I've Been

[Harvs]

Ever since I was old enough to hold a gaming controller in my hands, I've known exactly what I wanted. It's not exactly the most humble desire, or even the most rewarding, but it's meant the world to me. I've wanted fame. I've always wanted to have people look at me and say "Hey, you're awesome!"

I've been drawn to this desire for so long, that I was determined to do anything to achieve it. And achieve it fast. I've tried writing books, but to no avail. I've tried making videos, that nobody watched. I've tried reviewing, gaming, drawing, even mass posting on forums, and I'm still no closer to that long sought after goal of mine.

I've been kind to those who needed me. I've reached out to those in need because the basic human compassion lives in me and commands me to treat others how I would like to be treated. And so, I've made friends over the years, not many, but loyal ones who I can always depend on.

I've been forgetful. I couldn't remember why I wanted to make friends in the first place. I was ridiculed throughout most of my school years, and the idea of having friends by my side was always a plus in my book. But as soon as I started making more friends, I became corrupted and saw this as a way to become popular. A way to gain fame.

I've been Selfish to my friends, so much so that it hurts myself more than it benefits me. If you use your friends to gain something other than friendship, then something is wrong. And let me tell you all

I've been wrong. It's not easy to sit here and declare my mistakes to those who might not even care. But fame isn't all that important. I'm only sorry it took so long for me to realize that.

Rogue, I'm sorry. I've been a real lousy friend to you lately. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about you, but it seems like it's been ages since I've shown that I care. And you're not the only one who's been suffering because of my carelessness. I'm kind by nature and ask nothing in return. But it wasn't only because I put my friends above me. I do put everyone else's needs above mine, that's just who I am. But at the same time, I used that selflessness as a curtain to hide the fact that I was still trying to gain fame. Just the thought of having someone know who I am... it's just been a dark desire in my heart for too long. And though I realize my mistake, I do not think it will ever change...

I've been a bad friend. And to you, as well as everyone else on here that I've used, I apologize. I don't know if I'll be returning to this old site, because odds are if you were my friend, half of me cared about you while the other half used you as a means to get what I wanted. It's wrong, selfish, and stupid, and I don't blame you if you don't forgive me. I just want to say that I'm sorry to my friends, myself, and sorry that it took this long for me to realize it. Just know this; if you were my friend, then I truly do care about you. You are truly my friend.

(tl;dr? gtfo)
(not meant to cause drama, just gotta get this out there)

[FlipMode]

Dude, while I respect what you did and why you said it. you would be surprised how many people are in the same boat as you, how many people do you think want friends just to say they have some and not because they actually respect them as people? I promise you, it's a huge number of people.
But at least your realised that and admitted to it, for that you earn my respect (even if we were never "really" friends) but from an outsider perspective; it does seem like you are being a little too hard on yourself.
Then again I don't know the extent of what went on, but if you said what you felt needed to be said then good for you I guess.

On a side note; I was actually thinking the other day while searching for an old Aladdin GIF you made for me back in my moderator days how awesome it would be to have you back on here. I respect your decision not to, but if you do then we will all be here to welcome you with open arms back into the pride ^^

[Regulus]

I agree with Flip.

[SophieCub]

Okay, you made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Some make bigger and more serious mistakes than other. But I realize how hard it is to say your sorry in quite a large forum like this. I've been there. Lots of other people have. I wasn't your friend before but I thought you seemed a really nice guy, so I'm happy you've owned up and apologized. Thats all you can really do, theres not much else. I'm sure it will take longer for others to forgive you but I'm quite forgiving and you didn't do anything to hurt me. Fresh start? So welcome back! Hope we can be friends. ^^

[Harvs]

You're right Flip. I am being hard on myself. I've often said that a person's hardest critic is him/herself.

Well, I've considered returning. Work, school, and competitive gaming keep me from being as active on forums as I used to be. But I can try.

And... I suppose it wouldn't hurt to reopen my GIF shop. WHEN... I get a PC. Making them with the same quality that I used to on a MAC is impossible. So, I'll consider going back to my roots.

As for being hard on myself, I can try to ease up. But I don't know how long it'll take. Certainly won't be over night.