Starry Night

[Simbaholikov]

A good twist to the story in chapter 7, I like it, and also, Scar's name seems to be jumping from Capitalized to
Uncapitalized
And Ed's name jumps from one D to double D at another point
Other than that, I can't see anything wrong.

[Ushujaa]

yeah i get confused i have to check if its 1 d or 2
but yeah i will go back once im done writing the last chapter TONIGHT!!! hopefully if my mom doesnt come into the kitchen and smack me up for being on the computer writing about tlk after like 10:30, yeah that didn't work out but hopefully i can finish writing it later today...

[YFWE]

Hey, sorry I've taken so long to review this. I promise I wasn't dead, I've just had an incredibly busy few days. ^^

I really like what you're doing with this story now, I mean that. Scar is very in character, definitely conniving, though I almost can't believe Ushujaa would actually take Scar's proposition! This should get pretty interesting, even more so than it is right now. Keep it up!

[Simbaholikov]

Excellent, excellent, you have really great story telling skills!
You have got Scar's personality perfect, and for Pumbaa, I believe it is two A's in his name

[Ushujaa]

Woah really!?! i should know that because i'm playing him in the school adaptation... dang i never realized lol i'll have to go back and re-edit it...

[YFWE]

Another interesting addition to your story! Not too much to say about this one, but it WAS good. Can't wait to see what you come up with next!

[Simbaholikov]

Really excellent!
I guess it's not you're last chapter then Can't wait for the next one

[YFWE]

Well, that was a very interesting story, Ushujaa!

I do have a few comments, though, and this was mostly concerning the storyline. The majority of the story was quite good but the last few chapters were incredibly rushed, especially the last one--I'd definitely recommend trying to go slower with that next time, try to spread it out a bit. Because when we've built up this far to have such a short conclusion, it can be a bit unsettling and not fulfilling sometimes. ^^ The ending just happened waaaay too fast and seemed kinda weird... like, you know, that Ushujaa would switch over to Simba's side again as quickly as he did. But you still did a very good job on this overall! Definitely hope you'll write another story someday. ^^

[Ushujaa]

Thanks YFWE
I did realize this but i was coming short of idea's after 10 chapters, so i decided i am going to write an epilogue... i'll be able to patch things up... with that... hopefully...

[YFWE]

Okay, I look forward to it then!