Attack Music

[YFWE]

I wrote this earlier in class. Kind of an experiment, more or less, with structure. I by no means think of it as being my best work, but it was a quick idea I wanted to put onto paper anyway. The idea stems from an idea for an AMV I plan on doing.

The story is written through the point-of-view of Zira, for all who need clarification. In addition, I did my best on the Swahili. If anyone feels I might have erred at any point, however, feel free to let me know.

That's that. Thank you for reading. I hope my little experiment is enjoyable for some.



"Attack Music"





Do not fret, my pride.

Be bold.

Be brave.

You knew this day was coming.

Listen…the sound of thunder approaches.

A storm is brewing. Mtahamia, my pride, mtahamia.

We have been suppressed for long enough. Simba, and even Mufasa before him, has kept us from realizing our true nature. What we are owed. Not even the so-called Great Kings can deny this!

We have been knocked down. Spit upon. Treated like dirt. My pride, we have been forced to live in a wasteland for far too long! Our day has come!

Vengeance will be swift. Mtapiga, my pride, mtapiga.

Our ranks have been diminished. Kovu is gone, and Nuka is dead because of him.

It is a dreadful loss. But through it we will trudge onward, in the name of my son and in the name of Scar.

Kovu has become weak. Simba and his wretched daughter have corrupted him, turned him against his kind.

We will show no mercy. Any friend of the Pride Lands is an enemy to us.

These are Scar’s lands. You recall how he was taken from us. You, my pride, know what must be done.

We will unite. Mtaamka, my pride, mtaamka.

We cannot sit around any longer. If we are ever to take back the kingdom, this is our chance!

Now is our time! Now we must fight! Do what you can! Do what you will! Do what you must!

Fight! Tear! Rip them limb from limb!

My pride, hear my cry. Hear my demand.

It is what Scar would want. His will be done.

Do not fear death. Death would be preferable to this wasteland. But the Pride Lands is our haven.

Think! All the fresh prey. All the fresh grass. The comfort. The bounty.

It could all be yours. Mnawaza, my pride, mnawaza.

We will be fast. We will be merciless. We will do what it is our destiny to do.

We will kill Simba. We will kill his daughter. We will kill the entire pride.

No one will stand in our way.

Not even Kovu.

We want war. Mtaua, my pride, mtaua.

We want war.




END

As I said, this is along the same lines/a lead-in to an AMV I'd like to do. I've never done an AMV but, as with RPing, a goal of mine in the next few weeks is to change that.

As for the Swahili words, the translations should be realized through context clues. If you're stuck and would like to know what they are, though, let me know.

If you would like to offer criticism, be my guest as I will always take it. I'm sure there is plenty that could have been changed and plenty that could have been done better. As I said, this was an experiment with story structure that I wanted to try out and see how it went. I envision this being a sort of chant, perhaps with a choir of voices rising up behind Zira. I think, after the AMV is complete, my vision might be a bit clearer. Then again, I may have totally crashed and burned, it's hard to say. I'm going to come back to this later tonight after I've done some other things to see if it's something I would consider putting on Fanfiction.net. We will see.

At any rate, thank you for reading. And for fans of my normal fanfic Wokovu--I'm halfway done with the next chapter. I hope to have it done by the first week of February, if not before.

~YFWE

[Mike]

It's pretty good from a reading perspective =) But I can just tell that it falls a fair ways short of your original vision :\ Reason for that is that it's just something that depends quite a bit on the inflections of the speaker, and that doesn't come across through words very well. As you say, it'd be a great chant. Not to say that this was bad, you did the best anyone could really lol. The AMV should be great as you said =)

[YFWE]

Thanks for the feedback first off, Mike. You've always been good with constructive feedback from what I've seen so I'm glad you commented.

I went and saw Up in the Air tonight (highly recommend it, by the way) and while I was waiting for it to start, I actually thought of some stuff that was pretty much along the lines of what you ended up saying. This definitely does not come off too well as a story but would probably be better-suited for something more spoken-word, for the reasons you stated. A chant is much better heard than read, just like a lyric of a song is better relayed sung than otherwise. I am glad that you think I did the best I probably could've with the material though, that's at least a plus. Once again, it was just an experiment... I think it's safe to say I won't be doing anything along these lines again, LOL. Looking back on it, I almost find it a bit choppy and stop-and-start. Could've captured Zira's personality a liiiiittle better too.

Anyway, I'll begin working on this AMV. I'm hoping it'll turn out well. ^^

[KiarasMate]

Well, you definitely get major points for originality on this one YFWE. ^^ I can't really think of anything more to say about it than that, but that's both a good and bad thing I guess. lol. I don't have any complaints or constructive criticism towards this work, mainly because it's the first of its kind that I've had the pleasure of reading, so I have nothing to compare it to in the first place. lol. I guess me not having much else to say on it is bad, just cause I can't really give you any helpful feedback whatsoever but hey, it was something new and something different and sometimes, that's all that's needed to start something big, so Kudos to you for stepping way outside the box and giving us something fresh and unique. Looking forward to any new work you post in the future of course and am I allowed a happy dance for the news about your new chapter being half way done for your Wokovu Fan Fic? Well, I'm going to do one anyways!

*does happy dance in anticipation for YFWE's next chapter*

[Ushujaa]

That's an awesome read, i love the intensity of it all
You really captured Zira's Essence of being
Great job!