by Regulus » June 10th, 2012, 1:28 am
It's not good to be at either extrema. Which is exactly why I sometimes wish that my brain was wired more for communication, rather than logical tasks. For example, I really suck at group work. For me, it's actually easier to do everything myself, instead of telling others what I want them to do. I try, but it just isn't easy.
From my life experiences, I have concluded that most people can't even begin to understand just how difficult it is for me to get my thoughts across quickly, in a clear and concise manner. Especially without coming off as rude, stupid, inconsiderate, ignorant, etc. It really does suck. In some ways, it seems as if the world (or society, more accurately) isn't made to fit my needs. I have to adapt.
I don't mean to be all depressed and crap about it, though. It's just part of who I am. I've never been a very sociable person. Everyone always says "just be yourself," so why should I want to change? If people don't like the way I am, well, that's tough s***. Different types of people are required for society to function. There's a place for me somewhere, I just have to find it.
It's not even like my brain doesn't have advantages. Oh, yes, it does. My grades in school are almost flawless, and I never study. In general, I'm very good at figuring things out, whether there's something wrong with my car, my computer, or the kitchen sink. People sometimes call me Wikipedia, just because I seem to know a little bit about everything. My opinions on controversial topics typically differ from the majority, which always allows for interesting discussions.
And, you know, sometimes it's really nice not to *need* people. If I was stranded on an island by myself for a week, I wouldn't lose my mind like most people. In fact, I would probably be more sane than if I was stranded with others. No one saying do this, no one saying be there, no one saying stop that, no one saying see here; I'd be free to run around all day! My existence does not need to be justified through the existence of another person. I need time to myself just so I can get away from the chaos that other people sometimes create.
You may or may not ever know just from reading my posts. I probably seem sociable enough here to appear 'normal' to most people. However, that isn't exactly true in real life. In real life, I don't have an hour (or two) to type up a few paragraphs that will be read. I have seconds, at most, to think of not only what to say, but how to say it. And, sometimes, one little mistake can have big consequences. And don't get me wrong, I do like to be around people and chat. Just in small doses.
In conclusion, no, I wouldn't trade the "smart" part of my brain to be more sociable. And I most certainly wouldn't trade what little bit of sociability I actually have to make myself even smarter; it's a proven fact that geniuses often have difficult lives. Intelligence has much less practical application than you'd think. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but if I had any more, I really don't know what purpose it would have. Most of my intelligence goes to waste as it is now, anyway.
I wouldn't want to change that about myself any more than I would want to change anything else about myself, be it gender, ethnicity, beliefs, etc. I've spent years trying to simply understand my odd brain; I'm most certainly not going to give up and throw it all away, even if it would make my life 50x easier. It's who I am. As long as I live, I'll always have this brain. It would be incredibly illogical not to accept that and make the best of it anyway, even if it does sound a bit stubborn.
This might just be the longest post I've made on this site. I'm not too surprised. I always have a lot to say whenever this sort of topic is brought up.