by Squeely » November 27th, 2016, 9:49 am
Not bad per se, but bordering on bad:
I got very bored watching The Sword in the Stone recently. I hadn't realized just how much the first half plods along when I was a kid. Also, Arthur has like three different voices, and I'm not sure why they didn't just have the kid re-record all his lines once he was through with puberty, or else hire a new actor. Also, it's flipping King Arthur, from the company that gave us Sleeping Beauty. I feel like there's so much potential for that same great magic-and-fairytale stuff here, but instead, what we got was pretty meh.
The Black Cauldron came much closer to same great style Sleeping Beauty had, but it faltered in too many regards. Taran was whiny, useless, and generally unlikable. Gurgi is annoying. None of the other characters are likable enough to save the film. And the film is sorta too dark n gritty in regards to the art style; it feels like there's a bit of a depressing atmosphere about it, which there shouldn't be in a Disney film. Something about it just feels sorta off. The Horned King is a pretty terrifying villain and I wish he was in a better movie.
The Rescuers has always bored me. It suffers the same problem that The Sword in the Stone did, in that it starts off too slow. Granted, I have no problem with slow starts to films if done well, but this felt like a drag. Penny felt overly-cutesy and Madame Medusa felt like a poor man's Cruella, so I just found it hard to get invested. The Rescuers Down Under fixed pretty much everything and is what The Rescuers should have been, in my opinion.
While I do like The Aristocats, I can't deny that the criticisms I've heard about it are valid. The stakes are really low here, probably the lowest they've been, in comparison to things like evil queens and Maleficent dragons. Edgar is a forgettable villain. There's not as much connection between characters as there usually is: we don't really get a whole lot building up the bond between Duchess and her kittens, for example, so we're less invested when she loses them. And there's a lot that feels like padding in an already-short film, especially the scenes with geese that add nothing to the plot. Add in the fact that Scat Cat's band being nothing but racial stereotypes has not aged well at all, and it's easy to see why this one doesn't land on most favorites lists.
You know, it's really baffling how meh Pocahontas turned out. With The Lion King having turned out spectacularly despite being a B-team effort, the A-team should have been able to churn out something more or less on par. Instead, we get the blandest characters in the entirety of the 90s renaissance. Even the character designs are kinda off here. While I do like them somewhat, it's quite jarring to go from big-eyed Aladdin and Jasmine to this attempt at a more realistic look. And it doesn't quite pull realism off effectively, perhaps because women are forbidden from having noses here. Pocahontas "listening with her heart" in order to speak fluent English is bs, but if you're going to go that route, why not have the animals talk? I get they were going for something different by not having talking animals, but they had the perfect reason for them to talk.
Hercules is something of a hot mess. When you think Disney and Greek mythology, you probably don't think of something quite so... Vegas-y? I don't hate it's style or tone, but ya kinda expect something more epic from this sorta thing. Also, Hades keeps up his end of every promise he makes, but Hercules doesn't. There isn't much to Herc, either. He's just your screw-up hero good guy. There's just something about Hercules that makes it all feel so meh.
What kills Fantasia 2000 is all the celebrity appearances. The animated parts themselves are really good. Not as great as the original's, but they do at times come close. But by god, the celebrities, so many awful "jokes" and so much congratulatory patting the film on the back before it's even over... Why, just why? Watch Fantasia 2000 with the remote handy, so you can skip the celeb crap.
Actually bad:
The Wild just feels so, so bland, on top of feeling like something of a mish mash between Madagascar and The Lion King, without any of their charm. There are too many stupid or unfunny jokes and too little that stands out about this to even make it halfway decent.
Unlikable characters, low quality of animation by Disney standards, and a by-the-numbers "save the farm" type story plague Home on the Range. I feel like the seeds of a good movie are buried somewhere in here - they could've stepped up the animation and maybe done some unique spins on the old save the farm cliche, and it would have felt a lot more unique. We learn too little about our characters, so it makes it hard to connect with them. Also, the hypnotic yodeling is a bit too out-there. I know it's kind of a play on the Pied Piper, but it's a really strange one that doesn't really work.
Chicken Little is flat-out terrible. Bad animation, bad character designs, and everyone is just so mean-spirited toward the titular character, especially his father. There's not being that good at being a father, and then there's being far too mean.