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Flip's attempt at a Poem (Short)

PostPosted: April 7th, 2010, 10:57 pm
by FlipMode
I don't know how I keep going
sometimes, I don't think I can
living life and ever knowing
that I have yet to hold your hand

Every night, I dream dreams of you
In the morning, I find they're not real
I find false what I thought was true
and sadness is the only thing I feel

I'd give up breath, give up life
if it could make you smile
if it would end your pain, your strife
then I'd know it was all worth while

I love you more than words can say
you're my angel; you show me the light
and as long as you're with me each day
I'll be your hero, your shining knight


Yeah lol as I said short :). Comments n' Criticisim is much obliged..

Re: Flip's attempt at a Poem (Short)

PostPosted: April 7th, 2010, 11:00 pm
by Ushujaa
i like it a lot it just feels a little unfinished, but that's just a matter of opinion...
i really like the last stanza

Re: Flip's attempt at a Poem (Short)

PostPosted: April 8th, 2010, 4:10 am
by RayCat
Beautiful!

Re: Flip's attempt at a Poem (Short)

PostPosted: April 10th, 2010, 5:51 pm
by FlipMode
[quote="Ushujaa"]i like it a lot it just feels a little unfinished, but that's just a matter of opinion...
i really like the last stanza[/quote]

To be quite honest, I did cut a chunk out because I thought it sucked lol. And thanks for teh feedback