know Zira well enough to judge her now." another added. "Oh but judgement will come my friends. It will come, and we'll see how Zira fares." Busara said. "Yet for now, we'll follow her ways."

"But what about you Busa'. You're our true leader right?" a lioness asked. "No.. For now I am second in command Tama." Busara replied..
And so the night passed on, and the lionesses went on to scavenge the land together. As usual Zira led the troop. Yet Zira gave Busara responsibility for the other half of the lionesses whom she deemed least loyal to herself.. "I'll deal with those strugglers later, one way or the other. But the plan has to be fullfilled!" Zira thought to herself.

[thanigraphics]

Interesting new chapter, sweetheart! I'm curious how the story will continue! If you make the chapters this long and not longer, I will read them with joy! Your awesome story goes further
One little question: why did you call the group of lionesses a troop instead of a pride? Just curious!
*hugs her thanipeach*

[Thani]

About your question: As far as I know, a pride consists of one or more males together with a number lionesses. And besides. I'd like to make a distiction between a troop and a pride, because in my view a pride also has an established territory for their own. Perhaps in real world a group off lionesses may be called pride aswell. But I once saw a documentary about a former pride without lions for defense, being banned from their former homelands by competition, residing at poor land. And I do recall to have heard that only lionesses together without males, are occassionally being called troop instead of pride.

[YFWE]

Ahhh, finally! Very glad to see this story back. As always, the detail is great, as is the dialogue! You definitely have a knack for both of those things.

I think my main issue, if anything, would be the fact that sometimes it can be a bit difficult to tell who's actually doing the talking, do you know what I mean? I'm not saying it's absolutely impossible to tell; I could find out after thinking about it for a bit. But that's the problem--I shouldn't have to think. Don't make your readers work any harder than they have to! ^^ I recommend working on separating the dialogue a little better so that you make that a bit easier on us. =D

Story's gotten very interesting though, especially with this Busara sidestory. Will she remain true to Zira or will she and her followers decide to rebel against Zira? Should be very interesting. Can't wait to see the hyenas get back into the story as well. Keep it up!! ^^

[thanigraphics]

good advice, YFWE
I might have an example for how to make a dialogue, here it's between Nala and Simba (how original, lol)

Simba and Nala went into the den. Simba was tired and layed down.
His mate, Nala, was jumping around in joy.

"Hey Simba, did you hear that?" Nala started.
"What do you mean, Nala?" Simba answered.
"Zazu! He was all excited about it!", Nala continued.
"Oh, I remember.." Simba sighed. "You mean he has found a new love? He's so full about it.."

So the advice goes like this:
One line per character (with line I don't mean a short sentence, but you know what I mean )
If there comes a dialogue in your text, press Enter to make a new alinea.
Do the same after the dialogue!

Good luck with it, for the rest your fanfic is really amazing and interesting. Mah boy has some talent! *hugglez*