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View topic - Lost and Found — My Lion King Forum

Lost and Found

Lost and Found

Postby Arbarano » August 14th, 2010, 4:54 pm

Better start with the obvious: I'm a fairly new author, so if you do have any corrections to make then don't hessitate to point them out. Now, for the moment, I'm not going to include a synopsis, because...I'm not good at writing them without spoiling vast amounts of the story. But I will say this:

"Mufasa's death...was a terrible tragedy," but it was not the only one to occur that night.

Also, massive thanks to my betareader, Aquaman52 off of Fanfic . net.

Now, as I think this story will end up being quite long, it may end up being split between posts, but other than that, I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I did writing it. :)


-------

Chapter One




Chapter Two




Continued (for now) in Post 6.
Last edited by Arbarano on October 26th, 2010, 12:14 pm, edited 8 times in total.
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby AdAstrα » August 14th, 2010, 6:47 pm

That was....amazing :O You are a great author! I wish I was half as talented as you,looking forward to reading more!
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby Azdgari » August 15th, 2010, 6:42 pm

Very impressive, Arbarano! This is quite a debut. You write in a wonderfully descriptive and creative way, painting beautiful pictures in our heads with clever word choices and use of metaphors and similes throughout. There's not a whole lot for me to critique (Aquaman52 is an incredible fic writer, so I'd imagine with him betareading your material it'll tough to pick out many errors) but I'm very interested to see where it goes from here. You've set the stage for quite a story and I'm excited to watch it develop! Keep it up! ^^
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby Arbarano » August 18th, 2010, 11:00 am

Wow. Thanks for all the positive feedback guys :)

QueenofPrideRock, thanks so much for the comliment, but you're a great author yourself. And I'm glad that you're impressed Azdgari, especially considering how good your own story is.

Anyway, chapter two is now up, so enjoy!
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby Azdgari » August 18th, 2010, 3:25 pm

Wonderful again, Arbarano! Some very interesting ideas are developing. You've got me hooked on this story. ^^

The only thing that threw me for a loop in this chapter -- You describe how there are three laws all lions must follow, it seemed odd that you only mentioned one and not the other two. I was sort of confused when you only mentioned the one and then continued on with the story (although I saw later it was insinuated that banning the Cubship Ceremony was a second one) Just some thoughtful criticism. =]
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby Arbarano » October 26th, 2010, 11:52 am

Chapter Three




For some reason, I can't edit this chapter into the opening post. For now, I'll post it here, but as soon as possible I will move it to where it belongs.

Anyway, enjoy as ever :)
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby Arbarano » December 24th, 2010, 1:11 pm

I think I must have hit a character limit in the opening posts, so from now on I'll just post each chapter on its own.

Anyway, it has been a while since I updated, but I'm not giving up on it!



Chapter Four



Thanks for staying with the story, and I hope you enjoyed that...decidedly non-Christmassy reading. ;)
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby Azdgari » December 24th, 2010, 4:59 pm

Yesssss! I'm delighted you've stuck with this! It's one of the only stories on MLK that truly has me hooked. I'll be sure to review tonight once I have time to read it without rushing. Great to see you back around! ^^
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby Azdgari » December 29th, 2010, 10:43 am

Sorry it took me so long to read this, Abarano, but goodness am I glad I finally did.

Simply put, I would say this is the best fanfic being written on MLK. For a story taking place largely in a new setting for a reader and with well more than half the cast as OCs, it's an incredibly compelling read. This is because (and I've been talking to YFWE about this recently) you write these OCs so brilliantly, bring them to life in such a realistic manner that it's only natural for a reader to become attached to them. By the time I read through your third chapter, I didn't read your fourth out of courtesy as I do many of the fictions I read. I read it because I was wholly invested in Khalfani. I was anxious to see the Pridelanders leave their cubs. In short, I was completely hooked on your story.

Of course, it's not only your characters and your impeccably natural development of them that seal the deal for this fic. Your writing in and of itself is nearly flawless and at times almost poetic, more than anything your superb and profoundly moving scenes of grief shared by Khalfani and Masaada and later at the ceremony. I'm rarely, rarely one to be emotional during a story much less a fanfiction, but I was affected by the memorial: the theme of a brother watching his father and sister die and a especially a mother outliving her daughter is tough stuff and you depicted it a poignant and touching manner.

"Masaada hadn't even had the chance to tell Afla that she loved her, or say goodbye to her baby before the flame of life was snuffed from her chest." That is a glorious metaphor, man.

As far as critical evaluation goes, one thing stuck out for me and it's something theundersigned touched on in his review on FF.net: you can be repetitious, especially when it comes to language. The word aggrieved came up twice in a very short amount of time which struck me as odd given the plethora of words available to mean the same thing. In addition, the word Cerulean was used many times over to describe different characters' eyes. Also, while I tend to relish the amount of detail you put into this, at times the lengthy descriptions can drag on, slowing the story down. Sometimes in writing, less is more. Just something to keep in mind.

I'm rather raving about this story, but it's the best continuing fic I've had the privilege to read on here in a long time. I can't wait for your next update! ^^
Last edited by Azdgari on January 2nd, 2011, 9:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Lost and Found

Postby Arbarano » December 29th, 2010, 1:03 pm

Thanks for another glowing review, Az, and it's great to know that I've got someone else hooked on this story ;)

I am taking the concrit on board, though, and rest assured that a lot of the repetition will be phased out.

As for when I can get the next chapter up...it's difficult to say. A combination of exams and a holiday has kind of put me out of writing until the end of January, but I'll try and be quicker with my updates after that :)
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