My point of view of The lion king II Simba`s pride

[KopaFan13]

All the animals where gathering around Pride Rock and Timon and Pumba made sure that all the animals where there.When everyone was there Rafiki went on to Pride Rock and went over to Simba and Nala,Nala had a cub it her hands then she said,"This is Kopa".Kopa turned his head to Rafiki and then Rafiki lifted him up into the air ontop of Pride Rock.All the animals bowed to the new king.

Two years later Kopa was playing in the Inlands not meaning any harm when he bumped into a cub."Ouch! Watch where you are going clumsy!" the lioness said."Umm..sorry, I didn’t mean too-" the lioness stoped Kopa’s sentence,"Well,don’t let it happen again!" Kopa nodded,"It wont".The lioness smiled and said,"I am Vitani,whats your name?" Kopa replied,"Kopa" they were about the same age.They smiled at eachother and started to play.The next day Nala was very sore, she woke everyone up with her screaming.Simba and Kopa woke up astonished,"Are you ok?" They said at the same time.Nala frowned and said,"I didn’t tell you this but I am having a cub" Simba and Kopa’s faces froze then they jumped up with glee.They thought of lots of good girl names.Kopa said,"Why don’t we call her Kiara?" still in pain Nala smiled,"Thats a lovely name" Kopa looked proud.

Days past and the cub was still not born but was finally born after afew days.The birth was just like Kopa’s but Kopa had to stay at home.Zira was staring at Kopa with open is he was alone and bored,this was her chance.She pounced on Kopa and stopped his mouth,"Shhh!,my darling" Zira whispered,Kopa felt like crying.Zira took him away to the Outlands and her den was empty,she went into it still with Kopa with her paw over his mouth.When they entered she let go of Kopa and striked him,"OUCH!" he cryed looking at his blood on his paw.Zira bit his paw making him tumble over he fell on to the wall.Zira’s plan was working,she just kept striking him until...he fell and didn’t move.Then Simba and Nala returned home with there new baby Kiara,they saw that Kopa had gone and Simba knew the only place he would be in.Simba and Nala and Kiara went to Zira’s den and they saw dead Kopa Simba attacked Zira but Zira laughed and ran away.Nala cryed as she put her son’s cheek next to hers her tear went on Kopa’s face.Kiara watched her sad parents,of course she was only a newborn and then simba took Kopa away into Graveyards.

More comming soon!

[KiarasMate]

A decent story thus far KF13. Again, it feels like you're rushing the story though. You should take some time to plan out your events and give your readers a bit more detail into what's happening before you move on in the plot. Also, the way you wrote Nala's birth of Kiara, you might want to add in her telling everyone that it would be a female cub, as it seems odd that everyone would already know it's a girl and would start thinking of girl names. lol. Anyways, it's still a nice story and I'll be sure to keep an eye out for updates on this one. Keep up the nice work my friend. ^^

[YFWE]

Good start so far! I agree with about everything KM said though; you do have some things to work on. But you're not too bad at all. Keep it up!

[KopaFan13]

aww thanks guys and I will try and work harder

[LadyAnette]

No offence, Berry, but I have to agree with those two. You basicly rushed it and now you don't really have much to write about. Detail is also an importent part of a fan-fiction. Try to keep it as detailed as possible. Try to capture almost every moment of the story, not just skip several years later. But other then that, it's an awesome Fan-Fic! Good job!