Burying the Past [PRIVATE: AC & The Whistlerify]

[TheWhistlerify]

Dakari wasn't sure whether he just heard Kijamii say what he thought he heard her say. "Fighting? Over me? Pfft, I wish." he said with a fake smile. "I mean, not that I wont anybody to get hurt or anything! But, you know... It would've been nice." Whether she meant to give him a hint or anything he couldn't tell, but he was pretty pleased right at the moment in his rather warm position.

His smile faded when Kijamii asked about his past. He expected the question to pop up soooner or later, but it was slightly harder when she actually asked it. "You could say I had it pretty rough when I was little." he said, looking at her. He did move on long ago, but whenever he thought of it he couldn't ask by ask himself why.

"My parents left the pride... and me, when I was little. Soon after that I became the cub who wasn't wanted by his parents, and I guess that's why I didn't really fit in with the other cubs." He described the story in short, which was easier comparing to going into details.

-----

Lina tried to think of a game that they could both play for a while, but she never really played anything else besides hide and seek, or wrestling with Juhudi. "I don't know." she said, still staring into Tanga's eyes with a blank expression. "Maybe we can make up something ourselves?"

[AustralianChaos]

Kijamii giggled once more as Dakari sounded shocked at her declaration that she thought girls would be falling over themselves over him...his reaction was so typical, and sounded a lot like the way Tanga might have reacted on one of his better days. "Don't put yourself down," she said gently. "You'd be surprised."

Then she noticed his smile fade at her question about his past, and after stalling for a brief moment, explained how he had been abandoned by his parents when he was little, causing her jaw to drop. As he explained that he had never fit in with the other cubs, she was hit by crushing sadness and sympathy. She thought losing her parents had been rough, but she knew that at least she still had the knowledge that they still loved her. Dakari didn't even have that. "I'm sorry, Dakari," she said softly, raising her head and nuzzling his mane softly, hoping to comfort him a little. "I can't even begin to imagine what that's like...how can your parents not want you? That's just horrible!"

----------

Tanga thought about this for a moment, searching through his memories in an attempt to find a game he could play with Lina, trying to remember what games he played with Kijamii...and even the few his parents had humoured him with.

But that turned into a bad idea, as memories of his parents took over, washing over him, leaving a huge, gaping hole in his heart. But now that he had dug up the memories, they would not stop, and Tanga's face was soon twisted with misery, tears springing to his eyes. "No..." he whispered, jamming his eyes shut, which only had the effect of increasing the vividness of the memories. "No...no! Stop! Just leave me alone!" he begged loudly, completely forgetting Lina's presence.

Eventually the flood of memories became too much, and as the first tear slipped from his eyes, he turned and ran, sprinting out of the cave for the first time since they had arrived, trying in vain to run from his pain and grief. "I can't take this!" he wailed, collapsing into the grass after a short run, barely containing his grief. "Just leave me alone..." he pleaded, before looking up at the sky, his face now holding anger as well as grief. "Why?! Why do you do this to me?! I thought you loved me!"

[TheWhistlerify]

Dakari couldn't help but let out a heavy sigh. He was doing his best at hiding those emotions all the time, but there were a few moments in which he couldn't bring them under control. But when Kijamii nuzzled his mane slightly, he suddenly lost all interest in grieving about his hard times. He instead lay still, and just stared into Kijamii's understanding eyes. Unlike most times when he burst into tears at the thoughts of his parents, this time he felt like he was under control. He felt like he was being crazy, but he leaned towards Kijamii and nuzzled her back, it just felt right. "I don't know." he said, pulling away and smiling a genuine smile at her, "But thanks."

-------

Marini was still listening outside when all of a sudden she heard Tanga yell, and before she could react he went sprinting out of the cave. "What the?" for a moment she was worried about the cub's well being, but when she saw that Lina was un-harmed, Marini decided to follow Tanga and see what this was all about.

She managed to find him by the time that he was yelling to himself, which only left her even more confused than a moment ago. Something was wrong with him, and now she was sure about it. She walked to his sidebut remaining on her feet however. "Dude what's that all about?" she asked, giving him a few moments to realise that she pretty much heard all his yelling. "Do you want to maybe tell me what's going on?" She knew from her own experience that telling things out could help you feel better, even if it seemed like a stupid thing to do.

[AustralianChaos]

Kijamii smiled back, glad that he seemed to be dealing with things fairly well, despite the obvious pain he must be feeling. "It's no problem at all," she said, purring lightly from the after-effects of his nuzzle. Before she could do anything to control her voice, she spoke up again. "Friends take care of each other, right?" She probably would have said it, even if she had been aware of what she was going to say, but maybe phrased it with a bit more subtlety...but that had never been her strong suit, regardless.

At that point, she shuffled away from Dakari, and stood up, stretching luxuriously, sighing in contentment. "And thank you, Dakari...I feel much warmer now," she said, happily sitting in front of him, her trembling from before now completely non-existant...she was not quite as warm as she had been before slipping into the water, but at least now she did not feel like she was freezing to death.

