79 Remain of the Draconic Race

79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Misiziri » July 18th, 2011, 5:58 pm

Easy, tigers. This is my first ever fan-fiction. I'd like people to read it and give me an absolute honest opinion, and if possible, critique of this story. It will not hurt my feelings in the least if you critique my work in a tasteful, respectful way. Saying, "biatch this writing sux!!!" will probably offend me a little =P Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the piece!

Preface Part 1


About 1,200 years ago, the Draconic Race flourished and lived in almost every corner of the world, from sparse meadows, to lush forests, to toxic sulfur pits. This race included Wyverns, Hydras, Dragons, and Serpents. However, some of these members of the Draconic Race had branches. Dragons were the most diverse, and had the largest number of branches, included a plethora of different types. Serpents merely had the Land Branch, of which members of this branch looked merely like overgrown snakes, and the Sea Branch, which were enormous, frightening beasts that dominated and controlled the sea.

Wyverns, although they had no separate branches, came in many a shade of colors and differed slightly depending on area. The Hydra was always a dull colored, giant, and potbellied menace. The Hydra had 5-47 heads that rarely ever agreed on anything. This powerful race thrived and lived upon the planet for an innumerable sum of years until the war period.

A lesser species at the time, man, lived in small clans in temperate places of the world. They began to grow in numbers, their intelligence leading them to prosper. They began to inhabit colder climates, hotter climates, until, like the Draconic Race, man had groups on every corner of the planet. However, they still lived in very small clans, and associated only with nearby clans. Fearful and powerless against not only the Draconic Race, but many other races as well, they cowered and dared not stray anywhere away from the protection of the others. Of course, the younger ones did not do as told and wandered astray. Most of them were never seen again.

Their intelligence endowed them to produce weapons, but they could not design a weapon so powerful it could defeat a dragon. Besides the fact, slaughtering a single dragon would enrage the others enough to wreck complete havoc on their lands. And this did happen.

A toolmaker had developed and strong spear from the petrified wood of an ancient tree, and tightly laced a large knife at the end of it. A weaker dragon had attacked his mate and children, so in anger and panic he plunged the spear into the heart of the dragon. Minutes later, the dragon's mother, father, and its 7 siblings destroyed and killed every member of that clan and wiped out 3 surrounding clans. The mother dragon issued a warning:

"Our young, vulnerable and uninformed, are our most precious and cherished members. Those fools who dare slaughter our treasures will not see mercy from us! We will see to it that everything you have worked so hard to build is ripped apart in front of your very eyes, and then we will rip you apart as well. Stay away from our children, stay away from us, for you are nuisances! You are a pathetic and weak race, and we will drive you to extinction if need be."

A few years later, the remaining people of the other 3 clans repopulated to some success, and their young leaders were fiercely angry at the Draconic Race.

"Dragons have killed us, Wyverns torment us, Serpents do not allow us to traverse the sea, and the Hydra guards its territory so fiercely no man can enter. Am I the only one here who refuses to endure this treatment?!" He yelled.

Others raised their fists in agreement, others shook their heads.

"I am angry, too, but this is irrational. If we take out any more of their young they will drive us to extinction."

"That's right," a fellow member agreed, "And our success in repopulation will have been for nothing. I say we migrate farther east were the Draconic Race is smaller and more content."

One snapped back, "Did you not hear him?! The Hydra guards territory out to the east! It will gobble us up and spit out or bones!"

"Exactly, he's right! We should just stay here and mind our own business!"

"Fool! How can we mind our own business when the Wyverns command us to move aside and then steal our food?! And every time a dragon gets mad because he's got a thorn stuck in his butt, he destroys all that we possess!"

"Well... I suppose... we, uh... deal with it?"

"No! No longer. I refuse this," another began, "The Draconic Race expects us to let them kill our people, steal our food, and destroy our villages. They see us as pathetic! Well we are not pathetic! I want to show these beasts the that we are the true power of the land! Hahaha!"

"Sit down, you fool. You know that's never going to happen."

While they bickered and argued, from behind the cover of the shrubbery 2 members of the Canid Race listened.

"They're quite silly. They are letting their emotions, especially anger, best them. They’re not using that anger for prosperity in the long run, they're using it for revenge now."

"You're absolutely right, milady. They fail to contemplate the long run, it's all about what happens now with them. I pity them..."

"So do I. I believe most of our race shares this same feeling. These poor dears need help if they are to survive."

"What are you purposing, milady?"

