Kopa's Destiny/ Vitani's Path

[thelionpride556]

This story focus's on Kopa and Vitani's life. POV's including. (Point Of View)

Chapter 1
Kopa

"He hasn't opened his eyes yet." I heard a voice that sounded full of worry. "Hush, Sarafina. He's only 10 days old. He'll open his eyes when he's ready." Another voice said. This one was calming. I'll remember that one... I thought as I squirmed over and started feeding. "How is my son?" A male's voice called. He sounds cool! I thought
At once, I felt his eyelids open. I opened my eyes to see a rusty-brownish lioness staring at me. The lioness gasped. "Nala, his eyes are open!" The lioness exclaimed. I gasped. Did I do something wrong? I thought as I tried to squirm away. But before I could get anywhere, something grabbed my scruff. I squealed in worry until I was placed down. "Hush, little one. It is only me, your mother." I heard another voice, the sweetest and calmest of them all.
I looked up and saw a beautiful lioness staring at me, sweet aqua eyes, beautiful fur. I sighed at her beauty. Would I ever meet another lioness like her? "Simba, come meet your son!" Mother called. "Oh Nala, he's just beautiful." I heard the lioness who's voice was once worried, now was calm. "Thank you, Sarafina." Mother thanked. Sarafina, I'll remember that. I thought. Suddenly, a lion with a huge mane came in. My eyes widened. One day, I will be just like him. I vowed. The big lion walked up to Mother. "He's beautiful, Nala." The lion said.
I looked up at him. He was even bigger up close! "Hello, little one." The lion said softly. Atleast he's nice. I teased to myself. "What should we call him, Simba?" Mother asked. Simba! I thought. What a powerful name! The lion chuckled. "We'll call him Kopa." Simba said. My eyes widened at the sound of my name. Kopa!! I thought happily. "Kopa!" I called by accident. By then, everyone was staring at me. Mother, Simba, Sarafina, and the rusty lioness.
Then they started 'Aww'ing at me. I ducked down, a little embarassed. Mother looked down. "Kopa, this is your father Simba." Mother introduced. "The one that looks like me is Sarafina, your grandmother, and the rusty lioness is Sarabi, your other grandmother." Mother finished. Mother, Father, Sarafina, Sarabi. Got it. I memorized. "You will be the next king." Father told me. I squealed in joy. I will be like you! I thought. Nothing will stop me! Not even the bad lions!


Tell me what you think.

Next chapter will focus on Vitani!!

(Chapters will be longer.)

[KiarasMate]

Well, it's definitely a unique approach to telling a story, I'll give you that much for sure thelionpride556. ^^ I've only come across a few Fan Fics that use the first person narrative style and I know it can be a bit difficult to pull off but I think your story has the potential to do exactly that. It's still a bit early to say much more than this, but you've sparked my interest so I'll be sure to keep an eye on this one as you update it. ^^ Keep up the awesome work my friend.

[thelionpride556]

Thanks you, KM!

[Dutch]

I'm intrigued, so I can't wait for the next part(s).

But you might want to edit a few things in this I noticed(sorry if I sound anal):

Change Sarafina to "godmother"
This sentence needs to be changed to make it clear who is who "I opened his eyes to see a rusty-brownish lioness staring at me"

Otherwise I liked it; especially how it's in first-person.

[thelionpride556]

[quote="Dutch"]I'm intrigued, so I can't wait for the next part(s).

But you might want to edit a few things in this I noticed(sorry if I sound anal):

Change Sarafina to "godmother"
This sentence needs to be changed to make it clear who is who "I opened his eyes to see a rusty-brownish lioness staring at me"

Otherwise I liked it; especially how it's in first-person.[/quote]

Oh, I'll change that one sentence. XD
Every author makes mistakes.

[YFWE]

Agree with Dutch, if you're gonna write in first person, definitely be sure everything agrees with each other. But I definitely do like what you're doing here... writing stuff from first person is a pretty cool thing when your readers end up reading it. I'd also recommend more than just one big paragraph if you can do that... it makes your story a lot easier to read. But if you don't want to do that, that's quite okay, I think we'll all manage! I assume that Vitani will come in next chapter... I'm interested to see how she'll fit into all this. Keep it up, this is a nice start. :]

[Ushujaa]

Wow, that was a good read, i really liked the first person type of writing, it's hard to pull off but i agree you definitly could do it!

[Arani]

Good job! Keep posting the story plz!