[mlkfaa] - Mouse's Album -> Mosaic.png

[Mouse]

I looked down, 'there it was...' I thought, then it happened. "GET OFF OF MY PRIDE LAND!" A voice snarled and then a roar came. Mosaic yelped, and you heard a thud as your friend, Mosaic, fell too the ground. You looked at her carefully, and then you noticed... She was gone, and she was in Elveda Ruh.. You look at the lion who had caused this, then you saw your friend stir. "Mosaic..?" You asked, then she lunged at you, craziness in her eyes, and her mouth was foamy. You screeched in terror, then the lion ran away yelping when he saw that Mosaic had... [u]IT.[u]You whimpered when she almost bit down on your neck.

Hope you enjoyed! I enjoyed making this, and I put lots of effort into it.

[lionobsession]

I love her design! She's beautiful!

[Iri]

I loved it!
But may I give some constructive criticism?
It began with first-person, you know, the narrator being the person who actually experienced this. But then it goes to third-person, where the narrator tells the story about someone else.
Also, the story switched from present-tense to past-tense a lot.
Other than that, the picture is really cool!
Her design is pretty. <3

[Mouse]

Sorry X3 I am not the best when it comes to the story/plot

[Mouse]

Thanks!

[Iri]

No, no, no, I love the story! But I was just saying that for the future. c;