Power

[K0PA]

this is excellent verey wall dun

[YFWE]

Thanks K0PA! Appreciate the kind words.

[Azdgari]

After reading this again; shocker, it was still really good! I really appreciate the pacing. The setting is set and then we're right into it, without a dull moment until the end. The incorporation of little details like Nala's departure and especially Zira's reaction to Scar's proposal made the thing feel very authentic.

One thing that kinda stuck out as odd to me this time around was the speed at which Sarafina and Sarabi and the story in general gets over Kayra's death. I know this isn't your fault at all (it's a short story; there's no time to mourn~) but it still seemed like a jump from the grief at her death to Sarabi's almost mischievous comments.

I'm just trying to find something to criticize here; it's still quite impressive and deserves much more attention than it's getting. Seems to be the norm for you, unfortunately. <3

[YFWE]

First of all -- a second review on a one-shot? That's almost unheard of!

I think you're absolutely correct. The way I wrote the ending, it definitely seems like Sarabi gets over Kayra's death far more rapidly than one might expect. That wasn't exactly the intent nor how I envisioned them in my head; I had pictured Sarabi's smirk to be a bit... you know, saddened-yet-hopeful. A cross between a grimace and smirk, perhaps. Alas, 'tis my fault for being unable to convey that correctly. I tend to sprint to the finish line when it comes to stories once said finish line is in view; I think that's what happened here.

Thanks for pointing that out! Very good insight.

[xLilacVixenx]

(Excuse me for not replying sooner)

This story has a lot of potential and was immensly pleasing for me. I immediately warmed up to Kayra's character and was really hurt when she was killed. (This also could be an opening for a new fan-fiction of yours; what if she did survive? What happened when she came back?) Anyhow, the dialogue was perfect for each character. I also love how you answered reader's questions and comments throughout the story. For instance, when Shenzi said she would love for Kayra to "stick around for dinner", I instantly thought of the line from the movie and I would have judged against that in my review, but Banzai spoke my thoughts for me and I found that very cleverly placed. (Even though I'm sure it was unintentional) The dialogue was not the only clever thing I found in this story; although I was, if I may say, deeply sorry for Kayra's death, I found Sarabi's line very clever. When Kayra was (probably) distracting Scar, this would give time for Nala to sneak away. I had one question: did you intend for this to happen, or were you wanting to let Nala exit without other's knowing? (Well, Sarabi obviously didn't know until then, but what about the other lionesses?) I also noticed the problem that Az pointed out, but I don't think it's too big a deal. ^^

All-in-all, I found this pleasurable and neat with a slight twist of power. (Lame pun, lol) I would definitely give this a 10/10. <3

[YFWE]

Vixey, I never expect reviews, so anytime you got the time is fine -- there ain't no deadline! 'Tis an honor to hear from you!

I will say this first and foremost -- if I write about Kayra again, it will be in a setting prior to this story. I don't like doing the 'you thought they were dead but they're actually not' thing... too easy for me. Plus this was truly meant to just be a quick one-shot that inserts itself into the original film. That's part of the challenge for me, finding something that can fit (mostly) seamlessly as though it was some sort of deleted scene.

If I'm understanding your thoughts correctly on the 'stick' line... that was intentional, actually. A friend of mine is big on puns, and he's kinda transferred some of that over to me in the past year or so. The line was meant to be both a bit of a homage to the original line and a play on the fact that Kayra was about to get whacked with... well, a stick! It's the kind of thing I can picture them doing. They ARE hyenas, after all, and part of the comic relief in TLK.

Finally: the Nala plan was between Sarabi and Nala. I like to think Kayra and Nala pitched the idea to Sarabi. In the long run, both of them were running off to find help. Nala waited back at Pride Rock in the event that someone trailed Kayra -- which they did. And with literally the entire pride and Scar's ranks dealing with Kayra, where does that leave the rest of the patrols? Depleted, meaning Nala's able to slink out of the Pride Lands without anyone noticing. Since Kayra was a headstrong lioness, I picture her being the one to volunteer to be the possible bait. It wouldn't have been a suicide mission in her eyes necessarily, nor for the others. Her mouth kinda got her there. I think that the intent would have been that if she was caught, Scar would punish her in whatever way he saw fit, while Nala escaped. Obviously he took it a step further.

I hope that clears some things up. It requires a thought process looking at their plan to see how what they were thinking, but I didn't want to include that in the story because I see that as bogging the pace down with boring details. If this were in the movie, I would think this would be much easier to present, because some things are better shown, not said, and a visual production could convey that quite effectively.

Thanks for the review! Glad to be able to talk about this thing on a deeper level than the usual 'hey, thanks for reading!' I really appreciate it.