[quote="Anakin"]Wait a second. Wait just a second.
I think I get it. I think I finally figured it out.
Ha. Hahahahahaha.
[spoiler=sorry i started rambling]Sweet Relay I've been dumb all this time. It's so completely and totally obvious.
Now then, let's just hope this knowledge will help me to somehow care less about this kind of thing. Because really, those people aren't worth being unhappy because of anyway, and all their crap has definitely made me less of a person and more of the set of statements they think I am. I'm
not defined by such things, but over the past four years, I've lost a lot of myself and have
become somewhat defined by such things, all because of the way
other people act about it.
I'm a person
[s](and my name is Anakin)[/s] and while those things are a part of me, they are not
all there is to me. There's a LOT more to me than that, and those who can't see it aren't worth my time/concern anyway. Even if I
did once think of some of them as friends.
If I can keep this in mind, maybe I can spend less time being so angry and miserable. Maybe.
Please let me be able to do this. I'm so tired of feeling targeted and ostracized.
I may be weird, but I am still just a person, just like anyone else. I don't want special treatment, in fact, I'd rather be ignored, and just left to carry out my business in peace.
If just everyone else could get that, instead of thinking every single statement I make is somehow critical or political or whatever else they think it is. I swear those people could (and have) gotten angry with me over things as absurd as: "I prefer daisies to tulips."
Why did I ever let such people get to me? They're really not worth it.
And now I'm rambling. Great. Why do I do this? Probably I'm the only one who cares about my nonsense anyhow.

That's right. This is random rambling from my mind and it's totally fine for me to be the only one who cares about it. But I like the written word and expressing myself via it so I post this kind of nonsense and just ramble on and on and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not pathetic, and while I most certainly
am weird and insane, there's nothing wrong with that, either. I can have a nasty temper and a potty mouth, but I'm not violent at all. People who are worth my time will see that and won't judge me for my views on one topic or the other, and they won't hold petty grudges against me, either.
I'm a reasonable, forgiving, and typically compassionate guy, as long as there aren't complicated circumstances and I'm shown basic respect and treated like a person. I have several friends who fundamentally disagree with some of the things that others try to use to define me... but if that's all there was to me (or to them) such friendships would not be possible.
I'm a good person. I have good traits. I'm not perfect and I've made loads of mistakes, but the same can be said of literally everyone else. I don't deserve to be so constantly angry and miserable and I shouldn't let stupid people and jerks make me feel that way so often. And maybe it's not bad that I don't talk to people as often as seems normal. Sure I get left out of group activities my friends do, but I wouldn't be comfortable with most of them anyway. And sure I do get lonely sometimes, but don't I
enjoy being alone? Things aren't the way I want them to be, and there are a lot of assholes in this region... but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy things sometimes.
I'm not lazy. I'm not worthless. I'm doing my best to be productive, and just because I'm not succeeding yet doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me or that I don't deserve to enjoy things. And I don't need to talk to friends about everything to get it off my chest, either. I don't have bother them or bottle stuff up because you know what? This thread (and others) are things! And I can ramble in here all I want and say what I want to say and move on with my life. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it. It doesn't matter if some people find it annoying. It doesn't matter if no one cares.
I'm not hurting anyone. And making this long rambling post has made me feel like a huge weight's come off my shoulders. So whatevs.[/spoiler][/quote]
I care about it. I also don't find it annoying. You're a lot like me, pretty much everything you wrote could apply to me as well, so you're far from alone with how you feel. You are a great person, don't let others get you down. Do your best to make yourself happy, that's what matters.