[quote="ScaЯ"]My best friend is now ignoring me for some unexplained reason, and It's tearing me apart. Also, I had a traumatic flashback the other night of my early childhood, when my mom was still around.
I won't go into details, but let's just say someone physically assaulted me the same way my mom did. I was scared out of my mind because I thought I'd never have to go through that again. I forgave the person who hurt me because they obviously didn't mean it.
Even with the apology, I've been having nightmares lately, and have been crying day in and day out.
My bipolar is acting up, too, and I think I'm becoming depressed. I probably won't be online as much, but it's people like you who I'm relying on....the only friends I have left.I'm in one of my angry/depressed moods. As many of you know, my mother came back for the first time in four years, and I thought that went alright. WRONG Now my family is more widely spread than ever. (as in no one wants to see the woman and her daughter that betrayed this family) My dad is afraid to call me, my cousins are basically in shock, and my grandma and I are arguing more then ever about stuff like..."Don't talk about your aunt to your mom"....and so on. In fact, I heard a pretty pathetic sob story from my grandma last night. Well apparently my aunt was my grandma's blood daughter, but she gave her up for adoption to her cousin. Then, six years later she adopted my mom, whom she raised, and then after my cousin was born, my grandma decides to tell my aunt that she's her blood child. So apparently I'm suppose to be her little pathetic "daughter she never had".
So this comes to the topic of this member announcement "Just how evil am I?" I name the topic this because just a few minuets ago, my grandma came in and begged me for forgiveness, and asked for a hug about five times. I didn't even feel sorry for her. She was almost in tears when she left. I think this is because I don't trust her anymore.[/quote]
I'm sorry guys. I'm not the same happy-go-lucky lion I was when I joined this forum. I now realize all this past crap is caused by the fact that I can't maintain my life as well as any normal person, because, well, I'm not. My Bipolar is kicking itself up to where my anger is consuming me. I can't take it anymore. I'm almost to the point where the only way out is to just end this pathetic thing called life.
I'm think I will go see a therapist. If that doesn't work, I don't know where else to go.
