story/poem challenge

[it means no worries]

ok, i'll post part two about 11pm (ish)

[SimbasGuard]

I'll look forward to reading it as soon as I can.

[it means no worries]

Here's part 2 of 3 (and yes, about the silhouettes, you guessed dead on!)

The mangy hyena stepped back down from the ridge and grinned to Banzai, giving a throaty laugh. Banzai, coating himself in dust and muck in his urgency to see his pray mounted the ridge himself and gave a howl of appreciation, “ Haha, FOOD TIME,” Banzai roared, his voice echoing through the savannah.
Vitani stopped and pricked up herears, scanning the horizon, she could have sworn she heard a low rumble, almost like a growl, she held up her fist and stopped the others. Shuku strode up and demanded, “Why are we stopping? It’s almost dusk, we need to keep moving.”
She cowered from his bulk, “I…I heard something far off…like a growl,” Vitani stammered, intimidated by Shuku’s physique. “Stupid girl,” he laughed gleefully, “It’s not gonna be anything, besides, what can threaten us in the pridelands?”
Simba bounded over, “What’s going on Shuku,” he asked, addressing his bodyguard.
“Nothing sire,” Shuku glanced back at Vitani, “this young girl is just imagining things.”
Simba looked at Vitani, expecting a defense, but what could she do, it was her word against Shuku’s. Vitani hung her head in shame, it probably was nothing, besides, Shuku loved to humiliate and anger Vitani at every opportunity.
Shenzi padded up towards the two hyenas, “Shut up idiots,” she commanded, thumping Ed, and dragging Banzai back of the ridge, “That’s a lion, not an antelope, we need to be careful.” She leapt down the side of ridge and set off towards a small ditch. “If you two wanna eat, follow me…”
Vitani gazed up from her kill, surveying the savannah, the landscape had been turned red by the dying sun, an image of natural beauty, she stared in wonder until her thoughts were bought back to reality by the manic scrabbling if her latest catch, which was abruptly silenced by Simba roaring at the group to come back. She looked down and put the poor animal out of its misery before padding over to the other lions.
“It’s time to return to priderock,” Simba announced once the tired lions had finally all gathered, immediately the lions obediently dropped their catches and trailed their king through the dusty ground of the savannah, back to Priderock
The three hyenas ran as quietly as they could, Their paws chinking softly against the rock and dirt of the harsh ground, they were taking a more direct route towards priderock to cut the lions off, as they reached the elephant graveyard Shenzi stopped and tried to formulate a plan, Banzai started getting impatient, “What are we doing skulking around? I need food NOW!” Ed grunted in agreement.
“Don’t worry, you’ll have your food soon enough,” Shenzi reassured them. “They’ll be coming up this track we need to hide further down,” the other two hyenas groaned and followed Shenzi, trudging on through the mud, in-between the elephant bones.
“Right,” shenzi commanded. “Stop here, we’ll ambush them on their way back through to Priderock.” She leapt up and behind a boulder, and watched Banzi and Ed hunker down between the old cracking bones to wait for their pray…
They had caught many animals and the mood was light on the way back, Zazu even tried to engage Vitani into a proper conversation. “So, what was that you saw back in the savannah?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Vitani replied, trying to sidestep the question and avoid remembering her cowardice in front of Shuku.
“It’s Shuku isn’t it?” Zazu correctly guessed, Vitani nodded. “Right then,” Zazu declared, “Don’t worry, I’ll sort him out!” Zazu flew up ahead towards Shuku, who was talking idly with another lion.
“I can see ‘em!” Banzai shouted, Shenzi padded up towards him, “shut up idiot, do you want them to hear us?” She whispered back, “You go for Shuku and Zazu at the front, Ed will go for Simba and the two lions behind them and I’ll go for Vitani and the third lion at the back. Ready? LET’S GET ‘EM!” She roared, leaping down from the boulder and charging towards her prey.
Vitani turned just in time to see the muddy hyena launch its self at her, she raised a paw and blocked it, she stumbled back under its weight, dragging them both to the ground, The hyena tried clawing Vitani, who was scrabbling for its throat, the hyenas eyes widened with fear as he tried to loosen her grip, but he was too late and was chocked into sub-consciousness. Vitani rose and saw another hyena strike down a lion with a blow to the head before turning on another, the last hyena attacked Shuku.
The fighting was brutal, the three hyenas fought like wild, feral animals, using teeth and claws while the lions used their size and strength to their advantage. Shuku shrugged off a blow to the shoulder before kicking the hyena into the wall and mauling him. Simba dealt with the other hyena, dodging his swipe whilst feigning and clawing the hyena across the face, the hyena retreated, clutching its mangled face. The lions ended up coming out better, although they lost three whilst the hyenas had all either ran or been knocked un-conscience.
Vitani looked up and saw that only herself, Simba, Zazu and Shuku remained, two of the other lions had died in the fighting and the other was in no state to continue the journey.
Simba did a head-count and walked over to the other lion, the lion was whimpering pathetically, Simba didn’t even need to see his crushed paw to realize that he was in no state to move, never mind take the long treck back to Priderock, they left him propped up against an elephant skull and promised to get help. They trudged warily back to Priderock. For once Shuku didn’t barb or insult Vitani. He remained quiet.
The mood was sombre as they arrived at Priderock even though they carried several days’ worth of food; the other lions sensed the group’s morose mood and noticed the three missing lions. They avoided each other’s gazes as they shuffled off to their friends and family. Trying not to remember their friends. Trying not remember the dead…

[SimbasGuard]

Wow! I am very surprised at the boldness of The Hyenas and the success of their attack. I guess I should never underestimate the advantage of the element of surprise. Shuku seems to be a bit of a jerk, but It looks like the ambush seems to have forced him to start paying heed to what Vitani says. I also like the twist of how in your story, there are more males in Simba's Pride other than Simba, Kovu, and Shuku. I really like how this story is progressing.

[it means no worries]

thanks, i was trying to portray Shuku as an upstart arrogant lion who would eventually listen to his elders and learn respect to give the story another side of it, and i was also trying to give the idea of Ed and Banzai being stupid but Shenzi actually being quite smart (smart enough to prepare an ambush).
As i said before, more poem/story ideas (preferably TLK related) are welcome.

[SimbasGuard]

It's always good to give characters depth, I always thought Shenzi was the smart one of The Hyenas. If I can think of any new ideas I'll let you know.