[PRIVATE] A Rogue's Light

[AustralianChaos]

Tanga looked back at Imani, trying to figure out why she was so quiet on this matter, despite the fact that the conversation was focusing on a plan to rescue her sister.

When he saw her sitting there, bunched up as much as possible, with her head bowed, he knew something was wrong. If Imani loved her sister as much as her actions suggested, then why was she so reluctant to join in their plans of a rescue? She seemd to be distancing herself from the conversation at hand, almost as if she did not want to be there with them.

But he could not tell for sure, and he did not to embarrass her...or make himself look like a complete fool...without being certain of what Imani was struggling with. "Imani..." he said gently, trying to get her attention without scaring her. "...this is your sister we're talking about. What do you want to do?" He felt so self-conscious, trying to comfort someone who was almost a complete stranger...but this situation was not going to resolve itself any time soon...and without her input, there was not much the rest of them could do except sit back and discuss theories. Ra was Imani's sister, and therefore it was her choice as to whether their plans were worth the risks or not.

[oXButterflyKissesXo]

The youngest sister pulled her head up for her eyes to peer into the blue ones of the lion to questioned her. She kept her head bowed, and only used her pupils to show that he had her attention and she was listening to him. When he ended his statement, she looked from him to the others and then back down at the ground. She was so nervous! She didn't even know how to deal with being in front of one lion, and now she had to be in front of three?! Not a good prize for the lioness.

Though she knew she was going to have to put in her side of the story some time soon, she wanted to avoid it as much as possible with Nemu around...she still didn't feel very safe around him. He just gave off the weirdest vibe that didn't rub her right. Like he was there not because he wanted to, but because he had to for the purpose of getting information so that the lions and her would fail in their plan to get Ra back. Her eyes held the faintest form of suspicion as she drew her eyes to Nemu and then back at Tanga. It was her time to speak she decided, "I don't know..."

That didn't sound good..., "I mean, well," she rose her head up with her eyes still shy and her hears still pounding on her chest as she spoke, "that guy has brief moments of compassion, and we never know when they will be...". Those moment that Imani spoke of were the exact thing she feared for for her sister and her safety while she was in the paws of Mufalfa. The violet hues of the lioness peered down once more and started batting at the grass in front of her once more, "and sister didn't even seem to want me to come back for her". She spoke sadly, her ears laying back to her head now and her body posture becoming more crunched together, like she was ashamed to admit that she was even taking part in his great plan, and have to be one of the lions to help out. She wasn't normally part of things like this with others, so the fact that she was being asked on her opinion for the 'mission' was a foreign concept to her indeed.

[AustralianChaos]

Tanga's sense of awkwardness continued to climb as he watched Imani battle with what appeared to be several different options and opinions. He did not know what he could say to her to help her out...but he did know that, despite not knowing her for long, that Ra had gotten one thing right, at least partially. He did find himself caring about Imani. And this turmoil she found herself in was bringing up way too many old memories for Tanga to think straight.

His parents...he had lost his parents, what seemed like so long ago, yet the pain of that loss still hurt as if it had happened only yesterday, and he could tell that Imani was going through a similar - if not worse - pain to his. Her love for her sister must be screaming at her to go back, and yet Ra's desperate pleas for her to run would still be ringing in her ears, just as her pleas to him were ringing in his...

"I..." Tanga hesitated. Could he...should he tell her? How would she react? in the end, Tanga decided it did not matter...Imani's was obviously frightened and nervous, and she needed to know the full truth as to why he was with her, why he had not just run off and gone his own way, like a selfish part of him still wanted to. He sighed, before looking at Imani's downturned face, hoping that at some point she would look up, so that she could see the honesty he was trying to show her. "Imani...your...your sister, she...I don't know why, but she asked me to look after you, in...in her place." He felt so stupid telling her this. How could it possibly make her feel any better about what had happened. "I...I understand that you can look after yourself, but she made me promise. And I...I don't break promises lightly."

