Conversations with the King

[divsalley]

As the moon shone on Pride Rock one night, a lion walked to the edge all alone. He had a thick, reddish brown mane and a brownish gold coat. He walked majestically even though he hadn't been crowned King yet, for he was the Crown Prince. He looked to the stars now, searching for his father who had just joined the Great Kings. Mugabe was sad because now it was upto him to rule over the Pridelands. His father, Kiruu, had left a lasting impression on the herds by bravely fighting to take back what was his. Kovu and Kiara's eldest son had help from his siblings K'aaria and Tanabi, but it was still him who had defeated their evil uncle Ntini, Vitani's mate, who had falsely reported to the King and Queen that Kiruu had died in an encounter with the hyenas. Kovu and Kiara had instantly gone to investigate, but were sadly killed by Ntini's followers. But Kiruu was safe and sound, and had chosen a mate...
When he did return to the Pridelands, he was surprised to find Ntini at the helm. When he asked about his parents, Ntini told his nephew the truth, but spared the incriminating details. But when Kiruu had asked his uncle to step down and allow him to be crowned, Ntini's anger got the better of him and he ordered his lionesses to attack. Badly injured, Kiruu went to his shaman Busara for help. Since Kovu and Kiara had rightfully given Ntini the responsibility of ruling over the Kingdom, no laws had been violated... until Kiruu returned. He sent Ndege, his young majordomo, to send messages to Tanabi and K'aaria. Both of them came rushing to help their brother. So it was with their help that Kiruu restored the honor of the throne. Tanabi and K'aaria stayed for their brother's coronation and left after they welcomed his mate Tomara into their family. Kiruu and Tomara had a ruled wisely over the Pridelands.
Now, their son Mugabe wondered how he would ever be able to do what his father had done. A lioness with sharp, emerald eyes sat beside him and nuzzled him lightly. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Safidy... I really don't. I still have so many questions for him... And I just don't know how I could ever take his place!" "It is sad that he had to leave us, Mugabe... But you also need to understand that the Circle of Life has to go on. It is your destiny to take his place." "Safidy's right," Tomara said as she smiled sadly at her son. "Get inside... You need to rest. There are important things to be taken care of tomorrow." Mugabe nuzzled his mother lightly to let her know he understood her pain and went inside Pride Rock. His mother motioned him to take the spot where his father usually slept. Mugabe reluctantly lay down there. Safidy was right beside him, trying to comfort him in this sad moment...
Mugabe was the first to wake up in the morning. He carefully went to the very top of Pride Rock and watched the sunrise. He remembered the day his father had told him about the Great Kings vividly. It had been a warm morning like this. Beyond the river he could see Ndege approaching Pride Rock. He slowly walked down the steep path and stood at the foot of Pride Rock, waiting for him. Ndege bowed to him and Mugabe smiled falteringly at him. The herds were assembling slowly at pride Rock. Busara was slowly ascending Pride Rock. She smiled at Mugabe and bowed to him. Mugabe bent down to hug her, and said, "You've been more than a shaman to me, my friend... Do not bow to me." "Out of respect for your place in the Circle of Life, I have to bow to you, Mugabe. Please do not dishonor me by asking me not to do so." Mugabe smiled at her and waited. She hovered her stick over his head for a minute.
Then she broke a passion fruit and anointed Mugabe with it's secretion. Mugabe slowly walked towards the edge of Pride Rock with questions that he would never be able to get answers to. He thought again of his father, his wisdom and his strength... Then he remembered a conversation he'd had with him when he was a cub. It was the day after Kiruu had told him about the Great Kings. Kiruu had told his son the story to build his confidence, but instead, it brutally decimated it. Mugabe was fraught with questions about his abilities that day. So many before him had benn capable of much more than he was at his age... Mfalme's courage and Dhahabu's strength had astonished him... Mohatu's wisdom awed him... Mufasa's confidence had shattered his, leaving him unsure of his capabilities. Simba's bold decisions had forced him to think of his own plight in those situations.
Kiara's efforts to end an impossible feud proved fruitful, but to him, it seemed like an impossible task should he ever face the situation. And his father... His father's resolve to get back what was his... not out of greed, but out of pure devotion to this land, shook him greatly. Was he ever going to feel that way about this land? Was he ever going to be as strong as his ancestors were when it came to doing what's right? Would he ever be able to make decisions as easily as his ancestors had with as much conviction? He seriously doubted it. The next day, as Tomara bathed her son, he seemed preoccupied and worried. "What's wrong, Mugabe?" she'd asked him. "I need to talk to dad," he told her gruffly as he struggled to free himself. "Hold still, Mugabe! I'm not finished yet!" "Not today, alright, mom?" he told her angrily as he left. He went to find Zulu, his father's majordomo, who could lead him to his father.
"He's by the river, Mugabe... You'll find him there." "Thank you, Zulu," Mugabe said as he scampered off towards the river. Kiruu was standing atop a hill, letting the breeze caress his windswept, reddish brown mane. His eyes were closed. His expression was grave. He seemed like he was trying to sense something from the land... He looked exactly like Simba had in his prime. Mugabe slowly walked up the hill towards his father. "What brings you here, Mugabe?" Kiruu asked his son with a smile, his eyes still closed. "How'd you know it was me?" Mugabe asked his father. "I sensed your presence. Every creature has one... each as unique as the next. I know yours because you're with me most of the time." "I have questions for you, father..." "What sort of questions, my son?" "About the Great Kings." "Ah!" "I have doubts, father..." "About what, Mugabe?" "About my abilities."
