reaching out for help.... the big step.

[thanigraphics]

thank god there's internet, where you can stay anonymous when telling your personal stuff.
today I nearly collapsed.. again. It's not the first time, and definitely not the first year. I have a depression, and a nasty one this time. It runs in the family, but for years I was saying "It's just a little dip now and then, I'm fine" because I couldn't think of beeing seen as mentally ill or something. I have a nice education, a lovely house and the job of my dreams! The sweetest boyfriend I can imagine. And still I feel like crying, sleeping a lot and I'm becoming more and more insecure about myself.
Today I took the big step, tomorrow morning I have the appointment with the doctor.
I'm really afraid, I know they're there to help me, but I want to stand on my own two feet, I feel so incapable and failing right now....
I just wanted to share this with you, I hope you don't think I'm a mentally ill retard or something, I just had to get it off my chest.....

[KingKivuli]

people often has times in their life even if they are at their greatest moment, you brain will still eat away at you memories subconsciously resulting in the bad depressive feelings. my life is great now, btu i have days when i just want to break down into tears only reason for that woulg be my past as it wasnt a nice one. i dont think ur mentally ill, i think theres jsut something at the back of you mind eating away and sadly its causing this. one thing i do know is we are here for you ready to support you if you need it. well i know i am lol

[MusicLion101]

I have a similar problem. I can control it much better than I used to, but sometimes it still gets me.

I wish you the best of luck *hug*

[thanigraphics]

aww thank you guys, I really appreciate your support, I will need it.
Today I spoke some friends on the telephone and they were all so nice to me too, it gives me a lot of strenght.
Tommorrow I'll write here what the doctor has said! Now I really have to get some rest

[SnowyCheetah]

*hugs* good luck! I'm sure you'll be just fine

[Mike]

First of all, congrats on reaching out! It's much better that way than drowning in despair all alone I know it can be tough to reach out and admit you need help in that way, I can relate, but I'm sure that the results will be awesome!

[CommandoTheLion]

hmmm same to me =/ i cannot get though things sometimes even if i try so hard but i still fail and plus i always in depression =/ i tryed to kill myself 8 times and almost died in all of them but yeah i manage to survive it all and i have a huge problem with Stress and Depression most of the things in my life has gone terribly wrong. My friends have backstabbed me so i got no support from them, ive been in trouble with the police heaps of times and heaps more. But you need to hang in there no matter what the problem is good or bad.

[RayCat]

I hope you'll be okay Thanigraphics, I think you will be
And yeah, it's a lot better to talk about things than keep it all to yourself, because then the 'grudge', if that's the right word, keeps growing. Don't worry, you'll have so much support here on MLK!

[thanigraphics]

thanx again for the sweet reactions here, it gives me some strenght I must say!
I just came back from the doctor and told him that this is not the first year I have this problem and about the struggles I have (troubles with sleeping, insecure feeling, negative thoughts, loss of energy, not eating well, unstoppable crying etc.) and he advised me light therapy.
I hope it will work, today I have to make some phonecalls..

CTL, maybe you should look for some help, too, your problems are way heavier than what I have, I don't know how the situation in Australia is, but I think counseling is possible there too.. It might be a big step, but it can only go up from that moment on. And if they cannot help you, you tried in the end. Good luck with it anyways, and thanks for the nice support!

[RayCat]

Well it's great that you finally got some advice from a doctor, but what's light therapy?