My Lion King Forum

The dark brute stepped toward the cliff, his large front paws landed only a few tail lengths from the edge. He stared down the deep abyss, his dark green pools narrowed as he watched water escaping a large gap in the mountain side. He closed his pool and listened to the sound of crashing water. He then opened them once again and flicked one of his large auds, the tufts on them swayed in the warm breeze of the hill he was sitting on. He started grooming himself, making his golden brown fur lay flat on his bulky frame. He afterwards let a long yawn escape his maw, his white teeth bared. "What are you doing Kai?" a feminine voice asked behind him. Kai turned his head and glanced at a dark lynx with lime green eyes who were heading towards him. He flicked one of his auds and glanced at the Cliff once gain. "Nothing Mortem..." he mumbled. Mortem sat down next to him, her lime green pools glued onto him. Kai turned his gaze to her once again, he suddenly spoke with an annoyed tone "What is it? Is there something you want to ask me?" he asked and glared at slightly. Mortem, who wasn't really in the mood for arguing, let out a sigh and shook her skull. "Just tell what is wrong grumpy head, it's not like I'm going to tell it to Miss Olive or anything" she chuckled and lashed her short tail, a big grin glued onto her skull. Kai felt something... Strange as he watched the lynx beside him. His eyes searched for hers, but never found her closed lime pools. His fur started growing hot. What was this feeling? Why did he only feel it when he was around Mortem? He shook his head as he started thinking. Could it be love?

The first rp, I just made this up and made these two chars, Kai and Mortem. You may try to draw them as what you think they look like, but they have to be lynx. Who is this Miss olive Mortem talked about? Does Kai love Mortem? found out next time :3

That's a pretty nice paragraph there.

Thank you, most of my friends irl thinks it's poop :I Even though most of them can't even write a story in English XD

I think it's a nice story.

Awww, stop it u ;-;

That's actually pretty good, especially given your age and the fact you're from Denmark (speaking of which, I'm a large part Danish, so high-five ). The only thing I have to say is that you use words like 'pools', 'auds', and 'skull' a lot, in a way that doesn't feel natural. It gives it a sort of 'purple prose' vibe (if you don't know what I mean by that, I'd look it up, since it's easier than explaining). It's okay to use plain old words like 'ears' or 'eyes' sometimes. Because in the end, you want to immerse your reader fully into the world you create with as few distractions as possible. If you're using the same word a lot, especially one that distracts like that, it's probably time to change it. (I had a lot of the same problems when I was about 13 so I understand where you're coming from).

In any case, I hope you don't take offense with any of this, as it is good. Just thought I would pitch in my two cents as a fellow writer and an aspiring author who's been around the block a few times, so to speak. ^^; And again, if English isn't your first language, then I'm actually especially impressed by this.

That's a sweet paragraph! Any other hidden talents as well as writing and drawing?

Thank you, I do understand. I was a bit tired while writing this, and trust me when I get tired I keep writing the same things over and over again, it's a bad habit ._. I once wrote "Hey, what are you doing, having a nice day, what are you doing?" to one of my friends because I was tired. I don't find it offensive at all, I know you are just trying to help and I'm happy for you help. Oh almost forgot -high-fives and leaves slowly- there :3

Thank you uwu My other 'talents' are: Creeping people out, making weird sounds, making high pitched voices and... Strangly enough singing, but I only sing when it is at school and I have to uwu

Nah-ah.
I don't want to.