"If having these questions answered will ease your worries, then I'm glad to do it. What questions do you have for me?" "How did you know if you were ready for such a huge responsibility?" "I never knew whether I'd be ready for Kingship. It was new for me, too... And I didn't know what I'd be able to accomplish as King." "Then how come you never doubted yourself?" "Who says I didn't, Mugabe?" Kiruu said, laughing. He stopped immediately as he saw the sad look on his son's face. He sighed and bent down, leveling his head with his son's. "Look at me, Mugabe..." The cub looked at his father with fierce, scarlet eyes. "When you were born, I didn't know how I'd be able to teach you everything you need to know about the responsibilities you'd have to fulfill. But as time passed, I learned... The same goes for any kind of responsibility. You'll learn with time." "But what if my decisions badly affect the herds?"
"It is only because you worry so much that I know you will do what's right," Kiruu said calmly.Mugabe lowered his head, still doubtful and worried. "I don't know if I'm worthy," he said slowly. "All our ancestors were already so brave and strong by my age... They were already special! I'm not special at all!" "You are, Mugabe," his father told him slowly, placing his massive paw over his son's tiny shoulders. "You're very special. Every Prince or Princess of this land is. Do you remember the Great Aiheu?" "The spirit of this land..." "That's right. He was the spirit of this land... And do you remember why we present every royal cub to the herds?" "It's more like a presentation to Aiheu... Not to the herds. We present the cubs to this land, so that it's spirit will be imbibed in the new born cub... for the cub to be able to rule well in the future." "You have all the answers, Mugabe! Then why do you doubt yourself?
"The Great Aiheu ruled over the Pridelands with a conviction that had never been seen before. He was one with this land. We present our royal cubs to him so that he will bless them and watch over them as he had over these lands. So, Mugabe, he chose you to become his descendant. He chose you as our future King." "What if I had a brother or sister?" "Then your mother and I would choose for Aiheu." "Would you have chosen me then?" "I honestly don't know, my son." "But... then... what did Ahadi and Uru do wrong for Scar to hate his brother so much?" "Well..." "Your siblings didn't hate you when your parents chose you." "I had a very supportive family. Besides, I was chosen at birth, so none of us knew the full weight of that decision until we grew older, without any differences or animosity." "Could that have caused the Great Feud?" "It could have... Probably... Many lives would've been saved."
The feud Scar had started was referred to by Simba's descendants as the Great Feud. "Mufasa's... Kopa's... Zira's... Perhaps Scar's himself," Kiruu told his son slowly. "I guess..." "But these are mere obstacles, Mugabe... They make our pride stronger... more immune to the near fatal blows of greed." "But father, I..." "Listen to me, Mugabe... There's no need to doubt yourself. We're all part of this land... part of Aiheu. We will watch over these lands for you, like he does, through your eyes. You might not be able to see us, but we'll always be with you. And I know the comfort that brings. The thought that my parents are still with me, through this immense Circle of Life, guiding me through good times and bad, brings me peace. And I'm sure you'll feel the same way." "But how will i know what to do? I'm just... I just can't bear it if anything happens to this Kingdom because of me!"
Kiruu looked soothingly at his son and smiled at him. "Listen to me carefully, Mugabe. When I was your age, I told my grandfather that I couldn't wait to be King. I was worried about it all the same... But my grandfather told me that he never wanted to hear me say that again. When I asked him why, he told me something that I'm going to tell you right now. You only get to be a cub for a while. Enjoy it while you can. Because once you grow up, responsibilities will keep pouring in. You'll learn everything in good time. And I'm absolutely sure that when the time comes, you'll know what to do. When the time comes, I know you'll do what's best for the Kingdom and the pride. Just remember that we'll always be with you, and you'll never go wrong. Believe in that, and more importantly, believe in yourself. You have more wisdom than you realize. Don't forget that, ever."
Now as Mugabe ascended Pride Rock, he remembered his father's words of wisdom. He felt his presence, along with all his ancestors, guiding him... urging him to take his rightful place as King of Pride Rock. He knew at that moment that this was what he'd been born to do. He walked to the edge and looked at his subjects who were waiting for this moment. Then, looking up to the skies for strength and support, he roared thunderously to accept the throne. He heard the lionesses as the roared in approval. He felt the boundaries of time dissolve as he felt the Great Aiheu bless him, and as Mfalme wished him happiness, as did Dhahabu and Mohatu. He felt the pride of Ahadi and Uru coarse through him, and Mufasa's confidence surging through his veins... He felt Simba's assurance as his doubts and worries evaporated. And he felt Kovu and Kiara's unity and his father's devotion move him.
He now looked confidently at everyone present. Then, with a smile, he looked at Safidy, and nodded at her to join him as his Queen. She joined him and they roared together to their subjects. Tomara looked on with pride as her son came down with his mate to seek her guidance. "No, my son... You don't need my guidance. I can sense that you're ready." "That is only because of you, mother... You and all our ancestors who ruled over this land in the hope that their cubs will bring it prosperity and glory. I hope I don't disappoint you in any way. I promise I will do everything in my power to keep this Kingdom safe from harm." "I know you will, my son. I know you will." Then he looked at his mate and nuzzled her lightly. "You're my strength, Safidy... I need you as much as I need the Great Kings... maybe more..." "And I promise I'll always be there for you." So with that thought, they looked at their Kingdom.

