The Clouds Above Us

[Noah]

The sun slowly faded away from the African plains as the long day finally came to a close. Simba made his way to the top of Pride Rock, his muscles aching from the exhausting hunt. Normally, the lionesses were the ones in charge of hunting for the pride, but after having been held captive by Scar and the hyenas, the New Lion King decided to give his new found home a helping paw. Although he had never hunted before in his life, he was picking up on the skills surprisingly quickly. Nala and the other lionesses had been very grateful to have him back. They held no regrets towards his earlier actions, but that was another story. Right now, the only thing on Simba’s mind was curling up against his mate and having a well deserved night of sleep.

Walking over to the area of the den reserved for snoozing, Simba managed enough strength to ascend only the small incline that separated the area specific to the royals, a throne so to speak. Nala was directly behind him ready to nuzzle him before he dozed off, but as she got right on top of him, she realized he was fast asleep. ”Pity” she told herself. It would have to wait until morning.

As Simba entered his dream, a new world began to appear in his head. Gone was the familiar Pride Lands and instead was a world of bright clouds. Everywhere he looked he saw majestic beauty, which said a lot considering he had spent his life in some of the most majestic places on Earth. But this place was different, there was no beginning or end, and there certainly wasn’t any other lions—or so he thought.

Suddenly, he saw a bright light behind him. His first thought was that it was the sun, but to his surprise, he saw the giant face of a lion. Simba couldn’t make out the features, but he immediately recognized the feline form. The face was beautiful in form and regal in its shape.

Without warning, the figure began to fade into the darkness. Instinctively, Simba began to chase after him, despite not knowing exactly what it was. Even though his paws were moving, he felt as if he remained stationary. As the figure slowly disintegrated, several other figures began to appear to him in the foggy haze. He didn’t recognize the faces of any of them, but he could sense who they were. They were the great kings of the past.

His mind was racked with questions that he wanted answered. The wisdom these beasts must possess made Simba shiver. He eyes darted instinctively between them looking for his father. He moved his neck so quickly he would have been in severe pain, if pain existed up here. Just as he was about to give up, he saw Mufasa in the back of the crowd. Almost like magic, all the felines gave way in order to give him some space.

Slowly but surely he started to move his paws. He made his way past the crowd of elder lions and worked his way to his father. As he reached him, they both embraced. Suddenly he awoke to the sight of Nala giving him a nuzzle. Tears began to roll down Simba’s face as his loving mate asked what was the matter.

[Awali]

That was awesome!

[Azdgari]

oh you write? that's lovely~

I think I like it! It's pretty brief so there's not too too much to go on, but I'm certainly interested to see what you have in mind.

[quote]Right now, the only thing on Simba’s mate was curling up against his mind and having a well deserved night of sleep.[/quote]

O RLY

Other than that, it looks pretty sound. Perhaps a bit passive at times, but that's not the end of the world. Keep the writers' dream alive! ;3

[BlitzRogue]

Aside from the obvious bit that Azdgari already pointed out, there were a few cases where your grammar was a bit off. You swapped tenses a couple times, I think, and there was a run-on sentence or two, but overall it was a good read. :)

Makes me wanna start writing again.