What are you thinking RIGHT NOW?

[UncoordinatedPisces]

I'm just waiting for someone to come up with an amazing idea aha. If any of you have really interesting RP ideas please message me loool

Haha, if you have anything, I would love to do one with you! I'm not very good at coming up with good starters

Gonna have to think of something epic

[juhouh]

Nooo! That's wrong but the rest are correct

[Regulus]

^ Gosh. I wonder why that is.

I don't wonder about it. I know why.

Spoiler: show

I don't live with my parents anymore, and I'm practically all alone in the world—despite even my best efforts to be more sociable and make more friends. I don't have anyone I can completely trust to look after me besides my roommate, but he's already talking about buying a house and going in his separate way, as I expected he would do. I have very few people I'd call my friends, and being around most people does more harm than good because I realize how boring of a person I am, and I end up feeling left out, less important, and less desirable of a person to be around than everyone else.

Of course most people would say that isn't true, and I would think so, but experience tells me otherwise. Most people really don't like to be around me, and even of those I consider my friends, they would still rather be around other people. And that's not just a distorted perception on my part—I know it as fact. I'm not worried about being judged by others. I am judged by others. It's not something in my head; it's reality.

This all manifests in the form of depression, worries, anxiety, low self-confidence, and hardly any self-esteem. It makes such nightmarish scenarios seem like plausible events—hence the reason why they occur with such frequency.

This didn't happen before because I was never truly lonely before. I didn't seek out social interaction all that much. Now that I have been seeking out social interaction, I've found that being rejected or otherwise disliked by my peer group is a very common occurrence. There is seriously nowhere I can go to find acceptance on any sort of level. No one tells me it's okay for me to be who I am, and I sure as hell don't feel liked for who I am. No one is ever on my side. No one is going to give me a hug and tell me it will all be okay. As far as I'm concerned, it won't be. So far, it seems no one is capable of being the person that I need.

And so whenever I dream about other people, these subconscious thoughts are carried over. In my dreams, not even my family likes me anymore. In the real world, I'm almost entirely isolated. In the past week, for example, I've spent 165 out of 168 hours being totally alone with no one to talk to. In my dreams, this feeling of isolation is exacerbated an eeensy teensy bit. Okay, maybe a lot. But it's there, and that's why. It's a product of my reality.

[Tsuki]

^ Many hugs for you Regs . Feel free to PM if you ever need a chat or a rant

And I do hope my friend will be Ok. That really is worrying news

[Carl]

^ Gosh. I wonder why that is.

I don't wonder about it. I know why.

Spoiler: show

I don't live with my parents anymore, and I'm practically all alone in the world—despite even my best efforts to be more sociable and make more friends. I don't have anyone I can completely trust to look after me besides my roommate, but he's already talking about buying a house and going in his separate way, as I expected he would do. I have very few people I'd call my friends, and being around most people does more harm than good because I realize how boring of a person I am, and I end up feeling left out, less important, and less desirable of a person to be around than everyone else.

Of course most people would say that isn't true, and I would think so, but experience tells me otherwise. Most people really don't like to be around me, and even of those I consider my friends, they would still rather be around other people. And that's not just a distorted perception on my part—I know it as fact. I'm not worried about being judged by others. I am judged by others. It's not something in my head; it's reality.

This all manifests in the form of depression, worries, anxiety, low self-confidence, and hardly any self-esteem. It makes such nightmarish scenarios seem like plausible events—hence the reason why they occur with such frequency.

This didn't happen before because I was never truly lonely before. I didn't seek out social interaction all that much. Now that I have been seeking out social interaction, I've found that being rejected or otherwise disliked by my peer group is a very common occurrence. There is seriously nowhere I can go to find acceptance on any sort of level. No one tells me it's okay for me to be who I am, and I sure as hell don't feel liked for who I am. No one is ever on my side. No one is going to give me a hug and tell me it will all be okay. As far as I'm concerned, it won't be. So far, it seems no one is capable of being the person that I need.

And so whenever I dream about other people, these subconscious thoughts are carried over. In my dreams, not even my family likes me anymore. In the real world, I'm almost entirely isolated. In the past week, for example, I've spent 165 out of 168 hours being totally alone with no one to talk to. In my dreams, this feeling of isolation is exacerbated an eeensy teensy bit. Okay, maybe a lot. But it's there, and that's why. It's a product of my reality.

You know I hate it when you say "no one."

[Regulus]

^ You're right. I shouldn't say such things, and especially not out here for the entire board to get caught up in my drama. It's not right for me to say that, and it's unfair to the people who have tried to help—you're obviously included in that category.

more rambling: show

But the fact remains that such feelings exist within my subconscious, whether or not they are justified or grounded in reason. Arguments can be made in either direction. Either way, being told that I'm not allowed to feel lonely when I do, in fact, feel extremely isolated is counterproductive and furthers my point even further. I know you have good intentions, and I can't question that. But the truth is, no one is really all that helpful.

There's only so much you can do. There's only so much anyone here can do. A few kind words, while appreciated, aren't going to change much of anything in the grand scheme of things. It's not about words at all. It's about actions. I'll still wake up tomorrow, spend the whole day alone, and then go to bed to repeat that very same process indefinitely, rest assured I'll probably have many more nightmares to boot.

I only get one life, and this is it. Every day is like this. It's not my choice, it's just the hand I've been dealt. Life's not fair, and I don't expect it to be. I have to make do with the lot I've been given to the best of my abilities. This is far more independent of you than you realize. You can't blame my problems on your inability to help me. Every last bit is completely, entirely, and totally within me, even though the cause itself is entirely environmental and basically predetermined by things that no one really has any control over.

Someone could help me, but that person isn't you, or anyone from this website, for that matter. In order for me to feel marginally better, what I need is someone who is both able and willing to spend time with me, preferably doing things that we'd both enjoy. That person isn't you, and it isn't anyone from this forum. That person doesn't exist to my knowledge of reality, and that's why I say "no one."

We've talked about this before. You can't be that person that I need, you don't want to be, and you know you aren't. So, quite honestly, I'm a bit surprised that you don't want me to say what I said earlier. It's a little confusing, unless I'm misinterpreting something.

In any case, I'd rather keep this off the board. I wasn't exactly planning on ranting today... it just happened because Tsuki was wondering why I have bad dreams, and I wanted to vaguely explain without going into too much detail. It's all too personal and I really don't want to talk about it in any sort of depth.

[The Spirit of Life]

Am I the only one who can't see anyone's avatar?

[Carl]

Cats can be so cruel, ugh.

[Daenerys]

idk why i stay up so late i'm so tired ughhhhhhh

[Arbystrider]

Cats can be so cruel, ugh.