[divsalley]

Tell me what you think!!!

[Mike]

I think that there's a lot of potential here that's choked up by the way you present it. As a block of text like this, it's honestly very hard to read :\ You need to break it up into reasonable paragraphs, including starting a new paragraph each time a new character speaks. I think that the characters could do with a bit more introduction as well, There's always a stronger attachment to the characters of any story if they're well introduced. I'd reserve at least one good sized paragraph for the introduction of each new character, unless they're a very minor character. Try to introduce them through action and dialogue as well as just description from the narrator.

I'm sorry if this is a lot to take in, but this is the way you'll carve a great fanfiction out of your raw material here =)

[DarkLiger]

[quote="Mike"]I think that there's a lot of potential here that's choked up by the way you present it. As a block of text like this, it's honestly very hard to read :\ You need to break it up into reasonable paragraphs, including starting a new paragraph each time a new character speaks. I think that the characters could do with a bit more introduction as well, There's always a stronger attachment to the characters of any story if they're well introduced. I'd reserve at least one good sized paragraph for the introduction of each new character, unless they're a very minor character. Try to introduce them through action and dialogue as well as just description from the narrator.

I'm sorry if this is a lot to take in, but this is the way you'll carve a great fanfiction out of your raw material here =)[/quote]
With what Mike said I agree, I don't want to be repeditive. But to add on this when I read the first paragraph I thought that I was being thrown too much information at once and not enough explaining. Mike bascially said what I wanted to say, overall though with some editing this would be an amazing story!

[LilTiger]

[quote="DarkLiger"][quote="Mike"]I think that there's a lot of potential here that's choked up by the way you present it. As a block of text like this, it's honestly very hard to read :\ You need to break it up into reasonable paragraphs, including starting a new paragraph each time a new character speaks. I think that the characters could do with a bit more introduction as well, There's always a stronger attachment to the characters of any story if they're well introduced. I'd reserve at least one good sized paragraph for the introduction of each new character, unless they're a very minor character. Try to introduce them through action and dialogue as well as just description from the narrator.

I'm sorry if this is a lot to take in, but this is the way you'll carve a great fanfiction out of your raw material here =)[/quote]
With what Mike said I agree, I don't want to be repeditive. But to add on this when I read the first paragraph I thought that I was being thrown too much information at once and not enough explaining. Mike bascially said what I wanted to say, overall though with some editing this would be an amazing story! [/quote]


I agree with DL and Mike. It's a good story, but there isn't much explaining the characters. And we might not know the characters(don't worry, I know their your characters). However, Mufasa and Mohatu are well known. But you needed to explain your characters more in the story. And what Mike said, with the bolder writing it's hard to read. But it was a good story!

[KiarasMate]

lol, well, I won't be quite as critical as everyone else, since I truly did enjoy this amazing beginning to what I think would turn out into an unforgettable Fan Fic. ^^ I like your writing style divsalley and it's obvious that you have a lot of talent. ^^ The characters are wonderfully thought up and this story is very rich in detail. I like the explinations of what all has happened since TLK2SP ended and I enjoyed how emotionally driven this first part really was. There's quite a few honorable life lessons to be gotten out of this story thus far. I think I would have liked to get to know the characters a bit more in detail, but it's not really fair to say that yet, seeing as this could very well just be the beginning of the story, there for, there would be plenty of time for character development and with as many characters as you introduced, I think it would be overload to try and explain everything about each and every one of them in the opening chapter, if that is what this is. ^^ I didn't have too much trouble reading through this Fan Fic, it just took a little more concentration for the conversation parts, just to keep track of who was speaking at what point. I will just say that Mike and DL have made some good points that you might consider, but this truly is your Fan Fic, so write it how you'd like it. Again, I'm really liking what I'm seeing thus far and I hope you will find time to continue this magnificent story in the future.

[CommandoTheLion]

hmm i like it but i hurts my eyes when i read it though