"Hmm... I want the Canid Race to become man's ally. Perhaps together we can learn to live alongside dragons peacefully. With our intelligence, and their appliance, I think we can make it happen."

"Milady is a terribly smart wolf. I think we can make it happen."

She nodded and smiled, "You're absolutely right."

- - - - - - - -

Preface Part 2


The wolf emerged from the shrubbery, her expression collected, calm, and confident.

"Oh! Are you going to greet them? Should I come along, too, milady?"

"Of course, silly! Let's show ourselves and tell them about our plan, both of us."

He nodded and hoisted himself up. The two giant wolf figures stood there in a clearing. 'Milady' showed a sumptuous white coat, save for small patches of gray around her front ankles. Her beautiful eyes glowed yellow. Nevri, her faithful male companion, had white fur with caramel-colored splotches and dashes. His eyes were yellow as well, but not as luminous. His expression was nervous, uncertain. A reflection of his entire personality.

She casually sauntered over to the clan, a friendly smile spread across her face. Nevri followed behind her.

"Hello, my friends! Greetings and regards! My name is Yuxi. This is my good friend, Nevri. We've come with an offer."

The clan turned their heads to the wolves, not phased in the least bit. Man had always gotten along with wolves peacefully, and some smaller members of the Canid Race lived alongside man at the time.

A member of the clan spoke up, "Hello, wolf. What suggestions have you come to offer us?"

Her smile grew more affable. "I have a beautiful plan."

Nevri approvingly concurred, "Yes, it is a brilliant plan! Milady comes up with many fine plans."

"What do you think, my fellow man, should we listen to the wolves?" One inquired.

Should you listen to us, tch! You are very vain people. I must fix that...

They nodded.

"Great, I'm glad you'll allow us to announce our plan. But you must promise me something before I begin. You must not interrupt me as I speak, and I want you contemplate deeply what I will say to you. My words are the truth, there is no running from or denying this. Do you agree to this?"

"Your words are the truth, huh? Wolves don't lie unless it's for a noble cause, right?"

"So then start speaking, Yuxi!"

"I'd be delighted to. Now! As you can clearly see, the Draconic Race has dominated over you ever since your existence on this planet, yes?"

They eagerly nodded in agreement, their ears perked up.

"You're right, Yuxi! Are you going to help us dominate them?"

Her friendly expression became brooding, adept. "No, hush. Let's cut straight to the chase. You cannot look past a quick revenge. And face it; you won't ever get there. There are far too many dragons to even consider such a ridiculous thing. Killing a single dragon will get every last one of you killed. Revenge is a malevolent emotion, but anger is not on all occasions. I want to help you direct your anger to help you prosper and survive. Not use it for revenge and for causing others pain.

"You stupid wolf, dragons are so successful because they're so vengeful! I mean, we killed one of them and they destroyed 4 villages!"

Yuxi did not grow angry, only annoyed, "You agreed not to interrupt me. Now seat yourself, fool! Dragons have survived for so long because they are physically powerful, have many skills, are intelligent, and can easily adapt to new environments. You, man, are not physically powerful. You are puny. But you are intelligent in ways that other animals cannot be. You can construct tools because you have prehensile hands, correct? And you can adapt, not by changing you body, but by equipping you body with these tools, such as the clothing you wear right now. You are lucky to have such traits. But you, man, you have such powerful emotions. This is similar to dragons. Serpents and Hydras do not have such varied emotions. Only Wyverns and Dragons do. But you feel such incredible anger, and you have such astonishing vengeance. And this stems from bearing a powerful love. Be it for your friends, children, mates, you feel powerful love. We wolves share this trait with you, love... and we, too, were once passionately hateful towards the things that tore our love apart. But we resolved this. And I need to resolve this with you if you are ever to be successful."

They didn't like being told this. But they had agreed to deeply contemplate Yuxi's words, and they began to.

"Now let me get more into detail..."

- - - - - - - -

Preface Part 3


"I do not wish to bring dragons pain or despair. I merely wish for them to respect you, and for all of us to live alongside them with little dispute. I don't wish for anyone to 'dominate.' In my eyes we are equal..."

Man seemed to have forgotten about not interupting Yuxi.

"You only talk about dragons... what about Serpents or Hydras?"

She allowed this to be asked, "I can do nothing about Serpents. You, man, of all the environments you can equip to... the sea is not for you. Not only this, but the Serpent is too wrathful and less intelligent than the dragon. They feel rage above all other feelings, and their low wit will not allow them to think about anything else. Nothing will calm them. At least nothing I know of. As for the Hydra..."

