by Carl » April 18th, 2016, 8:34 pm
I feel physically beat, but I could have kept working because mentally, emotionally, I feel ALIVE. And for the first time in years it has nothing to do with another person. I'm productive, and useful, whether I can get a job or not. I can still help my family. I can do something practical, which is one of the biggest reasons I've had a problem with finding work. Most jobs don't fit my personality at all, they aren't practical, don't feel productive, and are simply too arbitrary and needlessly complicated.
I may be a writer and a creative person, but if I can't work someplace like a library, I need to do straightforward physical labor. It feels important. It feels like it matters. It feels like I'm accomplishing something and it burns stress instead of creating stress. I need to get into shape and then I can find this kind of job.
I feel productive, and like I have value.
All of this because I mowed the lawn.