The Lion King: Before Simba

[KiarasMate]

You're very welcome my friend. ^^ It was just a bit disappointing because you have such a fluid and enjoyable writing style that I was really looking forward to reading how you would have built up the animosity between Muffy and Taka, but there's still plenty of time for you to delve deeper into that matter and I'm sure your next parts will be just as amazing as your first two have been.

[Polkadot]

Thank you, and sorry about that. ^_^; I was planning to go deeper into the hate, hopefully I'll succeed!

[Polkadot]

I'm really sorry for the wait, I've been lazy, but this part is much bigger than the others so I hope that compensates. ^^; Also, sorry for double posting! It was an accident.


“Cubs, time for some pouncing practice.”
The words had only just left Uru’s mouth when a cluster of cubs gathered at her feet. Mufasa, Taka, Sarabi and Sarafina. The Princes’s tufts of hair had grown slightly, and darkened by just half a shade, but they were already bragging.
“Look, look, my mane’s growing!” Mufasa yelled excitedly, as they followed Uru and Sarafina’s mother away from Pride Rock.
“Don’t flatter yourself, Muf, it’s just a tiny tuft that’s gotten a bit red.” Sarafina rolled her eyes, batting at the clump; Mufasa’s face scrunched.
“Hey, stop it, you’re ruining my mane! Mom!” He whined.
Uru responded with a half-hissing, half-growling noise.
“Get down, all of you.” She whispered, crouching low, her belly barely off the ground. The cubs hushed, scrambling behind a rock, knowing they were watching a professional.
The brown lioness faded in amongst the grass — despite her unusual fur colour, she still blended into the landscape as easily as any other lioness.
“Where’s mum?” Taka hissed to Mufasa, starting to panic. “Mum?!”
“Be quiet! She’ll be there in a minute, stop fussing.” Mufasa scolded, jamming a paw over Taka’s mouth and keeping an eye on the herd of antelope grazing nearby.
A low bellow split their scuffling; from out of nowhere, Uru had leapt onto the back on an antelope and bit viciously at its spine. The antelope crumpled, its long legs tangling together into a confused mess. Uru quickly finished the demonstration by dodging a flying hoof and biting into the prey’s neck. The beast flopped and never rose again.
The cubs trotted towards the Queen, Mufasa confidently leading the way, Taka trailing at the back.
“Did you see that? Did you see how I sunk low, the crucial parts where I struck him? I hope you did, because now you’re going to pounce on some critters.”
Uru gracefully swished towards a small hole in the ground, obviously the home of a small ground creature.
“When it comes out... which it will, when it smells berries, you each have take it in turns and chase after it and pin it. Pretend to bite it’s crucial points, don’t really, or the next cub won’t have anything to chase. Everyone clear?”
The novices bobbed their heads, scrambling into a line - Sarafina, Sarabi, Taka, then Mufasa. While they sorted themselves, Uru had placed a clump of berries by the hole. The creature seemed to have a good sense of smell — a brown fluffball scuttled out, before trying to dive back in at the sight of the predators — slightly too late. Sarafina had already jumped in on the scene, batting the creature away from its hole. It began to run — Sarafina followed, almost pinning it. Every time her paws pushed it down, it would wiggle out of her grasp and slip away. Finally, exasperated, the young lioness leapt on top of it, squashing it down on the ground.
“Now, Sarafina.” Uru lifted Sarafina by the scruff of her neck, much like she’d carried her own Princes shortly after they were born. “You know that’s not what you do. Sarabi, quickly, chase it!”
Sarabi took off, not flustered at all; remaining calm and cool, the cub’s attempts was similar to Sarafina’s — the creature was sly, jerking in different direction as the cub prepared to pounce. Uru ended up having to lift Sarabi off the creature in the same way as she had lifted Sarafina; the young lionesses needed to learn patience, and not to just jump on the prey when they got annoyed.
Taka swallowed as Uru beckoned him to run. The fluffy prey scurried through the long grass — Uru pushed Taka forward with her nose. The Prince stumbled into an awkward run, catching up with the creature. Taka pounced — the prey dived. Caught off guard by the sudden movement, Taka fumbled mid-leap, landing on his face.
A pitiful “ooooh” chimed through the clump of cubs nearby — Uru appeared by her son’s side.
“Are you okay, Taka?” She licked his face reassuringly.
“Yeah, Mum, I’m fine, I’m fine.” Taka snapped, eyes burning with embarrassment. He spat dust back onto the ground, glancing at the other cubs. They were all stifling giggles, including Sarabi — Taka’s heart sank at the sight.
Uru bolted away to search for the creature he had been chasing — in less than a minute, she returned with it wriggling in her mouth.
“Do you want to try again, son?” She asked, her voice laden with love.
Taka nodded; if he only tried once and gave up, he’d be dubbed the weakest lion in the pride.
The creature whizzed through the grass — Taka tried harder this time, running with a few inches to spare between them before pouncing.
Once again, Taka fumbled and fell face-down on the ground. Picking himself up hastily, his face coated with dust, he could feel the giggles being stifled by the big boulder.
Uru’s tongue attacked his face — she licked him clean, before sitting by him.
“Would you like to try again, Taka?”
Taka shook his head fiercely, forcing the lump in his throat to disappear, and the tears welling in his eyes to vanish. Uru nuzzled him affectionately.
“Don’t worry, son, I’m sure you’ll pick it up soon.”
The Prince trotted back to the clump of cubs, shamed, his head hanging down. Even the girls had beaten him — they’d kept their balance throughout their attempts, sometimes getting a grip on the animal. All he’d done was face-plant twice.
Mufasa modestly approached his mother — not his usual, confident saunter. He didn’t want to rub anything in his brother’s face.
Nevertheless, he still pinned the animal on his third try. The first two times, the animal had slipped out of his grasp like with the girls, but after that, he ended up pinning the prey strongly between his paws. He grinned as it wriggled helplessly.
Sarabi and Sarafina burst into cheers — even Uru praised Mufasa strongly, before letting the creature run free.
“Well done, my son, you’re a natural hunter.” The Queen smiled, licking Mufasa’s face with pride.
Even though he’d been successful, Mufasa didn’t swagger back to his friends. Instead, he trotted straight to Taka.
“How are you feeling, brother?” He asked quietly, trying hard not to gather attention.
“I’m fine! Get away from me.” Taka shrank away, gravitating towards the safety of his mother. “Don’t... don’t talk to me.”
Mufasa, incredibly confused, tried to sort his jumbled thoughts.
“What? I haven’t done anything, have I?”
“You’ve done enough.” Taka snapped — realising his anger, he calmed himself. “Please. Please, leave me alone.”
The yellow cub, still confused, obeyed; he walked at least two metres away from Taka the whole way home.
And from that moment, from when Mufasa got all the praise, all the attention, managed everything perfectly, and Taka had been inadequate, a failure, as usual — the smaller, brown cub felt that their relationship had finally been severed — and would never recover.