He forced himself to continue speaking, despite his desire to simply run from his feeling of humiliation growing with each syllable. "Look, you've got a choice here, a choice I...well, one I never got when I lost those close to me." His troubled mind still insisted on avoiding that subject at all costs. It was too personal, too painful to bring up. He knew that it was tearing him apart the longer he bottled it up, but he just could not bring himself to say the words...to confirm it once and for all. "I know you want to help Ra, and I know you also want to do what she would have wanted. Just..." How could he say this, without sounding like he was attempting to sway her opinion one way or the other? He did not know what he wanted her to do himself, anyway. "...just do what you think you should...but please try to understand that I made a promise to your sister."

He still felt completely stupid revealing his promise to her. How could she possibly take that well? She was probably going to end up thinking he was only staying with her because of the promise, not because he wanted to hang around. All Tanga could do was his usual response to almost any situation involving another lion...sit back, and submissively wait for their reaction.

[oXButterflyKissesXo]

Imani looked at Tanga and watched his own battle with himself over something. The look in his eyes, and how clouded they were showed her that there was something he was trying not to think about when he was talking to her about this issue they were facing. When he spoke though, he was soft and he was truthful. It was something she craved at a time like this so she was happy to have him with her, whether or not he was doing it because of her older sister or not. Her ears layed back on her head still, but she gave him a light smile with her cub face, "thank you" she said a little above a whisper.

Once he started talking seriously though, her eyes went back to being frightful and the smile faded, reverting her back to the scared cub she was at heart. His words probably confused her more than she already was. If she went back, there would probably be something she didn't want to find at all and she would have to deal with Mulfalfa and his mood swings that probably scared her more than anything right now. And if she didn't go back, her sister could be worse than dead...or something really bad could happen. Either way, there was something she had to stay away from like her sister had told her to. But there was so much more to go back for, but thanks to her lack of confidence, she reverted back to her position of trying to hide as much as she could of herself.

[AustralianChaos]

'Oh, Kings above, how did I get myself into this?' Tanga asked silently as he tried to get his head around Imani's actions...and his own thoughts. If there was one thing that completely sealed his nervous insistance on following his promise to Ra, it was the look Imani had given him as she whispered her thanks to him. Her face, with the downturned ears and the light smile, looked so much like that of a young cub that Tanga could not help but be reminded of his brief stint in the Pridelands - which seemed to be all-but-over now.

During that stay, he had seriously struggled to fit in...but the one group that had accepted him were the group of cubs in the pride. He could not help but be completely fascinated by their bubbling energy and joyful, innocent outlook on life. It reminded him of how he had lost close to everything in his life, and he enjoyed seeing the cubs so happy when he messed with them...it gave him the feeling that, in keeping these cubs' youthful innocence alive, that he was doing something good...something he realised he sorely missed.

Tanga forced himself - reluctantly - to pull himself from his flashback. His solitary life had made him exceptionally sentimental...now that he with company, he was going to have to learn to control that. But the memory still lingered on the edge of his consciousness as he looked at Imani, realising that the cubish face she had presented to him for a brief moment was not just a result of her looks. The look had even reached her eyes, telling Tanga that, underneath her quiet, shy surface, there was a young cub inside her.

Tanga was forced to restrain a sudden desire to see that cub inside of Imani...there were, unfortunately, much more important things at hand, here. He struggled to keep himself from panicking slightly when Imani withdrew straight back into her shell once he had finished speaking. Too much time had passed already. "Imani, please, help me," he pleaded with her. "Please don't make me decide what to do, here. The last time I decided what other people should do, I ended up..." Tanga actually physically recoiled when he realised just how close he had come to revealing his deepest, darkest secret...one that would alienate any companion he ever gained from him...and one that was the reason why he had to bottle up his sorrow over the loss of his parents. No-one could ever, ever know.

"...I ended up hurting the others involved," he finished shakily, knowing how obvious his avoidance of the subject was. All he could was pray that no-one brought it up. "I don't want to do that...but if we don't do something soon..." once again, he left his sentence hanging unfinished. there was simply no need to finish it, the consequences of any further stalling was obvious.

In the end, his pleas to Imani had to effect of finally breaking what little social resolve he had left. He had spoken more in the past few minutes that he had in the year before that, and so many memories he had spent a lot of time and effort in suppressing were returning to the surface. He retreated inside himself, wallowing in his memories, and his misery. Now that the wounds of his past had been opened, there was stopping the tidal wave rolling from them. He could feel tears forming, but fought to hold them back as he tried to regain control of his emotions, along with his mind.

