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View topic - Ou's Story Thing — My Lion King Forum

Ou's Story Thing

Ou's Story Thing

Postby OuRaion » May 29th, 2013, 11:03 pm

Um, yeah. This is a story by me, that has been praised by critics everywhere! (Well, two people)
I was reluctant at first to stick this up, you know, because I'm me, but I've had some positive feedback about it.
So I'm going to post this and see what everyone thinks.



Yeah, I know, it's really short, chapters are only ~1,000 words each, but it is my first attempt at anything like it.
Tell me what you think!
Last edited by OuRaion on July 11th, 2013, 2:37 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby Kal » May 30th, 2013, 4:01 pm

You knowz what I feel about this already. ;) Really good!
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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby OuRaion » May 30th, 2013, 9:45 pm

Yay! One person! Guess I'll put up chapter 1 then.

(It'll be slightly changed)
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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby Dark Huntress » May 31st, 2013, 12:17 am

Oh. Didn't know I was supposed to post! Awesome! :highfive:
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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby OuRaion » June 1st, 2013, 1:03 am

Here is chapter 1. As I said before, it's really short. And the names aren't that original.
To those of you that have already read it, I made a few changes (+300 words) so have fun reading this chapter thing!

Hope you enjoyed it!
Last edited by OuRaion on June 2nd, 2013, 7:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby Dark Huntress » June 1st, 2013, 10:59 pm

Lovely! You might need to proofread a few spots though...

Overall I really like it!
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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby Kal » June 1st, 2013, 11:04 pm

Guess what? I still think it is cool! Nice of you to pad it out a bit more too.. :)
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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby OuRaion » June 2nd, 2013, 12:41 am

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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby Dark Huntress » June 2nd, 2013, 7:07 am

Mostly spelling :D Hehe..

I crouched down in front of it, it’s head still following my every movement.
I believe the 'down' is a little redundant.

It lied down in my arms, looking tired.
It lay down in my arms...

The front door was opened then closed, the car was started up and my aunty drive out the front gate.
Drove...

With no time to talk, I hopped out of bed, ran for the car wearing my pyjamas and hopped in the back, doing up my seatbelt.
Pajamas.

I'm sorry, I just like things to be spelled correctly, I don't mean to sound snobbish...
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Re: Ou's Story Thing

Postby OuRaion » June 2nd, 2013, 7:09 am

Yup, blame MS word.
Thanks anyway, I've fixed it.
Can't rely on MS word...

And no, pyjamas is spelt right.
Pajamas = US English
Pyjamas = British English
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