Nala: The story of a broken heart

[AustralianChaos]

Read the latest editions...and ouch! Hard times for Nala.

But your abilities are excellent, and I have little more to say. You're biggest shortfall at the moment could be your lack of detail in any events or scenery...but sometimes that's a good thing, as it keeps the story short and sweet!

Excellent work!

[Arani]

Ya, I'm still working on the detail part. I'll get the hang of it soon! I've got another fan fic I'm working on aside from this one, so I hope it's better!

[AustralianChaos]

Well, I just finished reading it...

and if I'm brutally honest, those last couple of chapters felt rather rushed.

I'm not sure whether it was the fact that the story was taking scenes from the movie, or whether you were just eager to finish it off, but it felt like the story moved at an exceptionally fast pace. sometimes it can good to spare readers the details, and let them build their own picture of the world around the characters...but it just seemed TOO brief, too quick, at points.

But even so, a very solid fan fiction, and I'm happy I read it! It painted an interesting picture of Nala's time in Scar's reign, and the way you included Mheetu was interesting as well. Aside from the rushed feel of those last 2 or 3 chapters, I have little to fault in the fan fic...and I can get rather nit-picky when I want to

I can't wait to see what you have for us in the future!

[Arani]

AustralianChaos. Lol, ik. But everyone knows the scenes in the movies, so I didn't feel like it needed as much to it. I'm sure a lot of people on here could resite the whole thing by memory! I just thought that I was adding something to the story that we already know. And besides, I like to write so that people really have to think up what things looked like and how the whole thing really worked, build their own image. I do get what you're saying, Chaos. I just felt that repeating all the deatails was not nessesary. Thanks for commenting! My next Fan fic will be up soon!

[AustralianChaos]

Of course...it's your story and you write it your way. And yeah, there is no need to describe scenes already shown to us in the movie.

I'm just the kind of person who likes to see these things described...see what the writer can come up with. And besides, I find it can be interesting to "add" little extras to certain scenes from the films.
For example, as Simba and Nala returned to Pride Rock, you showed Nala calling all the lionesses up to overthrow Scar, which was never in the movie. I would have liked to see more of that, but it's not everyone's thing, and I accept that.

I just thought I'd point these things out, that's all. I know having those sort of things pointed out to me when I was first starting to write really helped me improve.

[Arani]

Thanks Chaos! Don't think I didn't appreciate your comment! I'm putting it to use in my naxt fan fic! I take any help I can get to become a great writer. You're help has been very helpful, and I thank you very much. Thanks for pointing them out to me, I''ve already fixed things up a little bit, hope it made it a bit better and not as rushed!

[Arani]

Thanks for the coments and help guys! I have another Fan fic up and almost finished!

[James]

lol. It's a nice fic. JustLike the other one. Good Job (y)

[Arani]

Thx!

[axx1000]

Cool story, i skipped all the parts that were in the movie though since when i read thing i already know on whats going to happen i get bored. I was expecting for Rafiki to be in the story but i he never came in.

Lastly i have to say that when i read fan ficts, i love to find errors and poke the athor with them like there a sharp stick, tee he he he he. but i wasnt able to find any. Some might say its debatible weither Safafina was in the 2nd movie or not but it was never confirmend so i guess you got by from that. So congragulations, and i cant wait tell i get to read your next Fan Fics