LAST PERSON TO POST WINS

[Buffy]

Meanwhile I'm still awake at 4 AM Atlantic Canada time. I really should go to bed. I have to work for 9 hours in a call centre tomorrow. Goodnight, guys!

[Carl]

Bye bye to both of you then.

[Gemini]

Mooooore: show

@Twin, Weirdly enough, for me, when I identify male, I feel right. It's easier to deal with stress, feels, etc. because I don't feel wrong about me. When I identify female... I hate a lot of what I am because physically and mentally I'm very masculine naturally. I've often been told I have a man's walk and my family tell me often that I act and look male, and when I feel male, too, that's all great. I really wish that I never identified female, and hope that I never do again, because that's the ugliest, most self-hating version of me it's possible to be; that version of me is insecure about my appearance, feelings, and attachments to other people... that version of me is clingy, depressing, and constantly seeking validation from other sources because there's none to be had inside. That's the version of me most of y'all know... but it isn't the real me.

This is. And I hope I don't revert back.

Ahhh, okay. I see. I was mostly just referencing you because I saw you say somewhere earlier that you were a lot unhappier when you identified as female, and I kind of related to that. Actually, I'd say I pretty much feel the same as you, but a little different. Mostly in that I never strongly identified as female (even when I was young... I remember referring to myself as boyish, because I had no other real way of describing how I felt, I guess?) and for the most part, my friends have seen and described me as someone who is androgynous and gender-neutral. In other words, my sex doesn't really impact how I act, and I'm not really referred to in terms of my sex. I prefer not to judge other people by theirs, either. People are just people, after all.

I would be lying if I said gender didn't mean much personally, though. Like I said, I became a lot happier once I just accepted that I wasn't that feminine and was more in the middle. It also just feels right. Granted, sometimes I do feel more masculine and other times more neutral, it varies a bit and all that... but I mean, I have traits from both genders and that's independent of my sex or anything else, that's just how I am. I'm comfortable with that. Meanwhile, I'll just be the best version of myself that I can.

//long responses are long but yeah I'm rambling now

tl;dr I see where you're coming from. Somewhat similar to my experiences, but with minor differences. Ultimately, though, I'm glad you're happy and have found 'you', so to speak. That definitely helps a lot.

[Carl]

Yeah, I get that. I have talked to quite a few people about this kind of thing and done quite a lot of research on the topics too. What you described isn't all that uncommon, and as you said, is somewhat similar to my experience.

That said, I just finally feel like I did in high school again. It's nice having friends, it would be nice to have romance, but... I don't need those things anymore. Not in the way I have needed them. Cos I'm me again. And I'm freaking awesome and totally capable of having fun alone. I like hanging out with just me again. It's so freaking amazing.

I had thought this kind of feeling was gone forever, but it isn't.

I'm ecstatic.

(And T-saur, if you read this in the morning... yeah... I am still angry too. The anger is in the background though.)

[it means no worries]

I've always preferred solitude right up to the point a few months ago when i found the right person.

[Carl]

Until I started making friends, so did I. Then everything got messed up and my whole life stopped making sense and a bunch of people were jerks, but now I'm awesome again, so forget them.

[it means no worries]

Good to hear!

[Carl]

It's even better to say, believe you me!

[Marizzle]

Morning, guys!

[Carl]

Howdy, pardner! 'Sup?