----------

Tanga gave a rather loud yelp, jumping to his feet and back off as Marini spoke next to him, completely startling him. Once he realised who it was, however, he turned away, fighting to keep the last traces of emotional control in place. As she asked if he wanted to talk, Tanga fought desperately to keep the anger flaring up in check...he did not want to repeat his argument with his sister.

"I...I can't..." he said, his voice shaky, but lacking any emotion. "I..." he finally turned, and made to walk off, even though he continued to speak. "Just...leave me alone, Marini...you couldn't possibly understand what I have to live with..." If Tanga had, at that moment, known about Marini's own troubled past, he would probably have never said those words, but it was too late now.

[TheWhistlerify]

Dakari smiled at Kijamii again, "Yeah, I guess so." he said, taking the word 'friends' in with a slight hint of appreciation. You could say that Kijamii was the first friend he ever had. Of course there was Marini and some cubs, but it was nice to finally have a friend of his own age. Whether that would ever go far beyond a normal friendship, Dakari didn't really care. He was glad to have a friend like her, and that was enough for him at the moment.

When she pulled away, Dakari also sat up, though he wished that they could have remained cuddled up like that for even a little longer. He smiled at her, "Sure, anytime." he said before shaking off the small traces of water after being cuddled up to the wet Kijamii. He turned around and drank some more water. He was the type who really enjoyed drinking water, and he always had Lina who asked him how he was able to drink that much without throwing-up.

----

Marini raised an eyebrow at what Tanga said. She wasn't easy to anger, and she wasn't becoming mad because Tanga didn't even have a clue of what she'd been through. "Oh, so that's what you think?" she asked, walking over to him. "You don't know me, how can you know? Besides you'd feel better if you talk. Whether I understand or not." She knew she would probably understand how he felt, since the worst tragedy she could think of was losing a familly member. And since she lost one in such a terrible way, she would probably be able to understand.

[AustralianChaos]

Kijamii, nodded, still smiling, at Dakari, watching him as he went to drink, before going over for a drink herself, being a little more careful this time around as she knelt down by the river's edge, slowly lapping up the cold water, which did a remarkable job of revitalising her, leaving her refreshed, energetic, and ready for the next adventure.

Once she'd drank her fill, she stood back up, prancing lightly away from the water, back in the direction of the tunnel leading outside again. "Well, thank you for showing me this, but I'd probably better head back and see how Tanga's holding up...he's my brother after all." She took a few steps into the tunnel itself, before stopping and turning back. "Say, why don't you come along and meet him? Maybe you could help cheer him up a little bit...and Tanga's a fun lion when he's in a good mood, I'm sure you two could be friends as well."

----------

Tanga was fast getting irritated at the way Marini seemed insistent on prying into his personal life, and it was starting to show, although the watering eyes said he was just as upset as he was angry. "Oh, so you understand what it's like to have everything you love taken away?" he snapped, glaring at her. "You understand how helpless I felt, watching as I lost everything?" his voice was rising, fast, and he actually advanced on Marini, the spark that Kijamii feared to see in his eyes flaring to life, making his blue orbs appear to crackle with lightning. "You...just...can't..." he sputtered incoherently for a few moments, for his anger almost completely gave way. "YOU THINK YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE YOU WATCH YOUR PARENTS DIE?!?!" he literally screamed at her.

As it dawned on him exactly what he had said, and that he had revealed his dark secret to someone, actually spoken the words aloud, all traces of his anger vanished. The spark in his eyes died in an instantly, replaced with a flood of tears. Every part of his body shook horribly, and the first, strangled sob escaped his muzzle, the start of what Tanga knew was now in inevitable crying episode...right in front of Marini.

But the floodgates were now open, and Tanga's muzzle acted all on it's own, speaking the words he had kept buried for so long in between sobs, as the tears flowed, staining his cheek fur. "He...he killed them...mum and dad...he killed them both...and I...I did nothing...just watched...and...I-I...I c-can't...I w-want them b-b-back...i-it's too m-much..."

After that small plea, Tanga broke down completely, collapsing onto his belly in the grass, sobbing hysterically. Two weeks worth of pent-up sorrow and grief unloading all at once, overwhelming the adolescent. "I j-just want t-them back...it h-hurts s-so much...w-why won't it s-stop?" he begged, although he never looked at Marini during this, part of him wondering if she was still there, or whether his sudden mood swings had scared her off.

[TheWhistlerify]

Dakari looked at Kijamii when she began to get out of the cave, before quickly coming back to his senses. "Sure, I'd love that." he said and hurried to catch up with her. "I can try to cheer him up, if you really want to. But I know he'll move on eventually, everybody does." he added reassuringly

-------

Marini tried to keep her nerves under control when Tanga became angry. Oh, so you understand what it's like to have everything you love taken away? She raised an eyebrow. "Yes." she said simply, but he didn't seem to listen. You understand how helpless I felt, watching as I lost everything? "Yes." again, he didn't seem to pay any attention. YOU THINK YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE YOU WATCH YOUR PARENTS DIE?!?! She felt like she was going to snap at him if he didn't catch on again. "Yes!"