[Simba93]

wow, you are a good writer.
love the story!

[Polkadot]

Thank you very much!

[Panda-chan]

You write really well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading everything lol. Can't wait for the next chapter. ^^

[KiarasMate]

See! Now that's exactly the type of material I was expecting! ^^ Very well done my friend! This definitely sheds some light upon why and how Taka grew to loathe his brother and it's really well written like all of your work is. This chapter definitely holds a lot of significance to your main story's plot I feel, and it really did add a lot to the depth of the story itself. I always enjoy your attention to detail and how you make the scenes flow so smoothly. I think you really did capture the essence of each character too and like everyone else, I'm thoroughly enjoying this Fan Fic and can't wait to read the next part whenever you post it. Keep up the spectacular work Polkadot. ^^

[Polkadot]

Thank you, Amanda and KM! Your comments put a great big smile on my face, I'll try very hard to keep the satisfaction coming!

[YFWE]

Ahhhhhhhhh, this is so good! This story is quickly becoming one of my favorites on the site. I think I love your dialogue most of (have I said that already? If so, sorry!), though everything else is just splendid as well. I love your attention to Taka and Mufasa's relationship (or, so it seems, lack thereof) the most in this story, which is probably a good thing as it seems to be the centerpiece of the storyline. I would say that Taka seems a bit unreasonable in severing his relationship with his brother simply because Mufasa did better than him at about everything... but then, that's bound to happen in a lot of families, so it's certainly not unheard of! Everything about this fanfic is so smooth and not rushed too!... really, this is just great, a very enjoyable read. Can't wait to see where this ends up going, especially as they get older and grow more mature. Be sure to take your time on it too; no need to apologize for a week's wait. Trust me, by MLK's terms, a week in between updates on a fanfic is actually quicker than most. ^^

[Polkadot]

Thank you very much, YFWE! Your comments are much appreciated!
Yes, I do feel quite lazy as I don't update often. I'm really scared of rushing the story, so I'm pretty paranoid about that! And yes, I'm planning to add some more events which cement why Taka dislikes Mufasa so much.
Hopefully I can keep you guys happy with the rest of my writing!