I have something to say...

I have something to say...

Postby Adofo » February 15th, 2014, 2:37 am

Hey guys. There's something that I need to say. I've helped a lot of you guys out with your problems when ever you guys are feeling down. But no body has really ever asked me if i ever needed help. I've talked to a few of you. Like Tacos and Unikels, but the thing is, when I've talked to them, honestly, I feel worse than when I first talked to them about my problems. I feel like my life is one big stupid punchline to them! When I tell someone my problems, I feel like no one ever takes me seriously. And it's not just them. My friends, family, everyone thinks that when I say I'm depressed that they just treat it like a joke! I feel like not one person on this planet cares about how I feel! I've even talked about ending it all with Unikels and I just feel....i don't know.....uncared for. I know she and everyone else I've talked to don't mean it that way, its just how I feel. My whole life whenever I would finally get something decent in my life, it gets taken from me! I get me a car, it starts falling apart. I get the best little puppy in the world and he dies from a seizure! I make a decent friend and they move away. Everything, even the small things that are nice or that make me feel good about myself, like I actually have meaning to be here, that I actually can call something mine and be proud of it, is ripped away from me! On top of that, I can't find a job, I'm a disappointment to my parents, I can't draw, I'm terrible at school! I just.........I want something that I could hold onto. Someone who I could depend on that even in the darkest pit of my soul could just reach out a hand and pull me back out. Most of the day, every day, in my head I balance all things of why I should even be here. Most days........I'm just tempted to end it all. I don't know what to do! I feel so lost! So unloved and uncared for! So much like.........nothing......nothing more than a burden. Tonight........I almost made a decision that........I don't even know how to say it. Ending all of it. I backed out of it but..........I'm sorry. I just wish I had something that made me matter...........I'm sorry guys.

-Cody
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby Kipekee » February 15th, 2014, 2:43 am

Cody, no. I'm going through hard and personal times myself. My Dad is okay but his job isn't. Look, I know how you feel, a few years ago I tried to choke myself. Kept breathing.
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby Adofo » February 15th, 2014, 2:48 am

Yeah well you're not 19 with no special skills, hanging onto your education by a thread and have nothing to show for your life! LOOK AT ME! I'm talking to a 12 year old about how little meaning my life has! I've hit rock bottom!
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby Adofo » February 15th, 2014, 3:00 am

And even you could give a crap abut me! When I said my final goodbye, all you said was "Fine then... Goodbye. I'll remember you." What the hell was that!?!?! Five seconds after that I could have been dead! And you know what, every conversation I've had with you, it ALWAYS leads back to you! You're just like the rest of the world! IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU WANT!!!!!!!!! Oh hey Cody, can you come pick me up, i'm 10 miles away, but I'm not gonna pay for your gas! Hey Cody can you do my homework for me, but I'm not gonna owe you anything because I'm stupid and don't know how to do anything! Hey Cody I just broke up with my girlfriend and I can't live without her and I'm considering suicide! WELL WHEN IS IT GONNA BE MY TURN!?!?!? WHEN WILL I GET HELP!!??!?!? WHEN WILL PEOPLE EVER CARE ABOUT ME!?!?!?!!? WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SACRIFICES HIS TIME, HIS ENERGY AND THAT DOES IT OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART TO HELP SOMEONE OUT NO MATTER HOW BIG OR HOW SMALL BUT NO ONE CAN EVER DO IT ONCE FOR ME!?!?!?!!?!?!?WHEN!?!?!? WHEN WILL THAT COME?!?!?! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All I want is some help!!!!! Something i can be proud of! Something i earned! .......but it'll never come.....it's not like I deserve it anyways.....
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby snowflake754 » February 15th, 2014, 3:43 am

Cody, i know that sometimes people don't take others seriously, and i am one of those people who doesn't get taken seriously.You may feel like no one cares about you, but i do. I care about all the friends I've made here; everyone goes through a rough time or a little bump here and there. But you should always know that there are people in this world who do care. Like.i.always tell Marz when she's feeling down, just believe in yourself. I'm 18, so i kinda feel what your going through. Whenever you need help with something, just ask me hun. I'm always willing to help those in need or assistance. Trust me, things will work out for you. ;-) And I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, im saying this out of truth and heart. Don't end it Cody; Go further with your life, and you can draw to me. Your unique and special.in your own way.
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby Adofo » February 15th, 2014, 3:50 am

Thanks Tamara! And I will! And did you see what I wrote to Unikels below this? I feel like a monster.....if she told Moka to ban me for that......I wouldn't blame her...
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby snowflake754 » February 15th, 2014, 3:58 am

Well it may have possibly hurt her feelings; but you could just explain to her that you were just a bit upset and kinda irritated with your problems. I'm sure if you apologize, she will forgive you and move on. Im sure you didn't mean it.
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby Adofo » February 15th, 2014, 4:04 am

I know I hurt her feelings......and I did apologize. I do hope she forgives me! And I wish she didn't make me feel like she's just trying to be better than me. Cuz that's how she makes me feel. But....I also don't want to lose her friendship.
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby Marz » February 15th, 2014, 4:06 am

awww...... don't feel that way........ i know how you feel! I feel like my friends ignore me, everybody ignores me, even on Valentine's day! My friends kinda ignored me completely today at school, sure, I felt mad, but I don't hold grudges, and neither should you c:
I hope you feel better Cody<3<3
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Re: I have something to say...

Postby Adofo » February 15th, 2014, 4:09 am

Thanks Marcy! It just hurts to spend my whole life helping people and I never get anything in return. Hardly even a thank you.
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