Of course, he didn't seem to notice. She stayed where she was, untill he was finally done with his sobbing. "Are you done? Because my answer is yes." she waited to make sure that he did notice her this time. She didn't want to snap at him like she did at others when they mentioned or asked anything about her mother. "Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about." She'd been through this a few times, so not collapsing down like Tanga did wasn't that hard for her.

[AustralianChaos]

Kijamii smiled at Dakari's enthusiasm, but it faded with his mention that Tanga would move on. "I hope so...he's taken the loss far worse than I had expected of him...even if he moves on, I'm worried that he'll be changed." Her head hung as they wander through the tunnel, eventually coming back out into the sunlight. "I just...I miss the 'old' Tanga...the one that was almost always up for another game, even if he was dead-tired, and I was still running circles around him. But I fear that side of Tanga could be gone...forever."

----------

As Tanga sobbed, he became aware of Marini speaking to him, telling him of how she understood. But her flat, even tone did little to convince him. "Then how are you so calm?" he demanded, his voice choked, as he looked up at her, not really caring that he must look rather frightening. "Maybe you understand the loss, but if you're that calm, you can't possibly understand what it's like to have their memories haunting you every single second of every single day, never leaving you alone, always reminding you of what happened...and how I failed them..."

Those last words proved way too much for Tanga's already-fractured emotional stated, and he turned away from Marini, curling himself up into a tight ball, his whole body heaving now and the sobs became more violent, now completely weeping. "I just..." he cried, his voice muffled by his own fur. "I just want it to stop...I want the pain to go away...I thought they loved me...but they won't leave me alone any more, even when they're...they're gone..."

[TheWhistlerify]

Dakari looked at Kijamii as she spoke. He may not have a sibling as far as he knew, but it wasn't hard to tell that Kijamii was really concerned for her brother's wellbeing. Sure, siblings aren't a parent, but they're as important as anyone else in your familly. "If that's how you really feel, why don't you tell him that?" Dakari suggested, "Maybe if he realises this he'll have an easier time in putting it all behind?"

----

As Tanga mentioned that he thought his parents didn't love him anymore (Or so she's gathered) Marini frowned. She walked over to him, and against her own bad feelings lay down by his side. "Don't ever say that. I'm sure your parents love you. she said as reassuringly as she could. "They're not haunting you. I don't think they can do that, actually. You're seeing all you're seeing because you keep blaming yourself for something you probably couldn't prevent. Whoever that jerk was, I'm sure that you couldn't have done anything if he was old enough to do what he had done."

She hoped she was helping, since she couldn't really htink of anything else she could do if that didn't work. "You have to put it behind you. Don't you think your parents would have wanted that? You and your sister are probably what they cared about the most, and you have to let it go. Whatever is done cannot be changed, and no matter ho bad you're feeling right now, your parents will always be with you." she then placed one of her paws on his chest, "Right here."

[AustralianChaos]

Kijamii sighed as Dakari suggested that she tell him all this. "Believe me, Dakari, I've tried..." she said sadly. "But if I so much as even mention our parents, he tries to change the subject, and if I press the matter, and try to make him talk, he gets angry...we had a bit of a fight just before I met you, actually."

She looked back up at Dakari. "I guess I can always try again, but in all honesty, I think he needs someone outside the family...a friend he can go to, someone he can trust with anything," she said, completely unaware that Marini was systematically tearing down Tanga's defences, and finally making him open up.

----------

As Marini spoke, Tanga managed to calm down enough to listen, and as the words started penetrating his upset mind, he at least gave the lioness the respect of trying to put those words into context. And as he did, he realised that she was making sense...it was not his parents haunting him...it was his own mind playing tricks on him, refusing to let the issue fade away from his conscious mind until he had emotionally dealt with it, and let all the grief and sorrow.

Tanga slowly nodded as Marini kept going, finally seeing things in a new light, now only holding back to grief so he could let Marini finish. But when she put a paw on his chest, telling him his parents would always be in his heart, forever, it was once more too much, and he collapsed back into another sobbing fit, unconsciously using Marini as a source of comfort. His shyness was the only thing stopping him from hugging her for dear life, but he did lean against her, turning his head away though, as he finally let out the repressed emotions, weeks worth of unshed tears and bottled-up emotionals finally coming out all at once, as the adolescent finally just cried it all out...cried for the parents he had lost, for the lives so harshly taken away, along with the last traces of his cubhood innocence, and for the responsibilities his sister had shouldered, taking care of him in her place.

After quite some time, he was finally done. Sniffling lightly, he ran a paw over his eyes and nose to clear them, looking back at Marini, before quickly moving away from her when he realised how close he was. "I...uhh..." he stammered, his voice still shaky, but rapidly regaining strength. "I'm sorry about that...I don't why I came to you like that. But, uhh...thank you. I'm sorry I yelled at you before...I really needed that."