What are you thinking RIGHT NOW?

[Regulus]

Buffy - Only just seen your post. You get the odd customer like that sometimes, just ignore them. I've got a great mentality for people like that.. i'll share it with you next time on Skype as I wouldn't put it on a PG13 forum xD

I wanna hear it, too.

[Shadowfax]

#i4rtcuc,m-o=------------------83p22ttgggr5509 8700000000000005vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvio

^ Lightning the rats message to MLK

[Tsuki]

^ HI RATTY!!!!

Well...feel better than I did this Morning

[Regulus]

Do you ever get the feeling that everything is just wrong? Like... this isn't the way it's supposed to be. The universe must have encountered some sort of critical error, sometime in the past. I'm not living my own life, am I? Is this really it?

This doesn't seem right. It can't be. I don't know who I am, but I know the person I've become is not an accurate representation of myself. It's like... I don't know. Weird stuff.

It should be the choices I make that define me, but that is not the case. It doesn't seem to be, at least. What is defining me is the summation of my experiences--which are very unrelated and actually contrary in many cases.

[Carl]

^ I think we all go through that. I don't know if everyone gets past it or not though. It's best to unplug from the Matrix, that usually works.

---

It's ironic how the things I need to give life meaning are also products of the adaptation of society that is the reason I need to give life meaning.

[Si-Amber]

Annual letting agent visit at 10.30am tomorrow. Really should be finishing tidying the flat, but really can't be bothered!

[Regulus]

That's the only thing I can do. And even still, that doesn't change reality. It is reality that I always have to come back to. Any escape from this external character that I am in the real world is ony temporary. It's dull, lifeless, and of questionable, unfound purpose.

This character should be free and unchained by rules, regulations, and societal expectations, but that couldn't be further from the truth. In reality, I'm as restricted as I could possibly be. I have no freedom whatsoever--the very life that I live is not mine. The events that impact me are not my own creation. I have no control.

It's my life, but it's not actually mine. I'm just following along for the ride. I'm entirely powerless to incite the change I want to see. The decisions I make all lead to the same end result, regardless of my actions. I have no ability to act as it stands now. I don't have free will.

What happens, happens. What doesn't happen never happens. It's all predetermined. I simply don't know what the predetermination is, and I will not for quite some time.

There are some things I can change. There are some things I do have control over. But of all those things, none of them form my identity any longer. They've become so minute, so insignificant... I don't have any idea who I really am anymore.

It's not what I do that defines me anymore. It's where I belong. That place, wherever it is, is unbeknownst to me.

It's not something I can choose. It's not something I can force. It just is... but the trouble I face is that it actually isn't.

I don't know where I truly belong. As far as I know, that place has yet to be found. It's not so simple as taking my place in the circle of life. I need to find it first, and let me tell you, this isn't it.

I have this idea of who and what I am--I can't describe it, but it's definitely there, as an abstract sort of idea. Whatever that idea is, it doesn't match what I see in the mirror. It doesn't match my voice. It doesn't match the entire life that I have.

This character I live inside isn't me. I don't know who I am or where I belong, but it's like I don't actually exist... yet. I am so much more than this, but I can't prove it. There must be something bigger and better up ahead... there has to be. I don't know how I can say that, or what evidence I can use to show it. It's just...

I'm not like other people. I'm not making this up; anyone who knows me should be able to see it. In books and movies and TV, the one who is different is the one who has the most critical role of all. That should, in theory, be me. I have no idea what will happen in the future, but I should find my place in the end--some place of meaning and significance.

But there's no guarantee that that will happen. It would be awfully arrogant of me to assume such things. Right now I am nothing; I have nothing to show for everything I believe I really am.

And that's why I'm lost. What should I do, Mufasa? How will I ever find myself?

[Carl]

^ I think that is actually what life is. There really aren't that many people who aren't lost. Even those of us who seem found often aren't.

[Regulus]

It sure doesn't seem that way. Most people at least have something to guide them, be it a person, clan, philosophy, religion, etc. There's generally some idea.

But I... well, in my case, I'm not really sure what it is that guides me. I couldn't be any more clueless. I would say it's me that I'm listening to, but I'm not so sure that it's internal at all. Why do I do what I do? I can't actually answer that question. I don't know. I just do. It's instinct, I guess.

Okay, so maybe it is internal. But it doesn't quite seem like it. It's more like I'm being pushed along by some indescribable force of nature, completely outside my control or understanding.

[Carl]

That's because you're not on Facebook.