"Lost Rogue" by Australian Chaos (PG-13)

[TheWhistlerify]

Very good chapter!

[AustralianChaos]

Chapter 9 is up...

...and a big thank again to everyone who has commented, I really appreciate it.

[TheWhistlerify]

Wow, chapter 9 was excellent! Again, nicely done!

Wait, does Tani have a cub? I don't remember reading about him / her

[AustralianChaos]

That my friend, will be discussed next chapter. This is a slow-moving story, though, so you may want to try and take guesses at whatever you think will happen, otherwise you might end up going insane.

But Tani's story is far from over.

[YFWE]

That was a very good chapter, chapter 9. Perhaps almost slightly unorthodox to have an entire chapter dedicated to one flashback, but you'll get those occasionally. Nonetheless... very high drama and varying in emotion, from a sense of stability to a sense of total anarchy. Poor Tani, of course! Her distrust of Tanga only makes even more sense now. Something like that would certainly be a heavy ordeal to put behind oneself.

Word to the wise: in the future, putting a flashback scene in italics is a good rule of thumb. This makes it easier for someone to tell when a story is no longer in the time frame that we're used to being in. Cuts down on possible reader confusion. Putting '28 Months Ago' works (though I've never been keen on believing that lions would have the concept of months, and 'before' would probably be a more suitable word than 'ago') but the most proper way would probably be otherwise, though this is kinda alright because of the posting structure on the forum.

Maafa and Tani's meeting seems a bit odd to me, but I could simply be only reading into it too far. Maafa's plan was to leave, and he had yet to directly say that he wanted Tani to go with him, let alone imply it, until she made a bit of an outcry against his leaving. It wasn't until then that things went south. I guess his intentions seem strange... had this been Maafa's plan all along, to reveal his true nature to Tani in that moment? If so, what would have happened had Tani not had actual feelings for him and had not protested his leaving? Would he have just left, or would he have revealed himself then? I think the whole execution seems a bit spotty. Also, if Maafa was supposedly leaving, how would Simba be "dealt with later"? Would he and his allies (assuming he had/has allies) be returning later to continue their work or something?

I'm getting extremely nitpicky at this point, but that part just seemed a bit odd to me for those reasons. Perhaps you can explain it to me in a way that will make the scene seem more believable, instead of just seeming convenient for plot purposes.

Otherwise, I still think it was well-written and well-thought-out. I can't see why this wouldn't continue to be a top of the line fanfic. Very interested in the next chapter!

[QueenRalexia]

Chapter 9 is sad, but very well written

[vitanithelioness]

great job! well written!

[KiarasMate]

Well, I plowed through all those chapters in one sitting and I'm glad I did, because it was a wonderful read thus far AC. ^^ Like I've told you already though, I'm already a fan of your writing style and I think you put a lot of detail, thought and creativity into your work, and this story just amplifies my original thoughts. ^^ I like how you add in a few of the familiar elements from the first movie, yet alter them slightly to fit your story, such as the hyenas interacting with Simba and the way the two cubs (sorry, but remembering precise names gets a little tough after reading so many fan fics over the years) interact with one another, much like Cubby Simba and Cubby Nala did. While it's been done before, I never get tired of reading stuff like that, since it gives you that nostalgic feeling and really helps to pull you into the story and reenforces that this is, in fact, an LK Fan Fic. I'm enjoying the pace to which the story is moving along thus far and nothing extremely major, as in flaws, seem to jump out at me, although it's not perfect, but comes very close.

Using the word rogue so much in chapters 3 and 4, did get a little repetitive I think, although I completely understand why you did that, as obviously we couldn't learn Tanga's name right off the bat, and there's not exactly a broad choice of words that could be used in place of rogue that would still convey the same sense that you're trying to get across, but still, with how long your chapters are, I think I would have probably grown tired of hearing the word rogue if it had dragged on for another chapter. lol. At least you spelled it right though, and for that, I thank you! ^^

*can't stand rouge lions*

As with most long Fan Fics, I think it would be beneficial for you to go back and proof-read your chapters, depending on how much of a perfectionist you are, as I found a few little typos here and there, ones that SpellCheck wouldn't point out and would only be discovered from proof-reading your work. As the chapters progressed though, this fact lessened though. I think Chapter 3 had the most little typos in it, or at least, that I can remember now after reading all 9 of them.

I probably should re-read Chapter 9 again, as I was a little distracted thinking about what was going to happen to Tani in that one, as I pretty much knew from the start what was going to occur, just because...well, that's the type of mindset I have and it's sort of similar to the way one of my Fan Fics played out too, but under different circumstances of course. Anyways, aside from being a little confusing, I think it worked for the most part. ^^ Nuka is Tani's half brother though? I get Tani mixed up with Vitani alot too, since I'm used to calling Vitani Tani, just as a pet name. Wasn't sure if I misread that part of the chapter though. ^^

So, in conclusion, I'm really enjoying this story thus far. From your wonderful character development, to the length of your chapters, to how well thought out everything seems to be, I can safely say that this will be one of those Fan Fics that I stick with until the end...hopefully. lol. Great job buddy and I look forward to Chapter 10. I have my theories of what might happen too, but I don't want to say any of them either, just in case I'm wrong, or even if I'm right, since I think that would take away from the fun of actually finding out myself, not as if I'd expect you to let me know if my assumptions were correct or not, but you know what i mean...probably...maybe...? Either way, I can't wait for more! ^^

[AustralianChaos]

Thanks for all the feedback, guys...seems that Chapter 9 was a popular one to talk about.

Speaking of which...Chapter 10 just went live! Go see the rest of Tani's story!

[TheWhistlerify]

I know where this is going (suggesting); Tanga and Tani will get closer but then he'll remember how does he know Mafaa, and then she'll hate him again once he tells her =O

Well writen as always