79 Remain of the Draconic Race

[Azdgari]

Well, here's what I pick out of it.

[quote]Her friendly expression became brooding, adept[/quote].
...Was it brooding or adept? When you use two adjectives each other like that and they're unrelated, you generally use 'and' after the comma.

[quote]Yuxi did not grow angry, only annoyed, "[/quote]
The comma should be a period.

[quote]nd you have such astonishing vengeance.[/quote]
Vengeance isn't really a trait, it's more of an action. :3

[quote]Not only this, but the Serpent is too wrathful and less intelligent than the dragon. [/quote]
This is a little awkward sounding with the 'too wrathful' and 'less intelligent' right next to each other.

[quote]They feel rage above all other feelings, and their low wit will not allow them to think about anything else.[/quote]
'Low wit' is kind of weak. There are a lot of great ways to say something is unintelligent.

It's in part one, but 'endowed' isn't really the right word for that situation. :3


Also, it would be a good idea to establish a setting. For all we know this whole discussion is taking place in a Times Square burger king. A setting is key for helping people visualize. Part of me wants to say you should also add more physical description to the dialogue, but if you're trying to keep this prelude almost sort of like an old fable, I can understand just having straight dialogue. It's ultimately what you're going for; no description makes it feel like a Genesis-esque 'this is the tale of how it started', whereas description makes it more vivid and tangible. It's up to you. ^^

[Azdgari]

Whoops! Double post!

[Misiziri]

Right, setting. Good idea! I'll improve the grammar, too, but I'm leaving it as it is so I can reflect on it... the improving shall start beginning with the 4th Preface

Thank you very much!

[Zoketi]

Whoa,this is great so far! xP I really love your writing style. <3

[Misiziri]

[quote="Zoketi"]Whoa,this is great so far! xP I really love your writing style. <3[/quote]

Thank you so much, I'm delighted :'D I shall continue with Preface 4 sometime today, I pwomise.

[Daenerys]

Awesome ^^

[Zoketi]

Yay!

[Misiziri]

[quote="DragonStar"]Awesome ^^[/quote]

Thank you so much, guys! Yes, I must thank everyone who dares walk in. POLL: Which Race do you prefer, Canid or Draconic?

[Zoketi]

Awww...hard question. Gonna go with Canid. Love da wolves. <3 But Draconic is epicsauce.

[Misiziri]

Thank you! I'm currently in an RP, so the next Preface will probably arrive sometime tonite.