Married or Not?

[FlipMode]

So I think there is something in humans where they aren't designed to stick with one person, however it can work because the idea of marriage has been around a long time.

The idea that the Earth was flat was also around for a long time. Alas, time changes things, including our feelings towards people or events in our lives.
"'Till death do us part"... What a thing to say to someone. Think about it, the UK life expectancy is 81 years old right now and getting bigger as science and medicine improves. That means if you get married before 40... You might not even be half way through your life span yet and you truly believe you can stay in love with one person in one happy relationship for that long? We tend to act on emotion and feeling, what we say really only applies to the moment it was said.
It's something to think about before popping the question that's for sure.
I'm not against marriage and I definitely want kids but marriage is just a "Eh, take it or leave it" thing for me really. It's like a cherry on the cake so to speak.... It's still going to be a dayum guuuuuud cake without it.

[Tsuki]

Well I like the idea of marriage and think it's a lovely thing to be able to do with someone . My parents are married and though they can be "That couple that sit at the table and don't talk" as someone put, they are still married and love each other. You don't have to be lovey dovey with someone all the time because you are married to them . Yes I'd love to get married one day. I have been with my partner for almost three years and though we have our ups and downs we have helped each other through so much and yeh I would like to marry him one day . But I'm not rushing anything.

[MooLion]

So I think there is something in humans where they aren't designed to stick with one person, however it can work because the idea of marriage has been around a long time.

The idea that the Earth was flat was also around for a long time. Alas, time changes things, including our feelings towards people or events in our lives.
"'Till death do us part"... What a thing to say to someone. Think about it, the UK life expectancy is 81 years old right now and getting bigger as science and medicine improves. ETC...

Oh yeah, I realise that. Sorry, thought I'd make a remark about that thought elsewhere in my comment. Always something I forget in these chunky posts! I just meant in that particular part that it does still work for some; it's not completely redundant yet, even though our ways are yet changing.

--

And that's sweet to hear, Tsuki!

I don't mean to pooh-pooh marriage myself, I am still generally for it! Here's hoping should I ever get married that I won't be pressurised into having children! Stuff can work if I don't have that strain! Hopefully I don't suddenly go all hormonal about it or anything. That would be crap.

[Tsuki]

^ Yeh I don't want Kids and niether does Gaz. I'm just going to have Cats...and Chickens....Yeh

[Si-Amber]

I married Kay in a dream a few months back. Can't see me getting to the marriage IRL though, I fail at commitment.

But yeah, I think the most succesful marriages are based on friendship. I've never known my parents to be particularly romantic (I don't think I've ever even seen them kiss), but they've had 35 years of happy marriage because they are best friends. The trouble with the majority of relationships these days is that they are based maiinly on attraction, which in most cases fades.

[Tsuki]

^ Yup. My parents have been together 25 years now and aren't particularly romantic either. Aside from Kay, Gaz IS my best friend and knows me better than anyone.

[Biomac]

[Shadowfax]

I've always wanted to get married, but only a few years ago did I decide I really wanted a kid someday too. Being with Ez at the time though, both were impossible as he NEVER wanted either so as I loved him at the time, I tried to let go of two of my goals in life. It really did depress me and deep down I knew our relationship was destined to fail, but still I went on. Word of advice.. If your goals are totally different in life, it really isn't worth continuing with a relationship. The longer it's left, the harder it will be to let go and it really does screw with your head. Talking from personal experience.

BUT! Now I am free of him the door has opened up to me again and it seems more likely to happen. My current partner, who i've been with for coming up to two months now wants pretty much EXACTLY the same as me in life which is awesome! I've known him for years and we've really fallen for each other fast. Hell, we've even planned our wedding already haha =P Would I like to marry him someday? Yes.... I think I would indeed. Obviously not gonna rush into anything, but he is just perfect and so caring.

[FlipMode]

^See those kinds of relationships for me, simply never work out lol. I'm NOT by ANY means saying yours is doomed (and honestly I wish you all the best with it ^^) but that's where I kept screwing up last year with my relationships. I would basically look for girls who were exactly like me, the problem was I would fall for them too quick and too hard and we'd be planning stuff and pretty much skip the entire dating phase and go straight into the relationship phase... That's a bad way to go. As soon as the infatuation / honeymoon phase ends, the attraction level drops just that LITTLE bit, the problem was it was so high so early on that it feels like it's dropped way more than it actually has. And so one of them wants a bit of time to themselves, the other is thinking "OH NO I'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG!" and then I chase them right out of the relationship acting like a woman instead of a man lol.

I'm just simply not compatible with girls who are too similar to me in terms of interests and stuff. And the problem is that all the girls I have dated who were like that, would have been much better off as friends in the first place. I mean how much more awesome would it be if me and Shadowfax could just hang out and play FF13 together without it being awkward because we rushed into a relationship before? Exactly. So the "Let's be friends" thing really just ends up meaning "Let's just barely ever speak to each other again" and that sucks. Losing a friend you got on well with is worse then losing them as a lover.

That's how all of my relationships went last year. Remembering that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result as well as the saying that "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got" I was like "Damn, I must be doing something wrong here"

And so I got to a point where I started to see how other people were staying together so effortlessly and what I learned is that some people are just better off with people who are different to them in some ways. I'm now dating someone but it feels a lot more natural now, because although she wouldn't be caught dead jumping out of a plane with me or ever touching my pet tarantula... The fact that she is different to me but we still respect each other for who we are is really good. It means we have more to talk about, more to teach each other etc. And that seems to be working better for me, allowing the relationship to develop at it's own pace rather than the pace I want it to develop for once.
That's why my view on marriage changed, it's something I still want but it's NOT something I would even think about right now. And I know it's not something she is thinking about either, it's something that will just happen for us when the time is right for it and that makes it all seem so much more secure.

AND YES I KNOW I'M RANTING, I FIND IT AN INTERESTING DISCUSSION, BITE ME!

[Si-Amber]

^ I think all relationships are different. For some it's "opposites attract" that works. For others, similar interests are just the start of a stronger bond. Wanting the same things out of the future is a pretty good start.