She paused for a second. Nevri glanced up at her.

"There are nowhere near as many Hydras as there are Dragons. They usually only guard mountainous territory, which is a place you have no reason to inhabit... cold, infertile soil, it's harsh and forbidding. We will leave them be. Dragons are my primary concern."

"Wyverns...?"

"Wyverns are the Canid Race's ally. We will simply tell them to leave you be in peace, inform them of our plan. I'm sure they will comply. Have you noticed fewer and fewer attacks from Wyverns? They merely taunt for thrills. They are much less brutal than the rest of the Draconic Race. Perhaps the Wyverns will become your ally in time."

"I like where this is going. You do speak the truth, Yuxi!"

"Yes, I do. Now Dragons cherish their young. They are the most devoted parents of any race."

"If they're so great, why do they hate us so much? You know, hate... the thing you're not supposed to have? It propelled them this far."

"Hate did not propell them this far. They were around longer than you have been. In the Beginning Times, strength and eating was all that mattered. Emotions then developed, the first being willpower... this pushed the Draconic Race far. The will to live, the will to survive only. Then love came, and when tied with will-power was extremely powerful. Other emotions emerged soon after, and the Draconic Race was equipped with all of them. Even vengeance. And I will tell you why their vengeance is so powerful, and may even be considered... just. The immense willpower to live is still within them. The great love for their young and mates is prominent. They hate man for a reason only they can understand. It has long been rumored that dragons can see vague premonitions yet to come... something that is instilled in their brain. They must see something in you, man. And for them to react so violently, I haven't the foggiest what it is they see. But I believe that there is no 'destiny,' that the future is not set... my goal is for man to become peaceful with them, whatever premonition they're seeing will be rendered false. Dragons will understand this. Hydras and Serpents we will have to stay away from. Wyverns are friendly..."

"Yuxi. So, this is the basic strategy, I understand... man and dragon will live alongside each other peacefully. How so...? You never stated 'how' we could achieve this..."

"I will now. We will train and teach you to direct your anger and hate into creating peaceful things in the long run. You will righteously hate unjust things, and that hate will drive you away from or drive you to fix these unjust things. Anger and hate are closely intertwined. Let your anger towards badness drive you to feel happiness in goodness. Do you at least somewhat understand my words...?"

- - - - - - -

To be continued...
Last edited by Misiziri on July 19th, 2011, 3:31 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Daenerys » July 18th, 2011, 6:15 pm

So....stinkin'.....AWESOME. I can't wait for C2!!
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Misiziri » July 18th, 2011, 6:16 pm

[quote="DragonStar"]So....stinkin'.....AWESOME. I can't wait for C2!![/quote]

Thank you so much :D I'm glad someone likes it!
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Azdgari » July 18th, 2011, 6:41 pm

Glad to see you starting to write! For a first fanfic this looks splendid! It's very, very early (no characters introduced yet other than 'milady'), so I can't say too much about the plot. But you've set the story up nicely and given us a pretty good idea what the setting of this story will be. Spelling looks just fine, and grammar is mostly correct. It would benefit from just a few more readthroughs and edits, because there are a lot of very small errors sprinkled in, be it a comma error, incorrect word, incomplete sentence, etc. And it's my pet peeve, so I have to bring this up:

[quote]Dragons were the most diverse, and had the largest number of branches, included a plethora of different types.[/quote]
All three parts of this sentence say the same thing. You could say Dragons are diverse, or that they have the largest number of branches, or that there are a plethora of different types, but saying all three in a sentence is just repetitive and unnecessary. =P

I'm looking forward to more, and I can't wait to meet some characters! ^^
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Misiziri » July 18th, 2011, 6:44 pm

Awesomesauce! Thank you! Yeah, I actually did recognize that sentence was repetitive, but I couldn't think of anything to change it to =P I got some food in my belly now, so I'm going to write Preface Part 2 now. Thank you for reviewing!
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Azdgari » July 18th, 2011, 6:57 pm

My pleasure. ^^
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Misiziri » July 18th, 2011, 7:36 pm

Part 2 is up ^^
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby KIFOtheLION » July 19th, 2011, 12:05 am

Rate: :D
i like that you don't mind to have characters killed off, even if they are just nobody, and still use it to set up the story without giving too much away. so yeah, good job so far.
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Misiziri » July 19th, 2011, 12:08 am

Thank yeh :precisely:
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Re: 79 Remain of the Draconic Race

Postby Daenerys » July 19th, 2011, 1:36 am

I love your writing.
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