Today it just hurts, not as much as it did when I was at her funeral.. but pretty bad. It's been three months now without her. Is it cruel of me to say that I haven't thought about her for a long time? I know she would want me to be happy, but here I am.. weeping over her. Boy, I am pathetic. Crying over her death which was three months ago. I thought the grieving was gone and I found closure. Apparently not..
I .. I just want my grandmother back. I wish that day when she told me she was giving up the fight with cancer, that I would of begged her and forbid her.. told her to go back on her IV treatments and not play stupid like I did that day. That phone conversation was the last time I heard her say that she loves me, and I wasn't too sure of it because of the tremendous amount of pain and weakness in her voice. But now, she is in the stars. Somewhere so far away where I can't ever bring her back.. why God, why can't I see her again? I don't understand your ways, they are way too hard for me to understand..
