My Lion King Forum

"I plan to crawl outside these walls,
Close my eyes and see.
And fall into the heart and arms,
Of those who wait for me."




I can't remember who I was then. Maybe who I am is all I ever was.

There are nights where I climb to the highest point of the Outlands and find myself drawn toward their lands. Staring. Watching. Waiting.

But never can I recall why I'm there.

One might think it's for fresher air. Maybe a welcome respite from mother's training. I cannot lie; that reasoning is not completely false.

There's something more, though. A longing? A yearning? A curiosity? I can't say for sure.

And so I think: is there more to life than what I've been taught? Is there more to my life than what I can recall?

For as long as I can recall, I've been trained. Trained to hurt. Trained to punish. Trained to kill. Trained to vanquish Simba so that our kind could reign over the Pride Lands.

I've always accepted this. I've seen no reason to do otherwise. As far as I know, Simba is the reason for our poverty. The reason for our sorrow. The reason for Scar's death.

And so I am empty. Hollow. There is no joy in life. There is only training and pain.

I have grown older; I am an adult now. Vitani has joined me in this state. Gone are our petty quarrels and childish antics as cubs. She is a fully grown lioness now, and has adapted well to mother's upbringing.

I fear I am the same.

But it is cubhood, strangely, that I yearn for. For my mind continually wanders to it, trying to piece together the events of my younger days.

I can't recall much of what happened. I don't remember much of Scar but a few stern looks and brief words to mother. And then -- he was gone. I have only my mother's word to know who he was.

And then there is the daughter. Simba's daughter. This is the cloudiest memory of all, the reason for my longing for the past. Kiara... Kiara, that was her name.

My training has turned me cold against the pride belonging to Simba, to look upon them as the enemy. And I believe it. I think.

Maybe.

But there is a memory -- that of Kiara. Playing with her somewhere around our land's borders. But why was I there? Why were we playing? Are we not bitter enemies? And if we were, why did she seem so... happy?

I have brought this up with my mother in the past, but I am constantly steered away from the answers I seek, sometimes by brute force. It is instead stressed to me that my loyalty is a virtue, that Simba and his kind are the enemy, that I must kill Simba.

But what will come of that?

Will I finally find my purpose in this world? Or is my purpose merely to finish Simba off and be done with it? Did I ever have a purpose in life before this began? So many questions, so few answers.

And what of Kiara? What will happen when I meet her again? Will she be as hostile to me as my kind is supposed to be toward her? Or will she be the kind, gentle soul that I can vaguely recall?

I can't say for sure what it is I feel. But I know this -- I will carry out our plan. I will do as mother says. But not for her, oh no.

For myself.

For when I descend upon the Pride Lands, and weave myself into the pride's good graces, maybe I will finally discover what it was to be called Kovu.

Unless this was all that I ever was.

Perhaps this life is fiction. Perhaps there is more to me than I see.

Or maybe it is mere reality.



"I cannot move a mountain now;
I can no longer run.
I cannot be who I was then
In a way, I never was."








Random story idea. Whatever.


~yfwe

Huh. An interesting if not ambitious internal monologue tackling Kovu's issues and confusion borne of his childhood (or lack thereof). Some very poignant parts to it, and it touches on some universal themes that I right now can relate to (the nostalgic yearning for the past and the creeping unsureness of what is to come and one's part in it). A nice change of pace from a lot of fanfics. Nice work as always, Kev. What's the song?

Sorry I wasn't able to get to this til just now. Thanks so much, Az! I'm honored to have entertained at least one person with the fic; I think that's always my goal with writing -- to get at least one person to say HEY THAT WAS COOL 8D. So TY.

And the song's "September When It Comes" by Rosanne and Johnny Cash. Was listening to it a loooot around this time, haha.

"I cannot move a mountain now;
I can no longer run.
I cannot be who I was then
In a way, I never was."

*loves it* Is that yours? I normally wouldn't ask because I'd expect you to point it out if not, but that was awesome.

Ugh, I wish it was mine, Mike. But my ability in terms of lyrical prowess is nowhere near that. ;_; That's a lyric, as I said in a previous post, from "September When It Comes" by Rosanne and Johnny Cash. Not sure which one of them (if either, even) wrote it. It's one of those that you definitely wish you wrote every time you hear it though, haha.