by Squeely » May 1st, 2016, 1:39 pm
Truly, the 2016 Radio Disney Music Awards is shaping up to be the event of our generation. Never before has a musical event been so groundbreaking. This is bigger than the election. This is bigger than the Olympics. This is a cataclysmic event. All TV stations will be broadcasting the 2016 Radio Disney Awards, no exceptions. Nations are gearing up for war over who the true god of music will be. This is not like most awards shows, in which hack judges give out awards to hack artists just to promote them further so that they can all make more money. No. This is real. All other music will be completely erased from history and only one winner will be crowned, and only their music will be available to listen to going forward. Men and women will fall to their knees in worship. Young children will be sacrificed. The deaf will be cured once the winner, either Justin Bieber or Taylor Swift, perform their holiest of hymns. Jesus will descend from the Heavens and weep in awe of mankind’s single greatest achievement.