[oXButterflyKissesXo]

The young adult lioness, though she knew he was making sure to let her know that he wanted to get Ra back to her, was still unsure of how she should act with the three lions. She knew if she and Tanga were alone, that she would have been able to express more and say what she wanted to say without the fear of sounding stupid or silly to the others. Or in Nemu's case, revealing too much for the worst.

"I..." she started but she lost the words. Eyes were on her, and they were waiting for her to speak. The pressure was building for the young woman as she felt her world spinning out of control with anxiety just by looking at these people she didn't know. She usually had Ra to hide behind, but this time she wasn't here and she was left defenseless. Before she could think, she got to her paws and darted away from them all. All she needed was some time alone, but she had a feeling she wasn't going to get it with the males all there and watching and waiting on her.

Once she had run far enough away, she slowed her pace and walked a little further than where she had cued her legs to stop pumping as hard as they were when she was cantering away. Once she was calmer, she sat down and looked up at the fading night sky, blues and pinks with tints of orange mingling with each other color while the stars were twinkling down to greet her eyes. Imani smiled at the sight, always loving the stars. Maybe she would find guidance from them. The creamy lioness looked to both her side and then drew in a breath, closing her eyes, "please, please, please..." she whispered.

Imani opened her eyes to see nothing had changed. The sigh she had held for a little was released and she let her head droop to greet the ground.

[AustralianChaos]

In the moment before Imani ran, Tanga almost saw it coming. He heard her one, shaky word, and saw the fear and indecision, and knew what was happening...because it was happening to him as well. Her mind was going into overload, and she was panicking.

And then she took off. Tanga watched her go, indecision plaguing him. His first instinct had been to chase her like he had before, but the look on her face before she had run made him hesitated. She want -no, he corrected himself, needed - some space, some time to figure out what was going on. But his promise to Ra still resounded in his head. What would she say now, when Imani did not want any company, much less his own?

But he could not find that answer. He did not know Ra...this was one decision he was going to have to make himself. And he hated that. If he followed her, she was almost certain to get really angry or upset with him, something he found that he did not want...at all. But if he stayed with the others, he would be breaking his promise to Ra...something he had silently vowed to himself multiple times that he would not do.

Rubbing his paw roughly through his mane in irritated frustration, the decision came quickly to him nevertheless. He turned to Auni and Neru and, with his ability to talk to others once more lost to him, just gve them an apologetic look, hoping they translated it correctly; 'sorry, guys...but I have to'. And with that, he turned and followed Imani, keeping his distance so as to give her the space she needed. "Forgive me," he whispered softly in her direction, far too quietly for anyone but himself to hear. "But your sister gave me no choice."

When Imani finally slowed to a stop, Tanga continued to keep his distance, moving slowly and silently, before finding a small raised area that hid him well enough to keep her from spotting him in the early nighttime gloom, but gave him the ability to see her as well. It tore his already frayed emotions to see the young lioness so lost and troubled...but until she was ready to face others once more, he had to keep his distance.

He watched as Imani looked up at the stars, before looking up at the countless sparkling entities high above them himself. But unlike Imani, he recieved little comfort from them. He remembered all the stories he had been told, about how the Great Kings of the past looked down on them from those stars, watching over them. As he memories of his past surfaced once again, he found himself unable to hold in his emotions any longer. His past was haunting him.

"Please," he pleaded, his soft coice choking as the long-restrained tears began to break free. "Please just...I'm sorry, mum...dad. I'm sorry for everything!"

But the soft pleas, along with the tears, were not helping in any way, and as he settled himself down for what he knew was going to be a long, depressing night, he did something he had done several times before when his past surfaced...something his mother had done for him when he was troubled as a cub...

"Why, oh why, my Kings above,
Have you abandoned me,
In my humility?
Behind, the old facade,
I'm your bewildered child..."

Initially, his voice was soft and wracked with pain as he sang the tune his mother had once taught him long ago...one of many she had been able to pass on to him in the short time they had together. But after a while, he lost himself to the sad mood of the song, which mirrored his current feelings of lonliness and abandonment, and, without realising it, poured his very heart and soul into the words as he lamented the loss of his parents, and his feelings of complete hopelessness, as the tears broke free fully, running unnoticed down his cheeks as he finally found a small way to vent his emotions...even if it reminded him of what he had done at the same time.

