My Lion King Forum

LionPrincess · by **LionPrincess** » October 28th, 2009, 8:25 pm

Ahadi

The Great King Of The Pridelands

Ahadi was a great king probably the best there ever was and ever will be, at his side he had his mate Uru and his two sons Mufasa and Taka. Ahadi wasn’t much of a fighter but always kept the pridelands safe from danger.

One day Ahadi was wandering around the outlands and met a rogue lion Mhetora who was the leader of the outlands “what are you doing on my land” Mhetora Asked abruptly “just making sure everything is in order” Ahadi answered “get out of my lands or I will rip you to shreds” Mhetora said looking as if he could have killed Ahadi on the spot but Ahadi didn’t look at all scared “Mhetora don’t you go forgetting who you are and were your from, why did you leave brother why don’t you come home” asked Ahadi and his eyes started to fill with tears “ you know why I left and don’t pretend you don’t, I am no longer your brother not after what you did to me” Mhetora said getting angrier that his brother was lying to him “what Mhetora what did I do please tell me brother so I can correct what I did wrong” Ahadi said as he sat closer to his brother “Ahadi you will never be able to put rite what you did wrong, why did you EXILE me tell me that” Mhetora said and he moved further from Ahadi “exile what do you mean I would never so such a thing to my cub brother” cried Ahadi tears running down his cheek “who said such things” he asked trying to hold back more tears “ Our Father” said Mhetora “he told me that you said I was to leave the pridelands and never return or by your orders I would be killed” he said and in anger he struck Ahadi with his forepaw “I would never say such things brother father told me you left us because you wanted my place as king and couldn’t stay and see me rule the pridelands” Ahadi answered his brother “Oh well lets walk my brother” Mhetora said with a sly grin, Mhetora didn’t believe his brothers story and thought he should be ripped apart piece by piece.

The two brothers walked farther into the outlands when they met another lion Kimbarah and three lionesses Amerha, Sethan and Vitaln , the four lions walked towards them and Ahadi took a step back “ATACK” Mhetora shouted to the other lions and they ran towards Ahadi and as he turned to run Mhetora pounced on him and he fell to the ground by that time the other lions had reached them and they all attacked him, clawing and biting him till he was almost dead “STOP” Mhetora Growled and the other lions paused “your work here is done” he said and they all scattered “why little brother why” Ahadi said, his breathing getting slower and slower “you killed the Mhetora I once was the day you exiled me now this is pay back for all those years that I have starved and had to give up my hunt for dying cubs all of which you have exiled” and with that Mhetora lifted his paw and struck Ahadi one last time and he was gone, killed by his own brother.

I Will Not Be Adding Any More To This Story, This Was Just A Short Story

KopsTheTerminator · by **KopsTheTerminator** » October 28th, 2009, 8:59 pm

Wow, this is a really good fan-fic! You're a really good fan-fic writer!

LionPrincess · by **LionPrincess** » October 28th, 2009, 9:02 pm

Thanks, i wrote this ages ago and just never posted it x

KiarasMate · by **KiarasMate** » October 28th, 2009, 10:35 pm

Nice job LionPrincess. ^^ I would have loved for there to be a bit more detail within the story as well as a bit more build up to the climax of it, but for being a short story, you did a pretty good job. I honestly can't really say much more than that, as there wasn't enough story to really comment in detail upon but perhaps for your future works, you could draw out events a bit more and add in a tad bit more detail to each character and action. It just helps to keep your readers enthralled is all but it's only a suggestion. ^^ Anyways, keep up the awesome work my friend and I look forward to reading your future stories.