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View topic - A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu — My Lion King Forum

A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby Regulus » July 21st, 2013, 1:28 pm

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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby cleargreenwater » July 21st, 2013, 4:29 pm

They all have such alterior motives going on under the action of the plot I'm still not super sure what each one's respective game is honestly D:

I mean it's good in a "keep guessing" sort of way, but by this many chapters it also makes it a little difficult to frame future consequences in the plot.

Still a fun ride, I just gave up on trying to figure out how their encounters with other players will impact the story in the future. Just have to take your word for it in subsequent chapters!
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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby Regulus » July 21st, 2013, 4:45 pm

You mean, I've overdone it? xD

I'm guessing part of the reason for that is because all the main characters have multiple, dynamic motives throughout the course of the story. I suppose I could try to clear things up in the next chapter or two, especially if there's any one issue in particular that isn't explained very well.

Anyway, thanks for your feedback. :)

---

Edit: I'm glad you said something about that; I just realized there was something very important that I thought I explained, but never did. I'm going to have to dedicate an entire chapter to that, now. xD
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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby Chizuna » July 23rd, 2013, 2:12 am

I'm really liking this story especially the way you've built up Mohatu and Mari as characters. The way they act and think are so realistic that I think this is the first time I've ever not wanted two main characters be in a romantic relationship because what you've already written is great already. Not everyone has to be in a relationship to have a fulfilling connection with another person and I'm glad you've pointed it out in your writing.

I think that the plot is great too, it's so elaborate and detailed that admittedly I do get lost/confused a few times but it also makes it exciting ;)
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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby Regulus » July 23rd, 2013, 3:39 am

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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby Carl » July 23rd, 2013, 8:16 pm

I would have given feedback already, except for lack of knowing what to say. :ha:

It's a great story, and on Saturday evenings after work it's nice to sit down and read for a while and focus on something outside of life. (Well, it's nice to focus on things other than life anyway, thus my writing and reading other fics a lot more frequently since I've been doing "grown-up" stuff.) Anyway, on to the point of this:

Not only have I been reading each chapter as it comes out to see what else you've cooked up for these characters (who are as someone else pointed out, very well developed), but I have been also trying to take notes of things you do that work so I can become better at writing myself. For example, I've begun putting more effort and time into the planning stages of my works, something I don't usually spend a lot of time on. Also I try to become better at making characters more three-dimensional since I've been reading this fic.

That said, I should take this moment to admit that, as much as I like Star Wars and gaming, I really have not played KOTOR enough to know the story. I just didn't like the gameplay. So, though I do know the gist, reading this is still proving very interesting (of course I know the events in your story aren't going to be the same, but you get what I'm saying, no?)

To wrap this up, you're doing an excellent job of making the story interesting and providing it with depth. The characters are interesting, the plot's interesting, and the fact that it always keeps your readers guessing is spectacular.

You should write something original to you (if you're not doing so already!) and see if you could get it published. I think you could make money from your writing. Keep it up!
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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby Regulus » July 24th, 2013, 12:26 am

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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby cleargreenwater » July 25th, 2013, 11:13 pm

Yeah, sorry about that, I missed all of Page 4 of this the first time I gave it a read. No wonder I was lost, LOL.

I would still like to know why all of this maneuvering around Mohatu and why one is the villain when there's always been 2 brothers to choose from though :P

Unless I missed that, too D:
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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby Regulus » July 26th, 2013, 12:04 am

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Re: A Kingdom Reborn: The Legend of Mohatu

Postby Regulus » August 4th, 2013, 12:56 am

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