[oXButterflyKissesXo]

She hadn't noticed Tanga behind her as she just continued to calm herself under the bright lights up in the sky. The lionesses eyes were lit up when they shone down on her and her hopeful eyes, and yet they still held hopelessness for they were still thinking about Ra and how she was in trouble. Who knew what the lion was doing to her back in his den, and who knew what she was feeling in there with him.

Almost instantly, her eyes darted over to something moving in the grass. A tiny bug was crawling around and hoping from each blade of grass to the next. How simple she could have been described as when she was finding herself crouching down with her tail high up before she started chasing the insect. Her cub nature was starting to kick in when she was starting to let out little giggles as she missed and kept going after it. Ra and her used to do this all the time when they were kids, and it never got old. The big cat finally caught it but let out a shriek as she thought she squished it. Once she opened her paws, it hopped onto her nose and looked at her and her eyes went crossed to see the little big on her pink nose.

Imani looked at it before she giggled childishly, and let it hop away before she started rolling around in the grass. She was feeling a little better about being away from her situation with Ra and she wished to have her sister back with her as soon as she could be. The lioness felt a little foolish for being able to have her own little mood swing like Mulalfa could, but hers was at least a little more...sane.

[AustralianChaos]

It was only as Tanga finished his song, and once more became aware of the world around him, that he heard Imani's distant giggles. He slowly looked up, his head feeling heavy from his weariness...he had just spent his emotions for the first time in months, and was feeling its effects. He was initially confused when he saw the lioness rolling in the grass, seemingly without a care in the world. Why was she playing around, with the turmoil she must being going through regarding her sister?

It took several moments to figure it out, but Tanga finally realised what Imani was doing; she was venting her own emotions, just in a different way to Tanga. While Tanga's brooding, sentimental nature made him use his voice as his main outlet, Imani it seemed, preferred actions over words when she needed an emotional release.

The thought made Tanga slightly jealous. Her antics were reminding him of the cubs he had played with briefly in the Pridelands, the only part of his life that had pure, untarnished happy memories. He wanted to join her, but now that he had distanced himself from her, he was reluctant to approach her again. She had wanted her space...how would she react if he were to approach her now? She might look happy, but Tanga was not willing to risk the little...friendship, was it?...he had with her over his own insignificant desire for some return to an innocence he had lost way too early in his life. No, he finally thought, better to let her have her fun alone, than try and impose myself and risk what little I have with her.

His decision made, Tanga stretched, yawning expansively as he placed his head on his paws, the faintest traces of a smile playing at the corners of his lips as he watched Imani's impression of a cub at play. He might have had precious little to smile about, but the smile was not for him, he realised...it was for her, and the way she had retained some innocence despite everything that had happened today. In that moment, he wished that he could be like her...somehow finding a way to maintain a carefree spirit despite the troubles she faced.

[Skittakallista]

Auni glanced at Neru. He looked astounded at the events that had just passsed. Auni was too, slightly. They had happened so fast...

"Exuse me, Neru. I must check on my friends." He spoke after a quick deiberation in his mind. They might be upset and he couldn't bear it if they were. He already felt a bond with both of them, as if the days past events had brought them all closer together. After weeks of lonlyness, he had found a sort of famliy in them. He did not want them to suffer one little bit. Not if I can help it! He thought, running through the long grass.

He heard giggling. Imani, /he thought, moving towards the sound of her giggles. He saw her, batting a small insect. He was worried now. Maybe she's finally cracked under the weight of the situation, he thought, watching. Or maybe this is just her way of dealing with things. He saw a movement to his left. Tanga. He was also watching Imani with a sort of hunger. Ah, he thought. I know that look...

He went towards him. "Tanga." He whispered. Tanga whipped around, saw it was him then glanced back at Imani. She hadn't seemed to notice them, so wrapped up in her game. Auni sat down next to him and they watched her in silence for a few minutes. Then he broke it. "She reminds me of my sister, playing like that. She was so full of life. She taught me how to play, how to be happy. Even though my brother would use me as a punch bag and my father was never there, she kept on being bright and happy. She was mute, you know. So full of life but she could never speak."